God I knew I should've left.
I shouldn't have even held your gaze.
You have stupid and ugly beautiful blue eyes.
I shouldn't have
I just shouldn't.
Shouldn't have gone to the bar,
Shouldn't have wiped that one tear from your face.
Shouldn't have accepted your comfort.
I shouldn't have fallen for you.
EVERYTHING was done right.
I kept it simple and friendly,
no dancing in the rain.
No laughing in the night.
It took one night on vulnerability to break down my walls.
I'm trying so hard to rebuild them,
I don't want to be close to you.
I don't want to be close to you or anyone else.
Every time I build my walls,
I put in the effort for it.
Each brick I cement into place...
Do you think it's easy for me to push you away?
It's not.
None of this is easy for me and yet here you are,
flicking bricks away from my walls as if they were paper.

What is depression?

Well...

It's not always so obvious.
Depression hides

It's staying up until 4 a.m
without a reason.

Depression is crying until your pillow is soaked
without really knowing why.

When your heart is hurting so bad,
you can FEEL the pain in your chest.

It's not always a knife
dragged on once pure skin.
Depression isn't the cut,
it's the darkness that hides within.

It's knowing that one day you'l be happy,
but not knowing if you'll get there in time
to save yourself
to save your mind.

Depression is hoping you'll be okay,
but not believing happiness is in your future.

It's wanting to cry out for help
but not knowing what you need help with.

It hides in anxiety,
and shows itself in smiles.
It'll lie to your face
and you'll believe it.

We all do.