Take me with you
Where your dreams lie
My world is where you are
Take me with you
I belong by your side
Come back
Let's sit on the porch
Watch the moon and stars twinkle
I will half this life of mine with yours
Every breath I take will be a short drag
So you can share
And when the morning comes
We'll share every ray of the sun
This time
I'll make sure to follow you
So when the shade comes
I'll be in it with you too

I'm sorry
That I let the pain
Twist me into someone new
Someone wrung out and tired
Wary hearted
Using distance as protection
But I was once fooled
For my love was turned into a social scandal
Mocked
And demoralised
Desires turned into
Whispered taboos
My devotion
Became a mark of shame
My trust
A sign of weakness
Everything I was became a story of pity
So I blamed myself
Changed myself
Became as cold as the heart he gave me

To the housewife,
the unsung hero of the home,
always busy, never alone.

Your work is never done,
yet you wear a smile, not a moan.
Your love and care is second to none,
as you tend to everyone.

You juggle a million tasks,
with grace and poise, no need to ask.
You are the glue that holds it all together,
through sunny days and stormy weather.

Your worth cannot be measured,
in dollars or possessions,
for it is immeasurable,
in the love and affection you impart to all.

So here's to the housewife,
the heart of the home,
forever loved and admired,
never left alone.

Shower me not
With gifts of extravagance
Don't drip me with gold

I ask not for my closet to be filled
Or crisp notes to line my pockets
No matter the occasion

Your kindness is easy
Your giving is much
Much not needed

Give if you must
I'd rather you understand
Give me your patience

And if that were to run out
Gift me respect
And appreciation

But if those are not amongst your gifts
If it is beyond your ability
Above your reach

Then gift me time
With your absence
I will lavish with self respect

Let it not be perfect
May we be flawed
And quarrel
Lest covet gazes linger

I am beware
Of aesthetic
Wary of too good
Being lost in the shout

Pray my love be private
Felt not seen
Hidden not absent
Whispered like secrets in the cover of night

Such ease
Such mercy
Belongs not on this land
I am scared of the illusion

Only in Eden
Should there be the love of heavens
Where no jealousy lies
Nor a grief in sight

I want to wake to disagreements
And fall asleep making up
I want ill planned good intentions
And of course a few ***** ups

I want to fix it together
Believe there's nothing we can't conquer
Laughs and tears
I want with you many many years

There may be a shaky path
But I want undoubted love
Trialling, testing but not a breakable wrath
Not one of dreams, I want reality love

I am trying
To breathe
When it doesn't hurt
I want to forget you
And remember you at the same time
Tears have taken residence in my eyes
My heart has sent distress signals
I don my Sunday best and head to the confessional
All this grief equates to at least a drop of liquor
I still haven't figured out why I treat myself
To celebrate the passing day
How I got out of bed and made it out
Or mourn that every confession is about you
Even when it's not
And I don't want you to be gone
Yet so much a part of me anymore
My head spins
My smile remains
And I order
Pour it all in my name
The night is almost over
I must end it as the sinner
I have a confession to go to in the morning
I drink for the unjust way she left me
I drink for it's all I have left
I sit stone cold sober
And I tell the priest
That I think Icarus died
With the sun
Still clenched in his palms

We are like a pomegranate
Sweet sometimes sour
Slow to peel
Thick skins
Hard to digest
We come apart bit by bit
Gently
Lest we squash under the pressure
And all the lovely juice go to waste
There's so many seeds
Of love, care, secrets and doubts
So many fears
Grit between our teeth
Mother we are exotic
And foreign
Expensive yet stubbornly brown in the sun
Refusing to be sold
For price has no meaning
Loyalty does
We colour the ones who are worthy
Bold and bright
The hues of a rose

Mum I grew up
My worries are taller than the mountains
And my fault in life is plenty
My dreams have been stifled
And my heart is heavy
Behind these eyes
I hide my pain
My brain resists the telling of my heart
Of knocking your door at night; and crying.

You came
At a time
When I just needed a reason
An excuse to live
You became a beacon of light
On a stormy night
While I waded through the dark ocean
So I swam towards you
Like a pirate seeking treasure
And while you sheltered me
With the distraction
Of something new
A budding hope began to bloom
But when I opened my chest
I saw that your treasure had already been taken
Love is not always an exchange
So I gave you my heart anyway

And if I don't find you
What will I tell this heart of mine?
How would I repress it's asking for you?
Should I trick it like a child
Say that you couldn't come
Something came up
But keep giving it hope
Or console it with the distraction of something else

In hindsight
Having you was the most reckless thing I have ever done
There wasn't any space inside of me
To love the way a mother should
The way a child deserved
Before I held you in my arms
I dreamt of standing on the edge of a cliff
And letting myself fall
I see myself in your eyes
And I resist the tug that pulls me away
Grasping for reasons to stay
A big part of me foolishly hoped
That you would become my purpose
Or absolve the loneliness
But you are my punishment
To whom I am held accountable
Another place that I fall short
My arms are too cold
For someone as warm as you
My breaths too shallow
For someone who is so full of life
I fear one day
In a spontaneous moment
I'll pay heed to the voices
And move on
Sometimes I tell myself that it would be my gift to you
To rid you of me
Allow you the gift of childhood
The innocence of youth
The forgiveness of time
You will be blessed with forgetting I ever existed
I dream that another will hold you close to their chest
And you'll stop crying
I wake up sobbing at the darkness lurking within me
To do to you what ruined me

