I have loved you since I couldn't even pronounce your name properly
For every breath I have taken on this earth
Since the moment I left the womb
You have been there
I have existed in your existence
Kinship
Blood ties
When someone asked how we were
Our names came together
Like a compliment
As though we were one person
One name with a hyphen
Me before you
Or you before me
But never alone
We belonged together
But now your name has desserted their lips
I come alone
Abandoned
As if you were never here
It feels like you were a ghost
An imaginary friend
Only the pictures prove otherwise
I want to hear the stories
Of how I followed you around
How you always gave in
When I asked you for anything
But you are trapped in memories behind eyes
That play like a movie
Projecting to every shadowed corner of this house
Sometimes I wake up and forget
I imagine I can hear your voice calling me to come to you
Your things are the same
The way you left them
It is us who have changed

I stayed quiet
Just silent
What is left to say
I have nothing to prove
And if you don't believe me
Well it shows how much you know
I have no justification
Just that it happened
No apologies
I don't think I did anything wrong
And yeah I'm stubborn
I won't argue my point
It's the silent rebel in me
That gets to you the most
So try to figure me out
Analyse all that made me who I am
I'm a puzzle
Who wishes to remain a mystery
Even to myself

Everything you say hits a little closer to home 
It's slightly below the belt
Like a soccer punch to the gut
And I just laugh it off 
Because with me
Everything is just a joke 
I would laugh at a funeral 
But how would you know 
I'm good at ruining things
It's what I do best
Always my fault 
So I keep secrets 
You don't know the half of it 
I'd rather seem cold and calculating 
Heartless and ruthless 
Because caring will show you the real me 
And I don't like who that is 
A bunch of insecurities 
Flaws stitched together 
With good intentions 
A past smudged with reasons to forget 
Lies that make me everything I am 
People who turned their backs and ran
Trust that I found hard to get 
Played like a game and now I'm in debt 
Don't tell me you care
Don't make me trip 
I am no one anyone can fix

It was funny before I over thought it
Then completely annihilated it
I killed the joke
In the early hours of the morning
When my brain wouldn't shut up and shut down
I imagined every scenario
And giggled in an empty room to myself
Vivid it was
Because that's the brain of a poet
Blessed with the ability to paint pictures
And each sense will trigger a memory
Of the countless smiles she has
Yet I'm cursed with forgetting the rituals of mundane chores
I ruin things until I can't think straight anymore
All the wires criss cross
And get jumbled
Until the fuse eventually blows out
The silence
I like it
But it haunts me too
The emptiness
And off I go again
A complex combustion
Of how I can't even make my mind up
So I reason with it out loud
Stop thinking so much
You know you're not normal
Who does that?
But seriously I will sit and wonder
If it's unfaithful of people who have chickens as pets
To buy store brought eggs?
And between me and you
A thousand scenarios ensue

Soft lingering notes
Of an instrument
Set the scene
And poured the atmosphere
With an intensity
That flowed in the rhythm of the pumping motion of my blood
And I wondered if somewhere in the back of my mind
I was making up the unrealistic static in the air
Because I was having a moment that would never be considered likely
Black hat tipped as the tassels swung back and forth
I braced the longest walk up the shortest flight of stairs
And it felt like
I was a river gushing down the mountain
Sweeping towards the sea
To join the tide
As we strode forth
With pride
Heads held high
A mechanical motion
With directed synchronisation
Each in our own glory
A moment of royalty
The letters sunk into paper
Bachelor of Arts
Combined Honours Degree
But as the bright lights blinded my eyes
I could not help but realise
I had reached a destination
From where the journey would begin once again
That I had climbed a ladder
And the rungs got higher
Just as I finally reached the spectacular view at the peak
I was left at a cliff hanger

Every now and then I catch the dark lingering wafts of smoke. It emanates from me. I hate that smell. The smell of cancer and death, the smell of disease and addiction. The smell of you. I stink of you. Yet I find myself breathing more frequently as though I can't place it. I just want to be sure, that it's me and not you, because of course, you're not here. In the darkness of my mind or in the empty rooms, the crowded cafes I go, to wake up and smell the coffee. My mind floats to the spaces where we sat together, the car where the smoke found no escape. The way it created fog and a dream like state. Now it's trapped in the fibres of my clothes, each strand of my hair, it clings to me like a second skin. Yet I smother my face in your sweater and take deep breaths in of smoke soaked oxygen, there's something about your smell I find comforting and that is quite disturbing.

