Remember to breathe.
It’s simple – it is.
It should not be so hard but my lungs would have me suffocate
If my willpower were not so sturdy,
Intractable,
Or merely selfish.
I can’t quite decide how I feel as of yet,
But everything’s changing and my willpower's spent.
I hate being wrong, and despise saying please.
I think begging is weak, but I’m here on my knees.
“I am stubborn, conceited, I don’t need to have friends.”
I tell myself daily that these are my assets.
See, if I’m a freak, well at least I’m the best,
And no advantage can come from a pain in my chest.
Yet it might just be worth it, though it doesn't make sense,
If instead day to day I can look at your face.
I've never admitted defeat before,
I won’t say it aloud, but this is new and I’m lost,
I’m vulnerable, scared – I’m doubtful, unsure.
Emotions are foreign, not of my attributes –
I don’t want them to be. I don’t want to fall into
The same traps that those who are ordinary do,
But I suppose that there are exceptions to rules.
This in no way should work - it’s dysfunctional, wrong.
I’m unstable as ever, but almost feel I belong.
We are both faulted in our own different ways
And we feed off each other, more madness and chaos, more driving of rage.
Yet dichotomy dictates that there's something in this,
something so perfect which can contradict
all of the pettiness, all the insane,
for I've never felt more alive in my pain.
It’s as if you’re the puzzle piece I didn't know I was missing,
The part that completes me and fills me right up,
With a feeling I knew not could ever end up
Affecting or noticing someone like me,
At the midst of it all I just hope that you’d be
In the same situation if I told you my thoughts:
As confused as I am – but could still take the lead – in short:
Stay here, don’t go, I don’t want you to leave.
Now I stand, close my eyes, remember to breathe.