If a portrait:
then only the kind you won't see in the mirror.
If a house: then not too warm
lest there be reluctance in leaving.
If plans:
then only those which can be changed.
If belongings:
then just so much that can be carried.
When the time comes to leave,
who told you that you are permitted to keep what you own?
To settle in?
Who told you that it would last forever?
Did no one ever tell you,
that nowhere in this world
is home?

If lies had shape it would be the curve in his smile
The brightness of his teeth
He was the growling of fire
Whilst I was the silence of ashes

Excuse me a moment
Let me leave your bed

Keep your dreams
From your dark smouldering eyes
I am taking my leave

Putting all my interests at risk
I am taking back my self respect

Why does your heart dip
And the Earth tremble beneath your feet
When God is dangling above your breastbone
And frozen at your lips?
Why can't you sleep
And why do the sins of others worry you so
When the name of God is in your name
And the commands of God your script?

The night is arrogant in its possession of the moon
I have the innocent dreams of a sinner
There's a moon of my own
With whom I met by chance
How beautiful is God's mercy
The undeserved deprived of waiting
Maybe I had faught with some past memories
And swore not to make any more
I watch from a distance
Smile for his existence
Let the light in his eyes
Carry my heart
To a future I am powerless to deny

I know my success chokes in your throat
I know my happiness burns your eyes
I know evil things labelled with love
And people who want my demise
I hear the words you use to disguise
The past you have with me
And how you shove the rewritten version into the world
At an attempt to hide all things vile
You think I have forgotten?
That I believe your lies?
But I let you spin your tale
And choose to keep you nearby
So I can see your traps in front of me
And side step everytime

It felt like clinging to the mast
of a tiny boat
in a storm stricken sea
We lay naked
penitent
and punished
Like the depictions of atoning sinners
The truck jostled
and hurled our bruised skin against eachothers
When they found us
it was cold and dark
Stood in the open plain space
we shivered
as tendrils of panic escaped in whimpers
in bodies
huddling together
trying not to be seen as one
When I could finally speak
It was a tangle of words
They fell confusingly
some desperate to escape
some of them trying to hide
All of them needing to be heard
but too embarassed to be seen
From that moment on
the distance between all humans would become vast
At some point silence will stretch between us
and I'll always feel all alone
Some would say that I have disconnected from reality
but I had connected too much

To what do I owe this grief
To whom do I point my finger
I have no solution
Or reverse spell

From whom do I collect my debt
From where do I rewrite my fate
Call it madnes
A believer becoming faithless

Tell me where will I find my heart
The cure to my blindness
I offer my blood in sacrifice
My soul for his life

I thought the harsh thumping against my chest
And the tingles down my spine
Would stop if I had my lips pressed against yours
But it didn't
It made it worse
And I felt it explode in my chest
Some kind of Morse code
But all I can hear is the white noise
Every fibre of my being
Every atom of my blood
Choosing the very moment my eyes set on you
To prove their existence
In that moment I'm painfully aware of everything
Yet there's nothing I can focus on
Its like you're the moon and I'm the tide

What are you made of
You cold hearted *****
He roared
And I didn't even blink
Long after he left the room
I whispered
Heartbreak
Pain
And chaos
I've tamed that girl that used to cry
The wild animal that would whimper
I controlled it
Made it strong
Buried her deep deep down inside
She doesn't even try to surface
I no longer see the point in crying over things
I can't control
I took the tears and froze them
For they are nothing but a useless reaction
Just like the noise of anger
And the withering of heartbreak
So I chose to become a statue
Sometimes this thing in my chest
It does things I no longer recognise
It makes me feel so strange inside
But it's been so long since I gave these things the honour of a name
I let them pass like the way I release breaths
Silently
Secretly
Without being acknowledged

I asked questions which did not have answers
And befriended those who could not keep relations
I died in his eyes
But swallowed them whole
To live in the refraction
That caught me in them

Your problem was
That you knew too much
It was the first time I saw
Knowledge destroy a man
You had a heart
And the world didn't make sense
There was no logic nor reason
It was too fast paced
You had been through too much
Seen what no one should have to see
Lost more than anyone could imagine
This life had given you pain and suffering
With endless turmoil
Not even a promise of it ending
Nor a glimmer of hope
The problem was that you drew all the short straws
Had all the bad luck
And none of it was your own fault
Not a single soul to hold to account
No one that could bring it all back
Your problem was that you couldn't turn it off
That you couldn't leave the past
That you couldn't unhear
Unlearn
Unsee
In a world where we all turn blind eyes
Ignore what does not please
We deliberately avoid the knowledge
What we don't know
Can't hurt us
Nor can we be held accountable
Enough to be pacified
But you
You hunted the truth
Chased it like a hound
And even when you didn't like the taste
You swallowed it whole
And it poisoned you against living in a world of monsters

Yesterdays walk with me
Lick my wounds
Remind me of words I don't want to remember
Shelter my present with echoes of loving whispers
Those in passing
Make me laugh
Laugh at me
Make me ashamed
Scare me in my dreams
Stop me from doing things
I have taken the path of a cursed woman
What of my words now?
What of a goal? Woebegone all that is not you
It would be a lie to say that I don't still ache for you
That my life will not pass in suffering
What of the soul I sold
For the magic of us felt too much to not believe in?