I'm not following you
But you are my destination
So our paths are the same

          *You're heading to a dead end
                 You'll have to turn around
                  And choose another way

You took me to a place in between
And showed me an ocean of rainbows
A river of stars
Where heavens poured golden drops

On the mountain of dreams
I forgot my fear of heights
On a carpet of smiles
We rode to the world of wonders

Beyond the hill of surprises
Was the wall of silence
And the trees of trust
With keys that danced their way down

To the doors of hope
And the place beyond
You told me about
The tornado's of love

The rainstorm of emotions
And I imagined
It would be like the feeling of being lost
In a forest of faeries

There could be unicorns
Or a flock of phoenix
Homes of chances
On a land of peace

I'll meet you in the meadow of risks
With my heart as prey
Beneath the lanterns of light
I'll stand in plain sight

I'll await for you to bring calmness
In a blanket of promises
And visions of tomorrow
To fulfil a life of prayers

Because it stops all the questions
And I want to find God again
I miss myself, who I used to be
I miss loving everything

Because it makes you happy
And I hate making people worry
Especially about me
I smile so I don't look lonely

Because maybe you will feel it
Even if I don't
Maybe if I smile all the time
It will start to rub off on the inside

Red is the heartbreak
Purple is the poison
Green are the questions
Of doubt, of why

But black is the emptiness of a soul
Like a thief in the depths of the darkest night
Who stole your most precious thing
And you didn't even know

White is the nothingness
The complete numbness
The constant something is missing
Slayed into oblivion

Together they are the buzzing vortex
The colours that are not even in the rainbow
The ones that matter the most
And you can't even catch them

Because they don't exist

An ugly thing that makes you jealous of     another you

I don't know what I expected
but it wasn't this
I never thought we would ever
be awkward
uncomfortable silences
forced smiles
a sickening politeness
when we're both dying inside
just say something
tell me once
stop me
and I'll turn around
I'm not that strong
if only you knew
my weakness was you
that day
a stubborn pride got in our way
too proud to be the first to submit
first to let go or forgive
but I was begging you inside
inside I was broken
inside I wept

We had everything
Then even the silence left after chaos when there was nothing left to destroy
And the only warmth I feel now is in my belly from the drinks I drown to feel alive
But they can't chase away the chill in my soul as I listen to the story of my life in 4 minutes
Of loving, crying and leaving
And I want you to know I never made any plans without you in them
So today's death of mine bleeds into tomorrow
Tell me you can't resent these good intentions

The taste of love songs
Swirls in your mouth
And all things sweet and pretty
Soft and delicate

She is more than
What you could ever asked for
Heads bow in respect
Hearts flutter in awe

She's the wealth
To all happiness
The secret to your dance
The meaning of romance

She's simple
Kind caring and considerate
Believes the best in everyone
I've never heard her shout

That's why she gives
And not takes
Even Forgives
Everyone's mistakes

First one by your side
And the last one to leave
Hold on tight
And do all you can to please

Without her you would be
*Incomplete

I need you
to be there.
Don't let me
let you go
no matter what.

I need everything
The world can't see
With you beside me.

Give me guidance
Give me strength
Give me conscience
And all things heaven sent.

All I can give you
Is my deepest sympathies
My sincere regrets
This is a moment
I can't simply say congrats
So let me mourn the loss of your logic
Of when reason jumped out the window

My home is Brittania
Sarcastic comedy
Eating crumpets and biscuits
Dunking them in the Earl Grey tea

Home is in Pakistan
Across the lush rural fields
Where the day breaks
To a rooster crowing

My home is in Turkey
Near the turquoise sea
In the cobbled old town
Full of culture and history

Home is in America
In land and in liberty
Where everything goes
The good, the bad and the ugly

My home is in Morocco
In the colourful bazaars
The dessert land
A stark divide between wealth and poverty

Home is in Yemen, Iraq and Syria
In the hearts torn by policy
Where they speak the language of tears
And know the taste of hunger

My home is in India
In the classic Bollywood films
The spicy curries
The bright embroidered outfits

