I listen to love songs,
On rainy days.
Those are the days,
I need them most.

I let myself mull over one regret a day,
So they all don't come crashing down on me.
I teach myself not to repeat my past mistakes,
So maybe one day I won't have any regrets to mull over.

I want to confess to you my everything,
As we count the stars above.
Call this what you may,
But I ask you not to call it love.

I need a person,
To call my own.
I'm like a stray cat,
Searching for a home.

Please, don't look at me,
With such hope in your eyes.
I'm so concerned,
It's some kind of lie,
Made up in my mind.
That you are not as nostalgic,
As I find.

I want to forget,
To restart.
Another high stakes game,
With my duct taped heart.

Back to square one,
Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be.
Squares two, three, four, and five,
Just weren't right for me.

Where  
             do
                   we
                          go
                                 from
                                          here?
            ­                        Do
                              we
     ­                 take
                 a
          step
back?
         Then
                  move
                            forward
                                          from
                                                  there?


Somet­imes you need go back to the beginning to move forward.

It doesn't go away.
The thought, the feeling, the question,
That keeps me reeling.
What if,
What could have been,
What would be different if I changed what I said?
I look to you with those questions in my head,
What if,
What if.

I took your hand and led you into the dance floor,
(Both slightly intoxicated I'll admit)
Somebody had fallen,
I tripped on them.
Due to gravity,
With your hand in mine,
I fell,
Taking you with me.

Giddy, we laid there for a moment,
Watching clusters of bodies moving around us.
After the process of detangling and getting back up,
We began to dance.

There was a spark,
With each step we surprised each other.
Bodies moving in sync.
Never quite meeting.
Locked eyes,
Heavy breathing,
Suddenly,
I saw you in a different light.

The song ended like all good ones do,
And we stood there.
Unable to describe what had just happened.

"Usually I'm an awful dancer."
"Same here."
"But together we're great."

At least I wasn't the only one that fell that night.

I tell myself that one day,
I will write a book.

In hopes of inspiring someone,
Maybe they will change the world.

Saving someone so desperate,
Telling them they're not alone.

Sparking imagination,
Creating magic.

Bringing people together,
Forgetting senseless squabbles.

I want to change someone's world for the better.

I feel the world closing in,
My heart pounding rapidly like rain drops on a windowpane,
As I struggle for breath.
I want to cry,
Why do I feel this way so suddenly?
Moments ago,
I was absolutely fine.

Anxiety attacks make no sense.

I have gotten so used to letting myself down,
And getting let down,
That it doesn't surprise me,
When he greeted me with open arms,
I awkwardly stood there not knowing how to react.
So wrongfully shy,
For the right guy.


I hope he has patience.

I'm a closet romantic.
Constantly
Writing poetry
About beautiful boys.
But if you talk to me
Face to face
I'll deny that is this the case.

I can't let people know my weakness.

I know I can't have you but,
There's a temptation,
Within your stare.
I'm giving in,
I musn't,
I can't.
I'll just pretend the fascination isn't there.

If I could change,
What I've done,
So, it would be you and me,
I would,
I can't,
But I would.

Regret is the worst kind of misery.

I bonded with him over Skyrim,
Took it further with Star Wars,
And sealed the deal with Doctor Who.
I never thought those things could get me so far.

I never really understood what people meant by having a magnetic attraction to someone,
Until that moment our lips crashed together with such force I barely had any time to think.
When we finally drew it felt like some force was pushing us back together,
Making me want to go back and never leave,
"Those aren't meant to be apart."

I long for something I can write about,
A passion so beautiful that the words will just fall out.
I want to dance drunk in the rain with someone I barely know,
To just dive into something without worry or doubt.
I want to meet someone that will enchant me with their smile,
And take me on adventures like I have never imagined,
It may take awhile.
I may meet them a week from now by some twist of events,
I may meet them when I'm 23 fresh in the city without a clue where to go.
For all I know they could be Clark Kent,
They could be anyone!
But when we finally have found each other,
Oh the stories that will ensue.

Once I read this beautiful quote,
By an old married couple.
The woman of a marriage of 65 years,
Was questioned,
"How have you guys stayed together for so long?"
She replied with a sense of pride, "We come from a time where if something was broken we would fix it." I thought that was absolutely beautiful.
I do not understand the concept of divorce,
I believe that once you are married,
That's it.
Till death do us part.
Times have changed since that old couple fell in love.
People today do not know how to handle things if they get hard,
So they just give up.
They have forgotten how to fix things.
It is tragic how divorce has become such a common thing,
When marriage used to be so sacred.
So when the time for marriage comes for me,
I want to be absolutely sure I could live the rest of my life that person.
I will vow that no matter how broken things get,
How hard,
I will put in the effort,
I will fix them.

