Its been a while old friend
Our conversations few and far between
Ive been taking each day slowly
Learning all I can of me
I cannot tell you how I missed you
Youve always been the great escape
But life keeps tossing me lemons
It just keeps filling my plate
I cant seem to free a hand
No time to hold a pen
I realize your empty without me
I just forgot to fill you in
I must admit im learning
I can gather thoughts on my own
I still could never thank you enough
For all the guidance you have shown
When we embrace I have direction
Everything seems to fall in line
I can reach the furthest places
Darkest corners of my mind
Somethings in life belong together
Its a lesson that im learning
And all this time apart
Has left my writers hand yearning
As it caresses your face now
I know im probably moving way to fast
But the past few months have taught me
True joy is ever fleeting
It just doesnt seem to last
So I find myself rushing to embrace you
Writing earnestly
Taking your blank pages
And filling them of me

I wish I never met you
I wish we never spoke
I with that I knew better
Than to provoke
Cause now I can't forget you
And I can only hope
My heart won't surrender
And it'll learn to cope

The damage is done
My hearts the run


And I'm falling
Now I'm drowning
Can't get my head above water

I'm trying to run
I'm trying to hide
My feet they falter
My hearts in overdrive

So please let me know
Let me go
Cause you don't love me
Oh please walk away
Don't say you'll stay
Just cause I'm lonely

Cause I'll let you
My knees are weak
Can't even eat
I'm sick of the of being without you
But here's the thing
I can bring
Myself to not doubt you
And the love you claim to have for me

what am I to do when I can't hide from you or the words that you once told me
Sitting wondering always pondering about the love you once showed me

I know we'll fires burn fast
Ours wasn't eternal
Never meant to last

To say that our love is a rollercoaster would be an understatement
The heavenly high of our highs
The steep hell of our lows
Its a wonder that we made it through the ride
That were still the same people meeting at the other side
Your hand so steady on mine
Through each ****** of our trials
We rose above the errors of most lovers
Gliding gracefully into bliss
Only to become so complacent
We would risk everything we built
Time after time making the same mistakes
Learning and falling for the lure of love all over again
But I think that's why we lasted so long
We walked blindy, lead by love
Relentlessly pushing for our paradise
We could not be stopped
And here we are, hair wild from the winds
Both of us out of breath
Looking up at the mountains we rode together
Stars marking our waxes and wanes
Our journey written in the skies
And as we rest our weary heads
At the end of this incredible rollercoaster of a life
I can sleep, because we lived and loved
Together

Like Aphrodite
Her beauty blinds me
And I shutter at her insecurities
It's an unjust world
If a girl like her
Can look in the mirror and not see
All the beauty on the earth
blushing through her cheeks
She misses the moments
Relentless currents
That stop me in my tracks
Fingers through hair
I can't help but stare
And thank the Lord for where I'm at
Toe to toe chest to chest
With nature at its best
How can she not see
The divinity
That hides behind her smile?

Take me
Bury me
With the dreams I used to believe in
You could call me naive
Cause I couldn't see
An end to this fantasy
I thought this would last
But it's gone in a flash
And I'm left with a broken melody
I wouldn't know where to start
With this broken heart
A new beginning scares me
Cause I know deep down
You won't be around
And I'll be lost in misery
What could I have done
To keep you from
Wanting to live without me?
Why is it so hard?
Sitting on this boulevard
To find a place called home?
It's not warm any more
No welcoming doors
Not a place to lay my head
You used to watch me sleep
Lost in my sheets
And I've found you in hers instead

I love you in a place where there is no space or time
And with such conviction not a single soul denies
I love without rhyme or reason, and against all odds
I fall to none but you and find comfort in no other arms
I shadow behind you because you illuminate the day and night
Two souls intertwined on a diverged road and I chose your side
A crescendo of angels bear down on me and I am better for it
A thief you've stolen my breath, love, life, and I am not bitter for it
I love with a love that is no longer mine because it was given to you
I live with a love that shelters my life, I live happily for you

My love for you is unrequited,
I wish that I could hide it
The way my eyes dance like diamonds
At just the sound of your name

