Take me to a place where only you know exists and touch me without using your hands. Tell me about the absence your eyes speak of, so loud I can't hear myself. Create something out of me, carve me as beautiful as your words. Make me lose myself in a way I'm not lost, like the way the sun is at its most glorious moment even as it leaves. Broken dreams and soulless kisses, sins so many you've been sold to the devil. Tell me how they left, some died and some just went. I'll collect your pieces like souvenirs, all broken parts of an angel. Something about the way I can feel secrets beating in your chest. Vacant eyes that ask for permission to die, to leave and let live, let you go to meet your peace. You hold an ache that doesn't want to be healed. It reminds you of where you've been and the reality of life's ***** tricks. She left her love letters in the marks on your skin. We're made of mistakes and regrets and lies we'd whisper all over again. I claim your brokenness that completes mine. You say you're not good, well then your bad compliments my wrongs. And even if we never do anything right, I want to be, just be, in your presence.

The awkward silence
When that moment froze
And those actions paused
Tension lingered in the air

Eyes met,
And consequences set,

You knew
It shall forever be ingrained,
This memory would be sustained.

What does it feel like
To go grocery shopping
And having to check your budget
Just pick up the cheapest brand

I'd imagine it truly must be
Living on the edge
The fringe of society
Barely making a living

No savings
And expenditure increasing
More out going
Than incoming

Survive for today
We can't plan for tomorrow
God forbid an unexpected
D
  O
     W
         N
            F
            A
            L
            L

There is this torture chamber 
They were obliged to go to 
Every 
Single 
Day
Where sitting upright was imperative 
Talked at for hours on end 
Brain washed and conditioned 
Moulded to form 
And told which way to think 
It's death by PowerPoint 
Overload of irrelevant 'information'
Dead old white guys that are not up to date 
But it's all important 
As part of the punishment
Movement is restricted
To just shut up and be spoon fed
Learning is a product not a process
Is it any wonder they choose to delete history rather than make it

Someone needs to tell my heart
Get it to believe
That to you I don't mean anything
Let us no more be deceived

For you act recklessly,
Not a thought to spare
To show that you care
That just isn't fair

Does a two sided pretence change reality?
Our silenced story remains
Must we continue with formality
Till either of us can no longer abstain?

Someone needs to tell my heart
Get it to believe that its over
Until then our lives are paused
On this unavailing course.

The sun plays hide and seek in the clouds
As the tide kissed then retreated from the dancing sand
The waves gloomily sang
And it felt like everything I've never had
Beckoning me
My God
What a cruel game destiny plays
In the distance
Above the weeping willow
The moon mischievously winks
Hiding secrets

She went back
To the mouth of danger
Tempted the fates
Put her sanity at stake

Risk is half the strength
Love is mostly reckless
Second nature habits
Hurt is what you become accustomed to

When does love become dangerous
When is it really crazy
At which point does one stop and think
This is not healthy

Because she's all you think about all day everyday but its okay because its just a crush. You're in love. You want to know her more. So you imagine making her smile and putting your fingers through her hair.

He's started to message you a little too often;

Where are you?

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

I'm outside.

When you rely on a person to validate your entire existence. To be the reason that you breathe. To be the be all and end all of everything you know.

When you're both sinking and foolish hands grab at eachother instead of swimming up towards the light. When you're too far gone to let go no matter what.

Honey love is a crazy thing from the moment you 'fall' into it.

A verb: to move from a higher to a lower level, typically, rapidly and without control.
To descend and plummet you dwindle and decrease individual being for that other.

Don't.

Darling don't fall in love. Believe me its not worth it. Stand in love. Stand with him, stand with her, hold hands and love shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet. Meet your love head on and make eye contact.