My home is in Arabia
In the pilgrimage of unity
The mosque of my prophet
The past, the present and future

My home is the world
The land is one
Humans we are divided
Borders? My God created none

in this game they call love
what is mine is yours
and what is yours
is also yours
they ask you about me
as though I exist not on my own

In this story
I am in the future I dreamt of
I know that it's a dream and I mustn't wake up
I mustn't waste time with a dream within a dream
This version has been drafted and edited to perfection
I am the master of this ideal creation
The best conjuring of my imagination
The soft touch of wind at twilight
The mountainous range at dawn
The ocean glistening like diamonds in the distance
Fields and valleys as far as my eye can see
Cobbled paths
A cafe along the beach
So many places I could get lost in
But my favourite would always be the cliffs edge
Where the sunrise performs it's majestic show
Until it touches what the moon has paused
And everything comes alive for another day more

I slide my fingers
up my collarbone
trace them around the column of my neck
searching for the evidence
through the pulsing vein on my neck
just to be sure
my heart is still there
it's here
where it needs to be
I lay my palm against the left side of my chest
you're mine more than his
beat for me

I am painfully aware that I have not yet lived. There is too much I have seen that is not yet real, eyelids that shield the imagination of a strange vivid reel. If you peeled them open you might be able to see, it takes me far away where my soul divides itself between the realm of daydreams and reality. Too often I find myself waking to hands waving in front of me and I don't remember where I've been. My mind is a nomadic gypsy. It wanders amongst an abstract maze to where a million things could happen - brilliant and amazing things - yet only one thing does, and that's the one I live. But in the maze I see all the unexpected where life is a lot of luck and I don't always draw the short straw. My dreams are not shackled by the steps of my feet I am a **** that rips through the layers of soil. There is no fear, there is only a new start every morning without fail. My dreams are unguarded and they have no limits nor barriers.

He set out to make her his
Broke her walls of protection and built a castle amongst the ruins
Violated her dreams and flew kites in the smoke of passion from the fire he left behind
He tore apart memories of existence before he entered her life
Stole her breath and tricked her heart into stopping yet believing it was the most alive it had ever been
Her blood boiled with the whispered words that meant nothing
Gripping fingers caged her between the circle of arms
He tied her life to his and made the government a witness so she could never escape
Uncovered her weaknesses
And saw the insecurities and physical blemishes
He made her vulnerable
Until she accepted love was the biggest gamble she would play
So she played to win
She would possess him too

Self destruction
In a place where nothing is certain
When someone needs saving
From themselves

The way you don't need anyone
The one's you needed are all gone
Your searching for someone to hate
Anything to make you feel something in change of nothing

You'd rather be alone
And spend your days drowning
Wondering the streets
Inhaling the smoke as it darkens the lightness of your soul

Everyone here is out for something
You no longer believe in genuine
They get paid to look after you
And the therapist gets paid to understand things that don't make sense

To offer yourself to someone for smiles
Makes life all worth the while
To share someone’s grief
And listen to relieve

To have love in your heart for someone
A home where you feel wholesome
And this without a doubt
Is what life is all about

Granted, we are poor,
by the standard of our pockets
But here is the good part
We are rich at heart

Perish for love that is Life
Upwards and onwards we strive
Crave for spring that is life
Under which all thrive

Relationship between the heart and the hearts trust
The name of love lives on because of us

Even if we die we will be one
Remembered by someone
That we will smile through a little one
A flower will tell a bud, on and on

That this is what life is all about

You still have a spark 
The magic runs through your veins 
And your mind is always on fire 
Even when pen is not put to paper 

Bigger and better 
Brighter and higher 
Your still in the game 
Even when you're not playing 

Writers block is just a fancy word
For taking a break 
Not accepting anything less 
Than perfection 

But poetry is in your laugh 
It's the inside joke 
It's in the way you dream 
The fibres of your being

Its 3:23am
And I'm standing with my nose flattened against the cold window
Watching lightening flash in the dark of the night
Shedding light in the blind corners out of sight
Thunder roars demanding to be felt
As souls rest in the care of God
The weather teaches me how to write
About the healing dark
With the wind that passes through your street to mine
In this small world
I'm a clay figure beneath the stars tonight
With a poets mind that resists losing conscience
I'm convinced it's the weather that made poets

