I am a trespasser in my own life
One who violates my own rights
Barricade my dreams
I find my soul on a Friday night
And let it go on a Sunday
As the blues leak in
I have grown roots I thought I needed
They tied me down and left me stranded
Now I nurture them because I grew them
I am not a tree
But like a blind man with no sense of time
I do not know what I am doing
I cannot remember what I did last week
I cannot make plans for a future when I don't know where I want to be

No
I don't feel comfortable around you no more
The thought of meeting you no longer brings excitement
But dread
Of how am I going to fill in the gaps
And look like I'm interested
It's strange
But surely I've been blind
To the hint of jealousy in your voice
It's always been there
Yet I'm only just starting to notice
There is a tremor of comparison and rivalry in all that you speak
I'm starting to find I don't care how you've been
The words that dreamt big
And once captured me
Have been swallowed by the bigger lies you tell you and I
And perhaps just maybe
The closeness I felt
Was an attachment out of habit
It could be that we never really hit it off at all
Because now I see inconvenience
And time and distance
And all other separating factors
That shouldn't even be an issue

All I can give you
Is my deepest sympathies
My sincere regrets
This is a moment
I can't simply say congrats
So let me mourn the loss of your logic
Of when reason jumped out the window

I stayed quiet
Just silent
What is left to say
I have nothing to prove
And if you don't believe me
Well it shows how much you know
I have no justification
Just that it happened
No apologies
I don't think I did anything wrong
And yeah I'm stubborn
I won't argue my point
It's the silent rebel in me
That gets to you the most
So try to figure me out
Analyse all that made me who I am
I'm a puzzle
Who wishes to remain a mystery
Even to myself

I love you like I love dreaming of travelling
I love you like I love walking outside in the drizzling rain
I love you like I love the ache in my bones after a good workout at the gym
I love you like I love the thrill of new experiences
I love you like I love the sun touching my eyelids first thing in the morning
I love you like I love watching the world go by from the window of a fast car
I love you like I love Christmas lights brightening up the streets on a cold winters evening
I love you like I love shortcuts
I love you like I love a blank canvas being filled with writing

Save me
From the pretty
Innocence of her eyes
The deception in her smile
They make it easier to fall
No doubt would cross my mind
She speaks lies
And truth she hides
Save me
From the way I am blind
Reveal the mask
With a spoonful of wise
Make me realise
I had fun
With a disguise
We rode out all the highs
Reached the skies
And she switched sides
Changed lines
But strings me along
Cos she knows I still pine
Save me
Make me see the sign
Neon bright
Letters out of line
Burnt out lights
A befitting sight
She can't be mine
If that glass
Still contains wine
I heard it all last time
It trickled down the grapevine

She always sits next to a window or near the door
And stares outside with a daydream look on her face
Like a bird waiting to fly from a cage
Within her I see
A fire
a hurricane
a catalyst
She can't sit still
It's like her fingers itch to feel
And her body is always on the move
Perhaps a desire to be free
Sometimes I catch her smiling randomly
And she makes me want to read her mind
To be apart of that something so beautiful that shines on the outside

I lie to myself everyday
But I can't trick my heart
I say that I won't cry when its over
These strings weren't meant to get attached

And I lie to you too
Saying I don't care
Left like a memory on the wall
Hands like windscreen wipers for my tears

Smiling loudly
At the moments
That are now long gone
And made me feel like I belonged

My heart dared me to believe
Gave me permission to live
To fall in love with life
So I fell blindingly fast

Painted colourful dreams
With eyes wide open
That started off with pretending
But ****** me in without realising

So what if we didn't make it together
Through every endeavour
Whatever the weather
Even though I need you now more than ever
I thought this time was forever