Without you here tonight
No one else qualified
As enjoyable company
Your funeral was a low-key affair
You wasn't there
And even the clock stood still
As though you were it's second battery
How could it work without you
Death has the power to make even the most damaged person look peaceful
And that's when I realised
For someone like you
Only death could bring peace
You were always out of place
It will finally put your demons to rest
So rest happy
I know
You're finally home

Everything I did for you
I did not expect a thank you
Nor did I hold you to any favours
There was no debt and nothing is owed

The only person you ever owe anything to
Already has everything in His posession
Everything I did was for His sake alone
My Lord

So close
Yet so far
On the edge yet
Not near enough

Standing at the boundary
In between
Not good enough
And too good to be true

Just missed it
Or too early
On standby but
If you were here another day

Another time
Another place
The unfinished sentence
At a cliff hanger

A question mark
Over a grave without a stone
The lost and found
The hole in your pocket

That fine line
Between love and hate
The 'go away'
And the plea to 'come back'

Between
The tears of joy
And the consolation hug
Of when you lose someone dear

That in-between colour
An indescribable shade
Somewhere between
Green and blue

The maybe
Between yes or it could be no
The piggy in the middle
The cracks in the road

I have long since forgotten your name
But even now still
When my breathing labours
I remember the pressure of your hand
Holding tightly onto mine
Keeping me in the presence
I can still feel the coolness of your skin against my clammy palms
The way you brushed my hair away from my eyes
And held my head against your chest
So that I could align my panting breaths to the steady beating in your chest
When all I could hear was the rushing roar of blood against my ears
And feel the numbness right down to my toes
When my eyelids strained to remain open
I remember the edges of your body pressed against mine
And how even though it felt like I was dying
I was glad that I wasn't alone
Those moments felt like a lifetime
Through slow motion I heard your soft murmurs
I can't remember what you said
But it was as gentle as your knuckles
Brushing lightly against my cheeks
Your eyes calm in contrast to the desperation in mine
As they stared at you
Silently commanding
Imploring that you save me from drowning
Begging for you to understand my demons
Without asking any questions
Embarassed that you were witnessing me self destruct
In an uncontrollable manner
Spiralling
Unravelling
I wonder if you can see my lungs caving
My heart is being squeezed through its cage
But it can't fit through the narrow gaps of the bones surrounding it in a painful hug
I can feel it
It's trying to escape and be free
But it can't
And that makes me panic

My heart is caged
I can't feel it
I want to reach down my throat and rip it out
But my throat also conspires against it
It tightens its passage
Refusing to let it burst through my lips
And splatter in all its glory at your feet
My blood boils in protest
I am left gasping
Out of breath
I feel everything
I've never felt so much
It overwhelms me like a suffocating blanket
I welcome the darkness
To escape this feeling

I can see secrets
Swirling in your actions
Secrets can be lies
They can be deceptions

What are you disguising
When you hit the home screen
Lock your phone
And stop talking

Avoiding my questions
Changing the topic of discussion
I see guilty
When you raise your voice and get irritated

Receipts are gone missing
And you stay out longer than expected
Douse yourself in aftershave
Sometime you seem nervous

Maybe I'm curious
Or it could be suspicion
Speaking from experience
Your lack of answers are not helping

What do I do
Where to go from here
I'm just waiting on the evidence
For what my heart already believes

Like a leaf blowing back and forth in the wind,
With no sense of direction
Bashed around,
Flattened, squashed and bruised,

Softly floating down,
Resting on a pavement
A moment of peace
Stillness

Only to be picked up again,
Un torn
Lifted high off the ground
Going with the flow
To take life again.

These musings of mine,
to which I spare no time
this poetry
that I do not take seriously
is my secret way to release.
Soon to be forgotten from memory when I
save poem.

It does not matter to me if your mouse doesn't click,
or you do not leave a comment
I am not here for approval,
and I'd still be content.
not expecting to be noticed,
in no delusion of being ablest.
No. I am not being modest.

