I.
My first in first grade
I carved your name in my desk
I hope it's still there.

II.
Made class valentines
Required for everyone
But mine was special.

III.
You begged the teacher
To sit by me on the bus
With a great big smile.

IV.
The first who wanted
To take me out for dinner
But it was a joke.

V.
Dedicated song
I can no longer hear it
Without thought of you.

VI.
You never said it
But your eyes always told me
You had wanted more.

VII.
You dated my friend
And I never told you how
Much I adored you.

VIII.
Playful like a child
But mature like an adult
So interesting.

IX.
You asked me to prom
Yellow flowers for friendship
That's all I wanted.

X.
You said you loved me
I loved you like a brother
It would never work.

XI.
You swore up and down
You had changed for the better
You didn't, first kiss.

XII.
Late walks on campus
Never saw me with makeup
We were so natural.

XIII.
Eyes found each other
"I don't forget pretty girls"
you whispered to me.

XIV.
I fell quickly, hard
But you still loved someone else
A girl with my name.

XV.
A friend of a friend
Texting non-stop everyday
Going nowhere fast.

XVI.
Liked me from the start
Bruised and broken, I do care
But not in that way.

XVII.
The piano man
It was all right but timing
One that got away.

XVIII.
We tried to fight time
Thinking that you were ready
Left us with heartache.

It's beautiful.

How the wave kisses the rocky shoreline
begging to stay before it retreats to the sea.
How the moon kisses the cheek of the sun
waiting patiently for the next eclipse.  
How the raindrop kisses the withered leaf
filling its veins with hope before it falls to the soil.

You hear about the kiss of death,
But never the kiss of life.

Our malnourished souls
beat in opposite time.

We are not in sync,
in pattern.

Deprived, we are together
but somehow
a  p  a   r   t.

In the warmth of May
I look at the magnolias
And wonder when I, too,
Will bloom into something
Beautiful.

Bruised,
Bewildered,
Battered,
Broken.

What else starts with B?

Beautiful.

Push him back! Awaken the fears!
Scream very loud, so that everyone hears.

Stomp on him, the way he did you,
Let him know how it feels, from your point of view.

Spit in his face, that disgusting thing we all call 'man'.
Say, "how does it feel 'baby', try to catch me now if you can!"

With his nose bleeding, kick him some more,
For all the pain he's caused you, make it times four.

Never again shall he beat you down.
Not if you know, he won't be around....
                        ;)

Am I obsessed? What's wrong with me?
Why am I so jealous of you?
Why do I care so much about your opinion?
I want to be your friend....badly, but I don't know why.
You hate almost everyone, including me, but I wish we were friends.
Your hair is long and straight, wherever it falls, it looks perfect.
Your eyes are big, brown, and beautiful; eyelashes long and dark.
Your voice is so nice and your laugh is the adorable type that every girl wishes they had.
You speak your mind and don't care what people say.
You have the perfect body and the nicest clothes.
Your face is so pretty, with no acne in sight. You aren't even vain...
While you look gorgeous over there, I'm over here with all of my insecurities laid out in front of me for everyone to see.
So I have to ask: Is this an obsession?
What's wrong with me?
I don't know these answers, but I do know one thing.
....Envy Will Ruin Me....

It takes me back
as I sift thru years

of collected basement junk
a rainbow milk hurricane
thru time
I jump into the vortex
emitted from my dust-bound
N64

an old tv I used for video games
sits in a corner by
boxes of board games
& VHS tapes my dad bought me

memories like shoelaces
now untied, I trip on them
an evanescent trip.
The things in the vortex are
warped by time
blended from real things
into memory cards

memories like bodies
decaying
in the basement

memories like apparitions
diaphanous & ethereal
but always somewhere in that dark

it's a trip that I'm used to
it takes me
*back

"You're afraid of growing up."

Perhaps
but I see no shame in that
why would I ever want to grow up
if it means being
miserable
lonely
and drunk
like you,
Dad.
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