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  Jun 2015 Sia Jane
holyoak
no one believed in ghosts
until we realized everyones transparent
no one holds on tighter
than when they realize
they have to let go
but the terrifying part
is that im not sure
if ive ever been held
my hands are made of smoke
my heart is caged vapor
im reaching
for so many people
but im a phantom
made of lies & half truths
how can i be honest with you
when i could never admit to myself
that im a ghost
im a real boy
i chant to myself
as my strings get pulled
a marionette made of fog
the realest ill ever be
is when im spouting
the opinions of others
out of my incorporeal mouth
tying together borrowed words
with my ethereal tongue
as if i have a thought process of my own
whats it feel like to be a ghost?
id say like hell
but ghosts dont feel much anyway
were all living on borrowed feelings
donated sympathy
& hand-me-down ignorance
an army of ghosts
that cant even defend themselves
we bash each other
with words that are almost
as hollow as our chests
no one knows anything
about themselves
but everyone knows everything
about everyone else
we see through each other
but we cant see ourselves
we try to reflect one another
but the vapor is always shifting
its maddening
being so shapeless
yet so defined
i want a body of my own
i want a place i can call home
i want to not be shamed for my opinion
i want to respect others fully
ghosts are meant to terrify
& let me be honest when i say
ive never seen anything as ghostly
as this generation of opinionated plagiarists

[holyoak]
Sia Jane Jun 2015
Isa was the type of girl we all dreamed of being. She spoke
quietly, smiled softly, & held her body with grace. For
now she was heaven. No one truly knew her & her eyes would hide
a multitude of secrets from her past. One summer she began
a diary of her innermost thoughts:

I can't sleep. It is 4am & I am typing
my thoughts. The sun is rising
in the sky. Charlotte is calling me (I hope this
afternoon). I can hear the kettle whistling
so I'm going to make a cup of tea.

Later Charlotte showed me her diary:

Outside the sun is rising. 4am. Just waking up.
Going over to X's this afternoon. Got to go.
My tea is ready.

Then I let her read my diary. I was shy at first to share
something so private. We realised we had a lot in common.
I was intrigued by who X was, & she smiled, "Someone might
read my words without me knowing!"
I smiled back back. Of course. What a good idea. How had I not thought
of that. From that day on I always used X for those people I knew.

© Sia Jane
Inspired by "Diaries" by Anne Waldman.
  Jun 2015 Sia Jane
Corset
The evening sipped
Its golden bright,
as the sun spilled
it's yellow stomach
spoke in streams
of babbled havoc.
Slinging a silvery palm
along the slender hip
of wanton youth in
wishful grip.

O' to be young,
to be young
without the cares
of the infirm full,
of knar's and knot
like the desires of an
old oak tree.

To touch,
the velvet rose light
of the beauty
in her skin,
lovingly caressed
of wistful eye
and
age of bristle.
" "Bather with long hair" a painting by Renoir  "
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