Yet there is no denying
and it would be lying
to say that when I receive a notification,
It does not fill me with elation,
so this one is a Thank You
to show my appreciation.

you taught me how to trust with my eyes closed
then showed the blind the whole world
my world became the orbs that held me in them
and within mine you became frozen

with every movement your lips made
I reserved the right to keep those words
and for my heartbeat that raced in your name
you reserved the right to my life

together we each learnt how to fly
and separated during take off
now I see you in the horizon
up above my world so high

somewhere ahead I'll take a left turn
I'm mapping out a new destination
beyond the tremor of touch you left behind
I can feel new sensations

Sometimes
I catch you
Thinking of her
I know it's her
Because of the way you
Lean your head back
And close your eyes
The barest hint of a smile
As though the air
Lingers with a fragrance
You remember
A song catapults
You into memories
I was not apart of
Like in a trance
You reach out to trace your lips
That is the calmest
I have ever seen you
She was good for you
I can tell
Her success was your happiness
And yours is mine
And sometimes
Would you believe it if I said
I wish you still had her
Because you were better together
Than this companionship of ours

I have heard the wound is the place where light enters you
And the smallest things can hold the entire universe
It's all semantics from a philosophical viewpoint
Where galaxies can be tasted on the edge of lips
We all have the desire to be lamps, lifeboats and ladders
To save lives and be heroes
I'm telling you to it's okay
To save just one
And to let that be your own
It's allowed and everything else does not matter
From the inside I cannot explain it
And from the outside you will never understand
I have searched for answers holding the refrigerator door open
But what I really want to know is how far Gods house is
I want to take refuge at the scapegoats residents
There I want to overstay my welcome

Love's anniversary
Came and went
Even one year
Is an achievement
Compared to a lifetime
Like before

Old school love
Love of courting
Wooed you in
He asked your daddy
Then took you out dancing
Said
Goodness gracious Grace
Your a sight for sore eyes
You blushed and replied
You too scrub up nice

Got you home by curfew
Showed you he was serious
Few more dates
Nothing improper
Treated you with respect
Then you got wed
White dress and chapel
Sweetheart
The baby came after

Now everything is backward
He sends a text
And you sneak out to meet him
Come back pregnant
So he accuses you of cheating
The he's gone missing
Along came another flirt
And you're taken
The baby became baggage
Another man's problem

One by one
They all came and went
One even
Signed the pre-nuptials
Registry office
Let's give this a go
But soon it broke down
You gave up
Like a heart on loan
That you couldn't afford the rent for
So love moved out
And he says
You can keep the kid
We'll go halves on the dog

Today I left you at the pier
I watched your city become a matchbox
Then shadows, then clouds
The seagulls flocked
And screeched in dismay
The water, it carried me away
I tried to keep with me the birds that were from your shores
I threw bread so they followed me all the way home
When the boat docked
And I walked off
Even the birds left
And took my heart back

Forever seems so long,
How was I to know
Your forever
would come too soon

That till death do us part
Meant the death of our love
Love suicide or ******
Over my heart it looms

In sickness and in health
Was the sickness of your heart
Split in to
Two different places

Come so I can show you
The orchard
Where there is no sorrow
Or grief
No tears
Just love
Where love grows
The first ray of sunlight
Awakens the birth of hope
And the beam of moonlight
Chases away the darkness
As far as your eyes can see
Freedom roams
Amidst the colours
Of juicy fruits
Let's go there
And get lost
Where there are no strangers
And everyone is your own

Does your blood not move?
Nor your heart heave?
At a king's compassion
His helpless mercy

With honour does he rule
In trust he leads
Upon the enemy
He takes no pride

It is God's will
The people he serves
The king is a protector
Of lands and servants

With power he knights
And rules as he knows best
A righteous person
Who kneels in war to his Lord

A king does not **** a king
Nor a king severs a treaty
In peace he speaks
The greater good he seeks

With no choice they strived
Fought for many nights
Broke many walls
And shed lots of blood

A king who valued life
Grieved for his tribe
For the peace that was broken
Over the holy land of Jerusalem

Soft lingering notes
Of an instrument
Set the scene
And poured the atmosphere
With an intensity
That flowed in the rhythm of the pumping motion of my blood
And I wondered if somewhere in the back of my mind
I was making up the unrealistic static in the air
Because I was having a moment that would never be considered likely
Black hat tipped as the tassels swung back and forth
I braced the longest walk up the shortest flight of stairs
And it felt like
I was a river gushing down the mountain
Sweeping towards the sea
To join the tide
As we strode forth
With pride
Heads held high
A mechanical motion
With directed synchronisation
Each in our own glory
A moment of royalty
The letters sunk into paper
Bachelor of Arts
Combined Honours Degree
But as the bright lights blinded my eyes
I could not help but realise
I had reached a destination
From where the journey would begin once again
That I had climbed a ladder
And the rungs got higher
Just as I finally reached the spectacular view at the peak
I was left at a cliff hanger

