I saw your truck today,
in the Safeway parking lot
where I was dropping off another boy
with hair like yours
who reminds me a lot of you.
I wished I was coming home to you,
I wanted to feel your arms around me
your lips to comfort mine.
I wish I hadn't hurt you,
I wish you hadn't hurt me,
I went to our creek today,
and sat in the same spot that we had
and smoked a cigarette there,
with a boy with hair like yours
who reminds me a lot of you.
And I couldn't shake the feeling
of longing for your touch.
I would be more than happy,
to wake to your face again
each and every morning
like I did
for two years
but I've really ****** things up this time
haven't I?

I have not been pure
since freshman year
when I had awkward *** with my boyfriend
which ended in tears
and both of us feeling weird.
One Sunday in November
I gave head to a boy who said he liked me,
but he just used me, and told everyone about it,
And thats when they first started calling me '****'
They burned that name into my head
until I didn't believe I was anything else
so then it began,
Different boys different nights,
sometimes different boys, same night
only 15 years old.
****,
they yelled out of their cars when I walked home from school,
****,
they whispered while I was still in ear shot
****,
I told myself when I looked in the mirror
Daddy problems,
I want to be loved.
My purity never meant anything to me,
My reputation was shot before I could say anything
And don't get me wrong,
I'm not blaming anyone but myself.
I learned to stop expecting anything from the boy I'd fallen asleep with in the morning
I learned that I was a tool to be used and thrown away when it was over
I learned that the likely hood of someone liking me for more than whats under my clothes were slim.
I learned that I will never be girlfriend material
I learned that my worth is determined by the boys I sleep with
I learned that I am a ****,
and that is all I will ever be

I drank my last of you,
in my coffee this morning.
I put every memory into the cup,
and stirred it with sugar
before I swallowed it down.
It was very bittersweet,
but I need to let you go.
I can see how happy you've been,
happier than I ever made you
and I am happy for you,
even though it hurts.
So I put all of you,
into my cup,
kisses, words, memories
and drank them down
because it is time to let you go,
and move on,
I will always love you,
but it will be a different kind of love.
*Goodbye, Kolt

There is tar in my lungs,
and ***** in my blood,
and if I had some money,
I'd probably be pretty high too.
And I stopped eating,
because I liked the way the hunger felt
and I stopped sleeping,
because I only have nightmares anyways.
It hurts a lot to think about you,
so I replay every single song
that reminds me of you.
And if I had any guts,
mine would be splattered across the floor.
And if I had any brains,
mine would be be smeared on a wall.
But I'm a dumb coward,
so I'll just write a ****** poem about it instead

**** rips,
smokey stars,
Three bottles of jack,
one big tent full of sad hearts,
turned warm and glad
through 40% alcohol
and some good hash.
I wished I could stay
as happy as I was
with all those smiling faces
around me,
in the middle of nowhere
with all our separate struggles,
pushed away
by good music,
good ****
and good company.

a brown-eyed susan deflowered in the unmade bed of a bleary eyed boy
she ***** her fists into ocean blue sheets,
she feels as if her roots are about to give
with clumsy hands, he caresses her spine

he calls her beautiful

she is awoken by a gentle beam of sunlight that sneaks through his curtains
and kisses her eyelids
her delicate petals litter the floor

she tip-toes around them

and sees herself out.

It was night time when we met them,
The Punks awaiting Pizza,
Outside of Domino's on the main street of town.
Myself, and two friends were walking home
On the lamp lit streets.

One called out
"Want a game of skate?"
And Josh, who carried a skate board, agreed.
Indie and I sat down beside their leader as we watched their game.

"How are you guys tonight?" He asked us,
"Good thanks" we replied,
And heard a little moan
The lead punk moved,
And from inside his denim jacket a puppy poked out his head.

We crooned;
"Oh he's gorgeous, what's his name?"
"Chaos."
The punk replied.
Of course.
We petted chaos on the head.

A girl punk came out from round the corner,
"It's still not out." She told him.
"What are you waiting for?" We asked.
"We ordered pizza," He said
"We're just waiting for them to stop waiting for someone to pay.
When they throw it out, we get free pizza."
We laughed, we'd never heard such a plan before.

The girl held three avocados in her hands
I asked if she'd got them from New World,
I'd been excited that they were on special this week
"No," She replied,
"I got them for free. Out of a dumpster."
"Oh."

"So, are you guys like real punks then?"
"Yeah guess you could say that." The leader said.
"We don't respect society, and they don't respect us."
"We've been crashing in abandoned houses.
Some landlord found us the other day,
But he didn't really care,
Cause we hadn't broken any windows."

Josh won the game of skate.
And we got up to leave,
"Nice to meet you guys." We said,
"Good to meet you too." They replied
"Keep safe."