If you want to spoil me,
Spoil me with loyalty
I've stitched my heart too many times
I won't pretend
I won't lie
I want to spend
The rest of this life
In our forever box
But I know people change
And expectation leads to dissapointment
So I will harden my armor
Just in case

We all make mistakes
And I hate to say this
Or admit that this is the most dangerous
And damaging thing I think I've ever done
I am none
I am numb
I'm in a panic
That I can't handle this
I want to dismantle this ****
Before it sinks the ship
The holes let all the death in
Demons embedded inside my head and crept in
Wondering where I've been and whose bed I've slept in
My brain bled in and suffocated my nonexistent soul
I try to take a breath in
But your air is too **** cold
Will nothing make me whole
I'm out of my own control
I've bought and sold my time for all the right lies
You see nothing left
Unless it's left to die
I can't go on
Tonight

You make me cry.
I go and **** my girlfriend.
I feel better in the moment.  
I sleep...  Sometimes.
I wonder where I'll wake up.
When I'll wake up.
The beast has eaten all the good parts.
The liar has won the battle.
The destroyer of trusting hearts is drunk... has lost all control.

Stubborn selfish me
Wanting everything and never being happy
Always relying on others to fill that void
The hurt I cause will surely haunt me
There was an intensity between us
I became addicted and nothing else mattered
If I could pray
I'd pray for your happiness
For your peace
For your joy
I wish I could have been the one to make all your dreams come true
I wish I could have been the one that you could rely on

For one night everything was
Almost
Like it was 3 months ago
I gave the kids hugs and tucked them into bed
It's  harder to heal a broken heart
When you're the one who dropped it
She's doing a good job of healing on her own
We still share a laugh and a smile
And long periods of awkward silence
We are forever connected
I was wrong
And I knew it from the beginning
Fate is an unworthy excuse
Yet
Here we are
Almost
Like it was 3 months ago
Me,  quietly grieving over another suicide
This time
It was someone I knew
Someone I connected with
during a handful of stolen moments in February
Now her little girl will never know her
Gone
Sometimes we don't get to say goodbye
I imagined her ghost walking into the room,
Asking me why I never called her back

I begged to be forgotten
Breaking promises like there was nothing better to do
And now I am

Carry over
More than just damage
Pieces of shattered dreams
Remnants of me