We were hopeful fools
To think that your broken could heal mine
To want eachother to be our reason for life
To explore the ruins of our souls
And try to turn ashes into treasure
We were infatuated with the geography of our scars
How truly delirious we were
To try and make them a gallery of art
There are wounds inside of us
Far more painful than anything that ever bleeds
We have shadows that cling to our skins
Like a rotten stench
Yet here we sit
Like flies
King of the dump
Scuttling in search of happy endings

I have loved you since I couldn't even pronounce your name properly
For every breath I have taken on this earth
Since the moment I left the womb
You have been there
I have existed in your existence
Kinship
Blood ties
When someone asked how we were
Our names came together
Like a compliment
As though we were one person
One name with a hyphen
Me before you
Or you before me
But never alone
We belonged together
But now your name has desserted their lips
I come alone
Abandoned
As if you were never here
It feels like you were a ghost
An imaginary friend
Only the pictures prove otherwise
I want to hear the stories
Of how I followed you around
How you always gave in
When I asked you for anything
But you are trapped in memories behind eyes
That play like a movie
Projecting to every shadowed corner of this house
Sometimes I wake up and forget
I imagine I can hear your voice calling me to come to you
Your things are the same
The way you left them
It is us who have changed

Stay a little while longer
Won't you please
Dream a little more
My dear for me

Dreams of sunny skies
And blue sea's
Palm tree scenes
Together so free

The wind blowing softly
Caressing my skin
Golden sun kissed tans
Sand between our toes

Dream of better days
Of health
Happiness and
No financial burden

Dream of open land
Green pastures
Small cottages
Life at its simplest

Away from these grand things
Pressures of consumerism
Achievements and competition
Is where we'll find content

Dream of rebellion
Refusal to participate
In the race
Lets just take a leisurely stroll

So dream up a fiction
Far from reality
Where we let go
And just be

Everything you say hits a little closer to home 
It's slightly below the belt
Like a soccer punch to the gut
And I just laugh it off 
Because with me
Everything is just a joke 
I would laugh at a funeral 
But how would you know 
I'm good at ruining things
It's what I do best
Always my fault 
So I keep secrets 
You don't know the half of it 
I'd rather seem cold and calculating 
Heartless and ruthless 
Because caring will show you the real me 
And I don't like who that is 
A bunch of insecurities 
Flaws stitched together 
With good intentions 
A past smudged with reasons to forget 
Lies that make me everything I am 
People who turned their backs and ran
Trust that I found hard to get 
Played like a game and now I'm in debt 
Don't tell me you care
Don't make me trip 
I am no one anyone can fix

You're just not my person
And I don't mean opposites attract
You grate on my nerves
And I wish I could change that.

You're just not my person
And there's nothing wrong with that
You do things you're way
But I won't be you're doormat.

I don't know what I expected
but it wasn't this
I never thought we would ever
be awkward
uncomfortable silences
forced smiles
a sickening politeness
when we're both dying inside
just say something
tell me once
stop me
and I'll turn around
I'm not that strong
if only you knew
my weakness was you
that day
a stubborn pride got in our way
too proud to be the first to submit
first to let go or forgive
but I was begging you inside
inside I was broken
inside I wept

I'll hide you like the stars in the city and
Keep you like a secret
The way we wake up and
Pretend we're not dying every single day
In a padlock of parallel realms
We could be friends
Like cheesy smiles at cliches
It's possible that these deja vu's are of previous lifetimes
And these couple of days are your forevers