We used to be so uncompromised,
Our words didn't have some double meaning,
Something deeming,
That we were more than we were willing to admit.
I could look you in the eyes without that feeling,
Without my thoughts wheeling,
Away from the possibility of having to commit.
You and I were not some cliched affair,
But now we are something I thought I could not bare,
And I fear,
I fear that we have been compromised,
By those double meanings,
Those feelings,
Deeming,
That we are more than we are willing to admit.

"It is always your name on my screen instead of hers!"

I want to shout,
That it has always been me.
After all these years,
It has always been us.
Being near you makes me happiest,
I've been.
And I wouldn't mind,
If you wanted me instead of her.

Instead I reply, "Sorry."

I always fall for the ones that won't fall for me.
Hoping that one day,
Maybe they'll come around.
They never do,
And I never learn my lesson.

What was that?
That...
Thing.
I felt it,
Only for a moment.
A flash of something.
So exotic,
So fleeting.
Maybe it was just my imagination.

What's that?
You felt it too?
Strange.

Her heart didn't get out much,
She kept it locked up and rarely let it out to play.
It never complained,
Love was so passe.

At least, that is what the girl kept saying.
She couldn't help but think something was absent.
But she continued on with her life,
Boys came and went.

Then he came along,
Her heart fluttered as he neared.
So she isolated it,
Out of fear.

Over time,
The girl would grow accustomed to his smile.
The way it would brighten his face,
She found herself falling after awhile.

After being locked up for so long,
Her heart started to make noise.
She didn't know how to react,
Trying to keep herself poised.

"I kept you locked up,
For your own safety."
She whispered softly,
Hoping her heart wouldn't escape.

But the more he smiled,
The more her heart urged on.
Struggling behind carefully placed bars
It broke free, it was gone.

He held it in his hands,
Wordlessly.
She didn't know what to say,
All she could do was watch helplessly,
As he took her heart away.

You need to fall out of love,
To realize,
That you never were really in it in the first place.

Boy meets girl,
Girl meets boy.

A friendship formed,
Followed by joy.

Complications arose,
Like a puzzle wanting to be solved.

Their morals were questioned,
As their relationship evolved.

There was lust,
Fiery in all of the sense.

They thought no one could see it,
No one is that dense.

Fighting had come and gone,
Maybe it had been all a mistake.

But nothing could keep them away,
No matter what was at stake.

How am I supposed to sleep,
With your voice fresh in my mind?
I tried so hard to forget it,
This has put me in a bind.
I'm not supposed to miss you,
I'm not supposed to miss you at all.
Yet all my willpower has been taken from me,
With just a phone call.

So here it is,
It finally has come to an end.
I'm sorry we ended up,
Merely a story.
One day, far from now,
I will tell my kids of you,
And all the crazy things we did,
Chapter by chapter,
Bit, by, bit.
The story of,
My first love.

There are days where she sleeps with her eyes open,
Those are the longest of them all.
Lost memories whisper softly to her,
Every detail recalled.
They seem so far away and out of reach that they must have been dreams,
Because nothing is as it was.
And nothing is as it seems.

"You were my once upon a time."
She whispered, their frail hands clasped together their grip meant more than forever.
He watched her with tears streaming down his face,
"Don't cry, my love."
As a tear rolled down her own she found the strength to say one last thing,
"You'll be my happily ever after."
He nodded in response because that's all he could will himself to do.
Slowly she closed her eyes and he kissed her goodbye,
Sadly he untangled their hands and rose to his feet and found his words,
"I have loved you for seventy years, this isn't the end."

And they lived happily ever after, again, and again, and again.

*Do you believe in soulmates?

Detachment is felt through every word he sends,
A forced response always on the other end.
Soon the words stop coming,
Losing interest completely in even being friends.
Left to wonder why the responses seemed so plain,
She holds herself to blame.
Was it something she did,
That made her lose this word game?

In thought I raised my eyes,
Meeting his oceans from across the room,
His hesitant smile gave me hope.
I could feel my lips slowly turning upwards,
In response.

I keep hearing all these complaints,
It's sad when everything that's said has a negative edge.

I'm no saint,
I do it too sometimes.

I try to see the positive light,
In bad situations.

Both sides to the coin,
Everything has a reason.

I try to draw my mind out of that dark place,
Because I've gotten stuck there.

It did not help me,
It only kept me in a state of no motivation, lethargy, and unfeeling.

I want people to realize that although they have some legitimate reasons to feel down,
As all do.
That there are always going to be a reasons to remain positive.

Even if it is something so small that it seems ridiculous to be happy about.

Sometimes, out of the blue,
I think of you.
Our time is done,
We had our fun.
I am slowly moving on,
The spark we had is gone.
You left my thoughts,
Whether you like it or not.
But sometimes, out of the blue,
I think of you.
About the great times we had,
And I can't help but feel sad.

