With every tear I shed
I become wiser.
With each gasp of pain
I understand the world better.
Every heartbreak reminds me
what it is to be alive.
When it seems like everything
is working against me,
that's when I know
I'm going the right way.
The alarm goes off
and I lazily roll over and hit the snooze,
not wanting to let the darkness go.
Snooze again. And again.
Now I'm running late;
I rush through breakfast
and brushing my teeth.
Button my top wrong,
button it again.
I hate the day more with each minute that passes...
resenting it just for existing.
Finishing my careless makeup,
I meet my own eyes in the mirror.
For a moment, I pretend they're yours.
I look into them lovingly and
search for a smile.
I eventually snap out of it.
I meet my eyes again and promise,
"I am not going to cry today".
I always do, and
I'm always wrong.
I'm so beautiful when reflected in your eyes.
You know it's all in your head.
There's nothing for you to worry about.
It's not his fault.
He wouldn't do it on purpose.
What are you scared of?
You trust him;
It's all in your head.
Don't let these thoughts start.
He wouldn't... he couldn't.
It's all IN YOUR HEAD!
Should I tell him? NO!
What are you thinking?
You're just lonely. You're scared.
He loves you.
You know he does.
He said 'forever'...
I don't think forever is over yet.
Did you hear the catch in my throat when I said goodbye?
That's what I wanted to ask you, but you had gone to bed.
Not wanting to forget my question, I wrote it on a post-it note.
Must have fallen down in the night, because I found it
weeks later, when I dropped my pen behind the desk.
And there was this note asking if I heard the catch
in someone's throat when we said goodbye.
It took me a while to remember what it really was...
So there I was alone in my cavernously empty room
suddenly struck with the vivid image of that goodbye.
There are no words for it. I just tried; and scribbled it all out.
Loneliness, by nature, is difficult to share.
I thought words might help.
It's 2:04 and I woke up thinking about you
and how it would feel to wake up in your arms.
Don't know why this happens again and again...
My body just won't sleep through a thought of you.
The last thing I need, though, is to wake up at 2:04
and be reminded that you are so far away.
The emptiness of my arms cruelly points that out.
Then the emptiness laughs, the loneliness giggles,
and my misery is delighted by its new source.
I sit here screaming tears
for missing you...
for want of you.
There is nothing for me here,
And the saddest part is that
I'm used to it.
Used to the feeling of my soul
by the unrelenting intensity
of your absence.
I'm used to it.