How strange is this world
Where happiness comes hand in hand with sorrow
Yet my breath is at ease
Everything is okay
My heart is uncomfortably content
I am the faithful cup bearer
In silence
I complain
Your name does not pass my lips
Tell me who could I tell
About what I felt within a day
My heart is a worshipper
And love is my confession
A destination I was not meant reach
My hand captured the night
But the day was bound to rise
I was lost
But now I am here
I am my own hope
These dark clouds are the poetry I see in the sky
Every chapter I turn of this book
I wonder
If maybe we have
Spilt our tears over the same page?

You pulled me towards you
And I came undone
Like I was waiting all my life
For the calling of your heartbeat
I came scattered
Went against the world
And pulled pieces of myself away
But to you I arrived whole
And you waited like a body without a soul
Like you always knew
My destination would always be you

She learnt from a young age
How to be a genius of sadness
To allow it to come
And let it take it's course
To not fight
Nor run away
But to brave herself
And meet it head on
For there was a blessing in disguise
Could one learn how to heal
If they've never been hurt?
Healed people
Heal people
She took pain and cushioned it within her chest
Then with it she weathered the storm
Although her eyes knew not how to conceal
Her mouth rose to the occasion
So when sadness seeks her out
She makes no excuses
And keeps all its secrets
Her faith was infinite

Running
I like running
Her words whispered into the cold night air
Releasing the fog around her brain
And after that stumble they came tumbling out
It's easy you know
To put distance behind you
It's my favourite thing to do
Its funny how a misunderstanding could help you understand more than you were ever supposed to
For I imagined her
Turning her back
Moving on and starting again
I thought she meant running like me
....like me
That's what I do
I run
But she always returned back to the start
I never did

Sometimes I wish I can run away
Go missing
Disappear
Sometimes just for a few hours
Other times for days
When my head starts to hurt
And the people get too much
I don't want to be seen
Perhaps I'll be by myself
Perhaps I'll meet people that don't make me spin
Don't make me overthink
Don't repeat the same **** thing

There's light inside me
My heart pumps to it
You see my heart
It's good
But the hands
My hands are sinful
They reach for you
And you hang onto my past
More than I
I am willing to let go
To forget
To grow
But your gaze always starts at my roots
And they are sprouted in hell

There are sorrows
That rip me apart in silence.
Ones I can't bring to my lips.
For they would blame me,
Like I had a choice
To feel this way.
I chose you
Not knowing the grief it would bring

There are truths that are yet to be learnt
The ones that are written into every atom of this world
Like the shadows that will always belong to you no matter how much you don't recognise them
That I am yours and you are mine
We are a whisper that will shatter the silence
And ripple years into the future

You're immature
Stubborn
And a quitter
Everything I didn't think you were
If I had seen these traits I would have turned my feet around the moment I met you

Her words were like teaspoons of ice
Which unhurriedly snuffed out the fire brewing within his chest
He fought back tears of frustration
As the desire for revenge filled his lungs
And painfully ripped through his jaw
The hands lazily ticked by unaware of their importance to deescalate the situation
The night cheered in manipulation
Providing security
Not secrecy
And so the devil hastened
Refusing to open the door to understanding
Pride stood blocking the entrance of dejection
Thoughts scattered in a volcano of hot anger
He erupted in a display
That only ever needs to be seen once
To have a reputation

Sometimes the thought of you flits across my mind
And I swear I can hear the happiness in my grin
I can feel my heart elevate to pour out of my mouth
Like a song only I could know

The greedy dig their own grave with their teeth
Torso and cheek into the mud
Until there's nothing more than blood
And alabaster bone fragments
They don't want anything that can be given or taken
It has to be found
The greedy seek to lay claim
In public
And own in private
The greedy aren't needy
They want
And that's all that matters

He says our religion is the same
But I am not what he is
He claims I don't have much knowledge
But I know he does not practice what he preaches
He shows me scriptures and Qur'an verses
To prove his point
He doesn't show me the ones about love
Forgiveness
And being a good person
No
He tells me about punishment and death
About the hellfire that is licking at my heels
He points to me and
Tells me of a God I have not known
This God sounds strict
Unmerciful
Oppressive
He condemns me
Extradites me out of the fold
But I am not scared
I am sure
If Islam is what he is
Then I don't want to be apart of it