One day, I won't feel that way.

Love: An emotion that even the greatest can't quite figure out.

Love: Dangerous.
So easy to fall in it's trap,
So hard to climb your way out.

Love: Blinding, fanciful.
Sometimes you think it is real you feel like nothing can harm you,
But it can create the biggest scars.

Love: Confusing.
Endless circles of I love you, I love you not,
One day it is one or the other.

Love: Softening.
That steel wall you put up will be chipped away bit, by bit,
Soon you'll be guarded by a cloud instead.

Love: Nonsensical.
Sometimes you don't have an explanation for what you feel,
You just feel it.

Love: Undeniable.
When it is there it will do all it can to be known,
Even if you don't want it.

I know one thing that is certain about love,
It cannot simply be defined.

Last night I had a dream,
Nothing made sense,
Nothing was as at seemed.

I was supposed to get married,
To someone that hardly cared,
So I ran.

I ran directly into a stranger,
Someone I knew,
But hardly knew.

We looked into each other's eyes,
Suddenly,
So suddenly nothing mattered.

He kissed my lips,
As I drew infinity on his neck,
I woke up.

I woke up with that scene in mind,
His face still burning so clearly.
All I can think about is infinity.

All I can think about is finding him,
I wonder if he too had that dream,
If he too is trying to find me.

Run you clever boy,
And remember me,
Please.

There was a time where you meant so much,
Just like a fresh bouquet of flowers.
Now my memory of you falls apart at one touch,
Just like a long forgotten bouquet of flowers.

We drifted like unanchored ships,
Across the sea.
Soon you were just an undistinguishable shape on the horizon,
That I only knew through memory.
I did not know how the sea changed you,
And you did not know how it weathered me.

I told them I'm afraid of the dark,
Honestly, I'm not afraid of what could be lurking there in the shadows.
I'm just afraid of facing it alone.

"I can't do it!" She shakes her head furiously, "I'm afraid of the dark."
Wistfully he grabs her hand, "Don't worry, I'm here."
Hand in hand, they are ready to face the unknown together.

I hope you remember me for my worst days.

Those days where I tried not to show it,
You said worries were written across my face.
You asked for my thoughts even when I didn't know what to say,
You listened.
You would call me beautiful,
Even when I didn't feel that way.
I hope you remember those days.

Those were the days I knew I meant more to you than you let on.

You're absolutely and utterly the most arrogant, cynical, self-absorbed, human being I have ever had the displeasure of meeting.
I think grudgingly as I stare at Facebook.

That feeling of longing I had only a moment ago was fleeting,
Replaced by distaste.

How could I have ever had an inkling of feeling for you?
All that time I spent on you was a such waste.

I bet you don't even care,
Forgotten about me like I was never even there.

It's like you don't exist outside of our college,
I wish you could have gave me that knowledge.

Because I wouldn't have had to spend all that time caring,
I wouldn't have had to miss you.
I wouldn't have had to wonder if you were okay every single day.
You could have at least answered me when I sent you those texts.
But you didn't,
And I did miss you, I did care, and I did wonder.

Now all I feel is resentment,
But I know tomorrow I'll miss you again.

This is ridiculous.

She was walking in the middle of the night,
On the sidewalk in front of a gas station.
When a familiar face crossed her line of sight,
"Impossible!" She thought.

But there he was in plain view,
Just the same as he used to be, pumping gas.
Yet, she didn't know what to do.
As she walked away she said to herself, "He probably didn't recognize me."  

So, she set out on a mission to see if it was him,
And sent him a message.
This was all on a whim.
"Yes, that was me. I didn't see you!" He replied.

He told her he was disappointed he didn't see,
And asked how she had been.
She smiled at the computer screen,
"I'm great, maybe you'll get a chance to see me again." She typed.

A summer fling,
Brought together by a late night walk and the need to get gas.

I have written you so many letters,
That I will never send.

They tell you about the days we shared,
And the heart I had to lend.

Intricately weaving webs of passion,
Something I had to defend.

Because there were those awful moments,
Where I felt it was all pretend.

I wrote to you in earnest,
About the feelings I had.

If you read these letters,
I'd imagine you'd be mad.

You told me not to feel that way,
You told me not to fall.

I told you that it could happen,
You didn't believe me at all.

We were supposed to be platonic,
But something in me swayed.

Looking back, you were gaming,
It was how you smiled when you played.

You could never lie to me,
I could always see right through you.

In that moment you so gently kissed me,
I saw you falling too.

Now that it is over,
I write to you again.

About the love I had for you,
My handsome silly friend.

And how it fell apart,
How it began to bend.

Another letter I have wrote for you,
That I will never send.