Day by day i'm learning
A part of love is yearning
Internally burning
Just in hopes that it wont be in vain

I know that its a choice not chance
And tangled tango of a dance
Love is our first glance
At a life worth living

He's never heard of mood music
Lucky for him
I'm always in the mood
For making love's music

I know your a million miles away
On the other side of our bed
But If you'd just roll over
It could be five hundred thousand instead
And who knows maybe then
It'll be just close enough
For you to love me again
See im still to sick to admit
That theres an end to this
Forgive me i might be prejudice
Or bias could be a better word
But admitting defeat is obscenely absurd
I cant learn to yearn for you in the way that youd like
Like a friend in the day, and not even a thought in the night
I dont believe them when they say i cant make you love me

I know it's wrong
To ask you to hold me because I know that you can't stay
But I'd like to enjoy the wholeness of my heart
Before you leave and break it on the way

I dont even know what I write about anymore
And time passes while I dead bolt the door
Not sure I can handle any more emotion
But the commotion of the ocean
Of life outside doesn't make it easy
And pain always seems to remember me

A chronic case of worthlessness
I'm just a waste of breath
I wish upon the stars at night
For the peace that comes with death
I want to be comforted with silence
Because the words just hurt so badly
An enclosed coffin to hide away in
Greeting the reaper gladly.
They say life won't be easy but it'd be worth it
As if that's an excuse for all the hurting
I wonder if they listened to their own words as they spoke them
I guess we write to figure things out
Hence why empty pages terrify me so
Even worse when there are no lines left to write
Nowhere else to go, so much more to show, because there's so much they need to know

A secondhand rose

Lying on the cars cold floor

It was hers, then yours, then mine

And now, its nevermore

I'm hanging by a thread
My heart beat is a mess
And I can't get my legs to stop shaking

Impatient with the world and its jury
I Can't help but worry
Over all the time that this is taking
This new life in the making

I watch on a cold December eve
Brick by brick, with courage taking the lead
This new life take shape in front of me

I worry that it will be monotonous
Somehow won't amount to much
This new home that I made for us
I worry it won't be good enough

So I wait for the first night
I'm this new life
To turn on the first light
In my new life
And pick the door I'm going to open first
I guess life can't be rehearsed
And I'll have to wait and see
What this life with you has in store for me

I'll let you take my hand and take the lead
Give you all the faith you need
Give you every part of me
If you say you'll stay with me

The windows c r a c k e d
And fresh air flits through the open crevices of my heart
Can you feel it as it settles down next to you?

With a scattered concept of reality
I stretch for strong truths on a thin life line
I found the difference between love and *lust to be a life time
Truth is pennance
A contaceptive for faulty fellowships
A filter for decieitful thoughts that arent of relavance

Your Random Prose of Poetry
Well, it took hold of me
I felt it as it settled on my surface
Snug as my favorite pair of jeans
Skin cells merging with synonyms
It became a little part of me
The dots of my i's
Faint with your personification
Morals of my own protagonist
Made by your imagination
Your words Foreshadowing a future for my hearts hesitations

The haiku in you
Makes a believer out of me
And im guided by the light
That illuminates the ink
You swirled and swayed
On trees
That danced in winds so very long ago
I can sense a story of salted sorrows
That could only be told in such a wistful way
By one who has a sonnet in soul
Pen in hand
Adjective in mind

I take long walks on lonely roads at night
And the shadows run from me
Insecurities they cloud my sight
So im chasing dreams that i cant see
And the boogeyman he cuts a corner
Hiding in the light from me
All that is well and good
Knows better than to befriend me
A wicked mess of wicked stress
Freddy on friday the thirteenth
Has nothing on my own insecurities

Like broke back mountain
I broke my back maintaining
This high in the sky image you had of me
Confidence belittled with fears of never measuring up
To your cloud soaring standards
I'm almost glad I fell
A thousand miles back down to earth
Breaking through ozone layers of *******
Finally hitting the ground reality meeting me head on
With the force of an eighteen wheeler
I'd rather look up at a lie and see it as clear as day
Than look down on the truth, thinking the journey to it is to far too travel