*you always leave and I always take you back

It was funny before I over thought it
Then completely annihilated it
I killed the joke
In the early hours of the morning
When my brain wouldn't shut up and shut down
I imagined every scenario
And giggled in an empty room to myself
Vivid it was
Because that's the brain of a poet
Blessed with the ability to paint pictures
And each sense will trigger a memory
Of the countless smiles she has
Yet I'm cursed with forgetting the rituals of mundane chores
I ruin things until I can't think straight anymore
All the wires criss cross
And get jumbled
Until the fuse eventually blows out
The silence
I like it
But it haunts me too
The emptiness
And off I go again
A complex combustion
Of how I can't even make my mind up
So I reason with it out loud
Stop thinking so much
You know you're not normal
Who does that?
But seriously I will sit and wonder
If it's unfaithful of people who have chickens as pets
To buy store brought eggs?
And between me and you
A thousand scenarios ensue

Her insides reflect broken shards
Digging corsets 
And sweetheart neck lines 
Blotches of wrong shades 
Splashed with pink blushes
To mask the pale and pasty 
You would never see the eyes that never sleep
Deep dark ***** depths 
Of a mind constantly thinking 
Secrets she's carrying 
Sick diseases of this world
The shadows call out
And lure her in 
With promises of moments of peace 
That will touch her shell
But never penetrate her soul
Yet still she's sold 
Peace is a longing that never gets old 
Meeting with guilt 
On a dusty road 
She searches the path of amnesia
Through echoing confessions
She never wanted to be told 
She watched them get drunk on tears 
And bathe in justice 
Dancing to the music of her cries 
Watching her turn crazy
And feed herself lies 
On how everything is going to be alright

Every now and then I catch the dark lingering wafts of smoke. It emanates from me. I hate that smell. The smell of cancer and death, the smell of disease and addiction. The smell of you. I stink of you. Yet I find myself breathing more frequently as though I can't place it. I just want to be sure, that it's me and not you, because of course, you're not here. In the darkness of my mind or in the empty rooms, the crowded cafes I go, to wake up and smell the coffee. My mind floats to the spaces where we sat together, the car where the smoke found no escape. The way it created fog and a dream like state. Now it's trapped in the fibres of my clothes, each strand of my hair, it clings to me like a second skin. Yet I smother my face in your sweater and take deep breaths in of smoke soaked oxygen, there's something about your smell I find comforting and that is quite disturbing.

When the dark nights lose the moon
I search for it amongst my ribs
Had it not been for you
I wouldn't  believe I had lived
I would have sworn that I was born inside my grave
I am sentenced to a life with you running through my veins
And exiled in your eyes
Like an anecdote to save the world
And us
I repeatedly launch your name into the sky
Breathe it into the ground
Let us flourish and thrive
Let your gaze strike the Earth
To become lightening
And new moons

Red is the heartbreak
Purple is the poison
Green are the questions
Of doubt, of why

But black is the emptiness of a soul
Like a thief in the depths of the darkest night
Who stole your most precious thing
And you didn't even know

White is the nothingness
The complete numbness
The constant something is missing
Slayed into oblivion

Together they are the buzzing vortex
The colours that are not even in the rainbow
The ones that matter the most
And you can't even catch them

Because they don't exist

I'm not following you
But you are my destination
So our paths are the same

          *You're heading to a dead end
                 You'll have to turn around
                  And choose another way

We had everything
Then even the silence left after chaos when there was nothing left to destroy
And the only warmth I feel now is in my belly from the drinks I drown to feel alive
But they can't chase away the chill in my soul as I listen to the story of my life in 4 minutes
Of loving, crying and leaving
And I want you to know I never made any plans without you in them
So today's death of mine bleeds into tomorrow
Tell me you can't resent these good intentions

I need you
to be there.
Don't let me
let you go
no matter what.

I need everything
The world can't see
With you beside me.

Give me guidance
Give me strength
Give me conscience
And all things heaven sent.