I'm young.
I fall in love.
A lot.
And no love is ever the same.

There was my first love,
Whom I will always love,
Even when we're worlds apart.

The boy who took my heart in his hand,
And began to poke at it.
Sometimes with a feather, sometimes with a pointy stick.

He who I try to forget,
But remember for the memories we created.
The crazy moments we shared.

There's the love who wants to marry me,
Who maybe I could settle down with one day.
But not now.

My future loves who I will tell stories of,
My next great adventures,
People who will shape me.

Love in which I will have for my children one day,
When they become the light of my life.
That will surpass anything.

Love for my dreams,
My career,
My life.

Everyday I fall in love,
Not always with a person.
Sometimes it is an idea, a dream, a book, philosophy, the way the sky looks.

Everyday I find something to love,
Because I still can.
I hope I can spend my whole life falling in love.

She looks at her reflection,
Everyday.
And everyday she finds something she wants to fix.

Scared that she might go back.
To eighty pounds ago.
Scared that losing eighty pounds wasn't enough.

She exercises,
Everyday.
And everyday she feels too tired to function.

Hoping that she might look "normal,"
A term that is so vague.
Hoping that one day she will feel okay with herself.

She stares at that mirror,
Everyday.
And everyday she wonders why she's like this.

Wondering why she can't feel comfortable,
With her own body.
Wondering why she isn't proud.

Because when she looks at that mirror,
She sees flaws she can't fix.
Everyday.

Some find peace in music,
Others in quiet places,
The arms of friends,
Or the heart of a lover.

Personally,
I find peace in bad decisions,
Failed confessions,
Telling stories.
Those moments when I finally have reason enough to feel.

I’d rather be lost in the city,
Without any map
Or idea where I am going,
Than be stuck in a small town where everyone knows each other,
And every day has the same consistency.

I just want, for a short time in my life to get away.
I often times imagine myself in places like wonderland,
Where nothing makes sense and it doesn't matter to.
Where anxiety is a pointless thing and having tea is the priority.
But, then I have to remember that even wonderland had its own “rules” its own flaws and maybe one doesn't truly ever escape.

I guess that’s the beauty in life.
You have to learn to deal with what is difficult for you to handle.
Each experience is kind of like a fairy-tale in its own sense.
You have demons you need to fight, evil men and women to face, and if you don’t back down and push through you may have a chance to be happy.

I knew you were poison.
Toxic as the cigarettes you smoked, and just as addicting.
I tried quitting you over and over.
Pacifying myself with other addictions,
Like coffee.
But then I learned why coffee is called the liquid cigarette,
It has the same taste but it isn't quite as satisfying.

I walk out of my room shortly after finishing another John Green book,
There is a storm outside and the lightning flashes just as I pass the window,
It’s 2:52am and everything is illuminated before me.
I go back to my room and Facebook shows me he was online 38 minutes ago, with just one look.

I calculate the amount of time it would take to send a simple, “hello”
And decide it isn’t worth the worry.
It’s 2:52am I should be sleeping,
But how can I when thunder sounds outside my window?

All I can hear is the rain falling as I stare at the dark ceiling above me,
I think about where my life is going.
It’s 3:00am and paranoia starts to sink in,
What if I'm not where I'm supposed to be?

The rain has stopped but now all I can are drips,
As I tell myself that I'm just being silly, to calm down.
It's 4:11am and I'm in a place I shouldn't be,
This is driving me crazy and now all I can think about are his lips.

It's completely silent now,
As I open up my blog.
It's 4:58am and I'm combating loneliness with quotes,
Endlessly scrolling down, down, down.

I let my head hit the pillow with my face,
There's another storm outside my window.
It's 5:17am and I've defeated my demons for the night,
As I drift to sleep, wondering why I even stayed up in the first place.

The clock slowly ticks, ticking ticking ticking,
As time has come to a stop.
All we can hear is the ticking,
The ticking of the broken clocks.

We'll be lost in forever, over and over
Repeating our lives.
Memories are spilling over,
Hey, remember that time?

We met by accident,
Serendipity you could say.
I liked the way your eyes shined,
As you smiled that day.

But one problem led to another,
Nights blended into days.
What's the difference between midnight,
And the middle of the afternoon?

The clocks tick away the memories,
Tick Tick tick...

We dance across the realities,
Laugh at our lives.
We act so happily,
As our dreams are torn with time.

The clocks are ticking...
Every second is another year.
Everything was okay,
Everything began to disappear.

Hey do you remember?
Do you?
"Do I remember?
I can't say that I can..."

The clock slowly ticks, ticking, ticking, ticking...
And my memories of you begin to fade.
All I can remember is the ticking,
Our lives ticking away...
Tick tick tick...

Who are you?