In hindsight
Having you was the most reckless thing I have ever done
There wasn't any space inside of me
To love the way a mother should
The way a child deserved
Before I held you in my arms
I dreamt of standing on the edge of a cliff
And letting myself fall
I see myself in your eyes
And I resist the tug that pulls me away
Grasping for reasons to stay
A big part of me foolishly hoped
That you would become my purpose
Or absolve the loneliness
But you are my punishment
To whom I am held accountable
Another place that I fall short
My arms are too cold
For someone as warm as you
My breaths too shallow
For someone who is so full of life
I fear one day
In a spontaneous moment
I'll pay heed to the voices
And move on
Sometimes I tell myself that it would be my gift to you
To rid you of me
Allow you the gift of childhood
The innocence of youth
The forgiveness of time
You will be blessed with forgetting I ever existed
I dream that another will hold you close to their chest
And you'll stop crying
I wake up sobbing at the darkness lurking within me
To do to you what ruined me