I hunger for normality
Just once
Just so I could feel it
Live it

Normal person
With a normal life
In a normal house
With normal people
Doing normal things

To normal people

This may sound boring

But normal to me
Sounds like a safe life
Day in, day out

What I'd do for a normal life

In another universe the sky is always pink
A sleek back car takes a left turn up ahead
And everything slows down as a white one drives toward me
I'm walking beneath the shade of the trees as they make an arching umbrella above
I have seen gentle monsters quiet in the backseats of luxury cars
They are like church for me
A reflective moment as the world whizzes by

Before you came
I never celebrated birthdays
and nothing was the same
never the rebel was I

In fact my life was pretty lame.
I hardly made plans
and days merged together
until the routine was mundane.

Then you waltzed in
and swept me under your tide,
took me along for the ride,
and eventually made me cry.

But before that happened,
You took my hand
dragged me along
and injected that much needed fun.

Its okay that you're not here anymore
because nothing lasts forever
and I knew that before you came.
From this belief you distracted me
and like a fool I forgot,
what a shame.

Dear diary,

Today I let him insult me
And if this isn't love then I don't know what is

They say love is an affair of the heart
But I've lost my **** mind

A fool in love

He's a ticking time bomb
Un predictive
And volatile
That boy's had a bad mood
Far beyond recommended
It's turned into a permanent
Sour faced scowl
His sane mind is on a long vacation
He will joke at everyone
But can't be on the receiving end
A wolf in sheep clothing
Eventually the wool will be sheared
He's possessive like a boa constrictor
Suspicious without reason
Girl in the end you'll lose
She always gets defeated
Work problems will come home
Until there is no work left at all
Snide remarks
He wants respect without deserving it
Girl you will be pulling a double shift
That boy he won't ever be appreciative
Claps her cheek
And fist bumps her eye
That ain't no 'walked into a wall'
And no one believes her lies
So don't let what he should have brought to the table
Be the only thing you had to eat
Being lonely is better than being unhappy with someone and losing your self-respect and dignity

You're just not my person
And I don't mean opposites attract
You grate on my nerves
And I wish I could change that.

You're just not my person
And there's nothing wrong with that
You do things you're way
But I won't be you're doormat.

Kingdoms and empires
Built upon
Bloodied soil
It was death that brought victory
Death that conquered
Freedom that was brought
In exchange for souls
Guns were built by people
Who were spectators of war
The participants
Were civilians
Who were wound forward
By kings of mansions
That were passengers
Who enjoyed the spoils
Of a land that could not be healed

I've never heard
Silence echo so loud
I've never ached
For something I never had

Now I dream
To fly without wings
I would steal God's stars
If that's what you wanted

The intoxication of coloured springs
Gives life a whole new perspective
If ever heaven exists
I would vouch for it's presence

Beyond what the eyes can see
Are hearts with twin beats
There flutters a breeze
That longs to be alive

I would risk being called mad
But never a scent was smelt
Never did you want or need
Never were you ever so afraid

A soul that willingly submits
A veil surrounds those it befits
A warmth; a caress
Dare you call it anything less

Never was someone to a heart
So dear
Never will you ever find a
Greater treasure

A presence that can barely be felt
As though you had never lived without
Words which can do no justice
A language that can only be breathed

California is burning
Texas is drowning
Florida is shaking
Harvey, Irma and Maria came visiting

Mexico is trembling
Bangladesh and Dominicans are swimming
Columbia is digging its way out
Sierra Leone is joining

Burma is cleansing
Arabia closed its borders
Qatar is not good enough
Yemen is restless

Manchester is recovering
London is divorcing
Syria is still weeping
Palestine is homeless

Egypt is struggling
Lebanon is trading
Humans as currency
Boko Haram is spreading

The world is suffering
Empathy is needed
Humanity is important
Why did we become so indifferent?

The soul it longs for completion
The heart has become a cobweb
On the bedroom ceiling

The time of migration is upon us
A time of pilgrimage
Travelled by millions in history of time

O son of Adam 
Go forth
And leave the world behind

Walk in the footsteps
Of the beloved leaders
A time to reflect and change one's life

Just for a while
We will take a break
And reconnect with our roots

Days governed by prayers
Spent in the Lord chosen way
You could never overdose on prayers