In this story
I am in the future I dreamt of
I know that it's a dream and I mustn't wake up
I mustn't waste time with a dream within a dream
This version has been drafted and edited to perfection
I am the master of this ideal creation
The best conjuring of my imagination
The soft touch of wind at twilight
The mountainous range at dawn
The ocean glistening like diamonds in the distance
Fields and valleys as far as my eye can see
Cobbled paths
A cafe along the beach
So many places I could get lost in
But my favourite would always be the cliffs edge
Where the sunrise performs it's majestic show
Until it touches what the moon has paused
And everything comes alive for another day more

Because it stops all the questions
And I want to find God again
I miss myself, who I used to be
I miss loving everything

Because it makes you happy
And I hate making people worry
Especially about me
I smile so I don't look lonely

Because maybe you will feel it
Even if I don't
Maybe if I smile all the time
It will start to rub off on the inside

California is burning
Texas is drowning
Florida is shaking
Harvey, Irma and Maria came visiting

Mexico is trembling
Bangladesh and Dominicans are swimming
Columbia is digging its way out
Sierra Leone is joining

Burma is cleansing
Arabia closed its borders
Qatar is not good enough
Yemen is restless

Manchester is recovering
London is divorcing
Syria is still weeping
Palestine is homeless

Egypt is struggling
Lebanon is trading
Humans as currency
Boko Haram is spreading

The world is suffering
Empathy is needed
Humanity is important
Why did we become so indifferent?

I've only known you for 3 years
There's so much you don't know
Only scratching the surface
Friendship pleasantries
All I tell you are the pleasantries
Sometimes the dark gets too much
The past gets too deep
And sometimes I lose myself in it
I want to talk
I want to be with you and forget
But it's like my lips have sworn an oath
And I don't know how
Or where to start
Worse
How to deal with your reaction
So despite our closeness
I bear it all alone
All the sad and ugly kept inside my stomach
I don't know how to hide it at its peak
When the eyebags are pools
And I bleed from my fingertips
When my body trembles
And my lips are sore
So I hide from you
It's easier this way
Easier to say my battery died
And my charger broke
Sometimes I raise a shaking finger
To your contact on my phone
Stare at the delete button
But you're a good friend
And I love you
So I wait it out
Untill I surpress everything from the time before you
Untill I can smile and see you

This is why
I disappear from time to time

You took me to a place in between
And showed me an ocean of rainbows
A river of stars
Where heavens poured golden drops

On the mountain of dreams
I forgot my fear of heights
On a carpet of smiles
We rode to the world of wonders

Beyond the hill of surprises
Was the wall of silence
And the trees of trust
With keys that danced their way down

To the doors of hope
And the place beyond
You told me about
The tornado's of love

The rainstorm of emotions
And I imagined
It would be like the feeling of being lost
In a forest of faeries

There could be unicorns
Or a flock of phoenix
Homes of chances
On a land of peace

I'll meet you in the meadow of risks
With my heart as prey
Beneath the lanterns of light
I'll stand in plain sight

I'll await for you to bring calmness
In a blanket of promises
And visions of tomorrow
To fulfil a life of prayers

I slide my fingers
up my collarbone
trace them around the column of my neck
searching for the evidence
through the pulsing vein on my neck
just to be sure
my heart is still there
it's here
where it needs to be
I lay my palm against the left side of my chest
you're mine more than his
beat for me

Self destruction
In a place where nothing is certain
When someone needs saving
From themselves

The way you don't need anyone
The one's you needed are all gone
Your searching for someone to hate
Anything to make you feel something in change of nothing

You'd rather be alone
And spend your days drowning
Wondering the streets
Inhaling the smoke as it darkens the lightness of your soul

Everyone here is out for something
You no longer believe in genuine
They get paid to look after you
And the therapist gets paid to understand things that don't make sense

An ugly thing that makes you jealous of     another you

The soul it longs for completion
The heart has become a cobweb
On the bedroom ceiling

The time of migration is upon us
A time of pilgrimage
Travelled by millions in history of time

O son of Adam 
Go forth
And leave the world behind

Walk in the footsteps
Of the beloved leaders
A time to reflect and change one's life

Just for a while
We will take a break
And reconnect with our roots

Days governed by prayers
Spent in the Lord chosen way
You could never overdose on prayers

in this game they call love
what is mine is yours
and what is yours
is also yours
they ask you about me
as though I exist not on my own

He set out to make her his
Broke her walls of protection and built a castle amongst the ruins
Violated her dreams and flew kites in the smoke of passion from the fire he left behind
He tore apart memories of existence before he entered her life
Stole her breath and tricked her heart into stopping yet believing it was the most alive it had ever been
Her blood boiled with the whispered words that meant nothing
Gripping fingers caged her between the circle of arms
He tied her life to his and made the government a witness so she could never escape
Uncovered her weaknesses
And saw the insecurities and physical blemishes
He made her vulnerable
Until she accepted love was the biggest gamble she would play
So she played to win
She would possess him too