After you
I became a graveyard
Full of memories
No one else wanted to visit
In an unused plot of land
There is an unwatered flower bed
In another there is a broken headstone
That looks like a shattered mirror
Unanswered questions float around with no place to rest
And every night when the sun sets I want you to return
I want you to come and see
That without you there is nothing left
Without you
Every embrace will be bereft

If life was a book
Who would you
Acknowledge
Thank for all they had contributed

How interesting would
The abstract be
Would I want to read on
Or leave it be

And on your contexts page
What would be the title
Of the chapters to engage
Sub-headings to navigate

Would it be thriller
A comedy
Romance
Or mystery

Maybe a horror
Or a documentary
Auto biography
Perhaps a sob story

It could be a fairytale
Or a disney movie
It could be magical
Perhaps a fantasy

And long after we're all gone
I wonder how many books
Will connect to ours
How many stories we'll all be characters of

I long for the green pastures of fables
The shepherd that lead the right way
The children of innocence 
The strangers who felt like friends

But a life of simple living 
Was wept into stone
Highways that lead to sins
Brought evil days 

Lambs were lead astray
Footprints that walked away
In the snow
That turned into a slush of dark grey

She can taste memories on your lips
And the chapter of the hearts you collected
On the pulsing vein on your neck
So she used her tongue to sign an autograph
And paint a story over the broken cries you savoured

My home is Brittania
Sarcastic comedy
Eating crumpets and biscuits
Dunking them in the Earl Grey tea

Home is in Pakistan
Across the lush rural fields
Where the day breaks
To a rooster crowing

My home is in Turkey
Near the turquoise sea
In the cobbled old town
Full of culture and history

Home is in America
In land and in liberty
Where everything goes
The good, the bad and the ugly

My home is in Morocco
In the colourful bazaars
The dessert land
A stark divide between wealth and poverty

Home is in Yemen, Iraq and Syria
In the hearts torn by policy
Where they speak the language of tears
And know the taste of hunger

My home is in India
In the classic Bollywood films
The spicy curries
The bright embroidered outfits

My home is in Arabia
In the pilgrimage of unity
The mosque of my prophet
The past, the present and future

My home is the world
The land is one
Humans we are divided
Borders? My God created none

I feel sick thinking about the time I opened up to you
Cut my chest open
Set my organs on display
You synchronised your tears with mine
My mind your art gallery
A museum of history
Shaking fists and trembling teeth
You collected me like an artefact
And my body took you as an external *****
But it's hard to keep someone on the outside
Once they begin to eat you on the inside

I survived today on the thoughts of you alone
How you are both the quiet
And confusion in my life
You're still uprooting me
Even when you're not here
I'm in love with being alone
I love the knife
The pills
The silence
The wine
The empty your arms couldn't hold
The mansions your greedy fingers traced on my bare skin are still here
I'm in love with the gentle push of the wind
And I can tame the beast howling within me
I've learned your most impressive magic trick
Promises
Forever you told me
And your eyes the magic mirror
Made me believe
So I promise myself the world
I promise that what I felt was nowhere near love
I promise to find myself
But I'm still looking for my magic mirror

I would be stupid
If I let you hold me down
Not letting go of the past
Burning in bitterness

I'd be naïve
To forgive and forget
Wipe the slate
Then look back in regret

Being wise is
To not forget the way you made me feel
But I'll forgive you
For your mistakes
For the tears that swam in my eyes

If one more chance is what it takes
A possibility of a new day
And even though I hate
The position it will put me in

I will let you in
Or set myself free
And let you go
Part ways and accept its over

A place where everyone knows
One more day
Is not enough
And no one longs to go home
Because you don't have to close your eyes

You can count the feathers of a sparrow as it flies overhead
And tune your heartbeat to the pace of a hummingbirds wings
Faint to hear as the world melts away

It's a place where flowers
Need not be sacrificed
Plucked and shortened from life
All in the name of love

People give plants and seeds
Of trees that last a lifetime
Year on year colours will splash
And they forever will bloom

Springs of water
In individual gardens
Doves roam freely
And gnomes are all the safety a home needs

A persons tongue can give you
The taste of his heart
And there you will be bound
Dancing on the tip
Unfolding a mystery
Beauty beyond reason