This canvas
was better bare

paint already covers it
so who really cares

only get worried
when it starts to tear

you are still far too
close for comfort
even though you are states away
8 hours
and 500 miles
between us
is not enough space
i can still feel
the magnetizing force
that brought us together in the first place
I have taken out every piercing
made sure every hole has closed up
my jewelry has not since been worn
and yet the pull
of you
gets more intense
with every step I take farther away

I'd pull my covers over my head one last time,
just to smell the faint blood you shed and rolled in,
from nightly cuts and dry eyes
devoid of tears.

I stared at the lines around your lips so long,
they faded into the sheets and I couldn't tell you
from the bed.

Do you ever think you didn't exist?
Probably Not, I repeat almost daily.
Send me more letters and dot your i's next time,
you were always clumsy with your hands,
with tattooed wrists and scarred forearms.

I'm still lying where you left me.
I got stuck, I'll admit.
Just know that I'll be gone tomorrow.
No, this time for good.

I remember
When I wanted the world in the palm of my hands.
When I crave for adventure
When I was hungry for experiences.
I remember
When I stood up for what I loved
When I push my body to the extreme
When I said no to the sad life.
But now I feel
Emptiness,
Useless,
colorless,
Now I want death on the palm of my hands
I don't no longer know who I am..

I’ve never been good at choosing favorites.
I couldn’t tell you my favorite book (I love them all)
I couldn’t tell you my favorite color (so many have caught my eye)
My favorite film eludes me (I’ve watched many)
And my favorite song is simply a melody of them all (playing on constant repeat in my head)

My favorites are lost somewhere among the endless list of the things that I love (you, you, you)
They’re resting on the tip of my tongue (struggling to make themselves known)
I suppress them.
I cannot choose favorites.
I cannot commit.

I can tell you what I love (I love you)
I can tell you what I adore (I adore you)
I can tell you what I need (I need you)
But, my dear, I am sorry, because I never could choose favorites,
And I cannot choose you.