I used to care
Way too much
About everyone
And everything
But you changed me
A new outlook
A new mindset
A new soul
I gave up
I don't care at all
Because you make me want to walk out
Chase pavements
Raise my hands to the sky
Ashes shower me like confetti
And I let it burn
I want it to swallow me whole
And end it all
Because you already destroyed me
Frayed and singed
Tattered and bent
The bristled edges sting
I can tell you a story
You wish you could forget
About how there's something about a ring
That feels like handcuffs
Something about a lie
That comforts
Like a balm I welcome
I drown it out
And blur the words that I heard
Just the way you raised it louder
Up
    Up
        Up
To overcome
It seeps out and
               Keeps on coming out
Leaving a trail
     of smudges
         A ***** trail
And it doesn't matter if its behind me
It follows me
Onto the spotless path ahead
And that's why
I still want to
Follow you into oblivion
Even the hell you show me
Sounds attractive
So I take 10 steps back
Closer to the flame
Close my eyes
And let the truth I now know
Become a truth that I show
Its mine

Its 3:23am
And I'm standing with my nose flattened against the cold window
Watching lightening flash in the dark of the night
Shedding light in the blind corners out of sight
Thunder roars demanding to be felt
As souls rest in the care of God
The weather teaches me how to write
About the healing dark
With the wind that passes through your street to mine
In this small world
I'm a clay figure beneath the stars tonight
With a poets mind that resists losing conscience
I'm convinced it's the weather that made poets

The taste of love songs
Swirls in your mouth
And all things sweet and pretty
Soft and delicate

She is more than
What you could ever asked for
Heads bow in respect
Hearts flutter in awe

She's the wealth
To all happiness
The secret to your dance
The meaning of romance

She's simple
Kind caring and considerate
Believes the best in everyone
I've never heard her shout

That's why she gives
And not takes
Even Forgives
Everyone's mistakes

First one by your side
And the last one to leave
Hold on tight
And do all you can to please

Without her you would be
*Incomplete

Before you came
I never celebrated birthdays
and nothing was the same
never the rebel was I

In fact my life was pretty lame.
I hardly made plans
and days merged together
until the routine was mundane.

Then you waltzed in
and swept me under your tide,
took me along for the ride,
and eventually made me cry.

But before that happened,
You took my hand
dragged me along
and injected that much needed fun.

Its okay that you're not here anymore
because nothing lasts forever
and I knew that before you came.
From this belief you distracted me
and like a fool I forgot,
what a shame.

I am painfully aware that I have not yet lived. There is too much I have seen that is not yet real, eyelids that shield the imagination of a strange vivid reel. If you peeled them open you might be able to see, it takes me far away where my soul divides itself between the realm of daydreams and reality. Too often I find myself waking to hands waving in front of me and I don't remember where I've been. My mind is a nomadic gypsy. It wanders amongst an abstract maze to where a million things could happen - brilliant and amazing things - yet only one thing does, and that's the one I live. But in the maze I see all the unexpected where life is a lot of luck and I don't always draw the short straw. My dreams are not shackled by the steps of my feet I am a **** that rips through the layers of soil. There is no fear, there is only a new start every morning without fail. My dreams are unguarded and they have no limits nor barriers.

In another universe the sky is always pink
A sleek back car takes a left turn up ahead
And everything slows down as a white one drives toward me
I'm walking beneath the shade of the trees as they make an arching umbrella above
I have seen gentle monsters quiet in the backseats of luxury cars
They are like church for me
A reflective moment as the world whizzes by

Kingdoms and empires
Built upon
Bloodied soil
It was death that brought victory
Death that conquered
Freedom that was brought
In exchange for souls
Guns were built by people
Who were spectators of war
The participants
Were civilians
Who were wound forward
By kings of mansions
That were passengers
Who enjoyed the spoils
Of a land that could not be healed