Fear and panic sweep over me.
I need to move
but I'm paralyzed by my need for normalcy.
One pop of a pill and it will drift away,
and I will sleep.

But sleep is for the weak,
or is sleep for the week?
That's what my body
bounces back and forth between.
There is no middle.
No start.
Eventually an End.

The inner meaning of desire
bounces from my heart to my head,
as if it is the ball in a pin ball machine.
I try to fight off this anxious feeling,
though it is a chemical imbalance in my brain.
Why do I fight with the chemicals in my body?

I fight to feel normal.
I fight to not rely on a simple pop of a pill that my doctor gives me.
She tells me to take it when I need it, she trusts me.
Sometimes I feel that trust is too much.
Because this anxiety is a metaphor for life,
and I know that problems cannot be solved, by one simple solution.
I fight to be strong.

he likes to creep into her mind and possess every thoughts she has ,
before she could do anything , he is running in her veins ,
He is her sky , moon ,sun and the rain ..
the mere thought of losing him leaves tears on her pillow case

lost they used to be , in each other they found themselves
they fit in together like the missing pieces of the same puzzle (to be continued..)

My soul is a vast
terrifying wasteland.
It has always been this way.

Then you came to fill
the void in my heart
and I truly believed you were here to stay.

As a lover or friend
I felt the connection.
One I thought would never fray.

Now suddenly I am empty
a void once again.
I don't know how it came to be this way.

In a few short hours
I lost the one friend
I was sure would never stray.

It is okay if your feelings
have seeped from your heart,
But why must you leave me this way?

I gave you a chance
I gave you more and more.
But suddenly you have nothing to say.

When we parted last night,
you were my night dressed in armor.
Now you have drifted away.

I don't know what I did,
Or what I may have said
To make you want to throw me away.

From this I cannot recover.
This time it's too far.
I've lost you, you've gone far away.

I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".


Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of First and Amistad


Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me


In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me


Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me


Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all I want


Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

I miss you
No, you don't
You miss my words,
and how they made you feel
like you could live happily
You do not miss me

I have decided
I know what you're debating
I have told you not to, many times
Each time you ask for my help
and for 3 long years I tried to help
but it is not my job to save you

I want to die
I know you feel that way, I know
but tell your girlfriend, friends,
better yet, tell your therapist
Not I, who you left at the side of the road
with a broken and confused heart
Do not ask me to fix you

Oh, so you've moved on then?
I rebuilt my life without you,
as I saw you rebuilding yours
But you came crawling back
when I was finally happy
And you tried to creep your way
back into my veins
I washed you out with the tears I shed

It is not my job to save you,
and you made that quite clear to me
when you told me you no longer loved me
do not say you miss me now that I am gone
do not try to tear me away from my new love
the one who holds me when you do this

You are breaking me, and stealing parts of me
in order to fix yourself

A love so strong
Yet oh so wrong

Is this feeling right
Or should I stay and fight
For the one who stood beside me through all the long nights
The one who took my breath away and holds me oh so tight
This choice is to hard and can not be taken light

How can I say I do
When my heart is split in two
My heart has turned to goo
And I'm left wondering what, when and WHO?

Is this friendship or something more
Feeling this way is like breaking a law
When the words you speak go straight to my core
oh how I adore

The things you say I just can't bare
For how could my loves, love compare
To do this to him would be much to unfair

My feelings for you are unsure
Heart trapped and needing to soar
Chaffing against the chain leaving me raw
And ever so sore

I feel so guilty but who could have foresaw
That I could have ever wanted something more  
Should I, would I, could I ever show him the door?