Open your eyes, just don´t believe everything you see
Hold your head high with pride, but know that you'll never know everything
Listen to others, don´t believe everything they say
Its okay to worry about tomorrow, as long as you live today
Speak your mind, but be careful how you choose your words
Always forgive, but never forget the way it hurt
Don't burn bridges, unless you shouldn't have been there in the first place
Dont let go of hands youll want to hold on the dark days

My darling please don't whisper
I don't want to miss a line
But this vet is hard at hearing
Been blown up to many times
Please watch what you put on for us
My flashbacks aren't a good thing
One sound just one round
The memorial of emotions they can bring
I fired for you

See I didn't leave it all with the service
I still carry weight in my shoulders
Yes I made it back, but not the same
Somethings they knew but hadnt told us
I was forced to draw scars
On the skin of men with bravery not unlike my own
taught to fight, ammo with ammo
To stand for their people, fight for their homes
I fired for you

So forgive me if I shiver when you hold me
I'm told comfort always comes before the storm
I've lost so many friends to complacency
When death came knocking at the door
Many times disguised in the body of a young man
He only just learned to tie his shoes
And now he's killing in this waste land
A bullet aimed with intentions, I fired for you

A good soldier doesn't ask questions
Without a pause He follows orders
He does not sleep on beds of pillows
He rests his head on enemy mortars
You remember a man with hazel eyes
This soldiers pupils stained in crimson
I could tell you tales of freedom given
At the price of lives lost if you would listen
I fired for you
So no I'm not the same
As when I left so many months ago
I run from times of commitment
Find familiarity on beds of broken bones
I run from the unfamiliar feeling of my own home
How could this be where I am
Your kiss so close to mine
There was a day, id contemplate
How I could ever reach it in a lifetime
I fired to get back to you

I forgot how to be a lover
while I was out there fighting
A light lit for love long ago
Blew out with battle, its not shining
But I'm trying
To taste the fruits of my sacrifice
To enjoy
Cause I still have a life
I fired so I could come back to you

But the cries of my fallen brothers
Haunt even my day dreams
I find no comfort
In the illumination day brings
Its you that saves me
That gives me an inch of hope
To stow my heart on
In a river of regrets that runs a mile long
I fired for you

You sleep and deep silence creeps over me
But i can feel shivers and shimmies from your dreams
Electrified fibers of my being flinging on fractions of moonlight off your lips
I wonder if you can feel how much I want you
Temptations matched with trepidation your touch has a reputation for creating some powerful feelings
And im just to weak to work with the urges that make me wish you didnt have to work in the morning
Baby Its to much to muster the strength to restrain myself, feathered fingers light to the touch wont hurt much
But im a little desperate
Your bed head is turning me on and if i give in it wont take long
I can already see it
Chest to chest my index fingers  on your neck
Tracing lines laced with lust from your eyes to your ears lips to locks as your eyes flutter in the midst
Counting eyelashes caressing jawlines im intrigued and allured by your lips

So far away
I don't bother reaching anymore
I'm bitter at the taste of your lips
The long absences they take from my own
I've learned to sleep in my own arms,
A pillow pressed against my back. I can almost forget your sleeping here
But I don't
I wonder why you tease me with your presence
Obviously mine does not intrigue or please you
Couldn't you just leave me to my lonesome
I know it makes you feel good that I need you, but it's starting to make me sick
and to be honest I've come to hate the way you look at me
Hate thinking about the way you dont
the living look that used to reside in your eyes for me
It just doesn't anymore
Love and longing long gone,
Hate and disgust replaced them at the door

I can almost see the flashbacks, flash bangs in your eyes
I wonder what horrible thing it was, that set your beautiful "blue" eyes ablaze
Yes, I know they're hazel
But I do love to see your nose wrinkle in frustration when I tease you
I see the squints of pain, that rock your body, when your trying to chase away the demons in your mind
What was powerful enough to shake your foundation soldier?
I don't mean to pry, it must be hard to dredge up memories you've tried to bury with lead
I just want to be there when peace decides to make its presence known in your home again
I salute the southern hospitality that didn't seem to fade away with weeks of war
And wonder what it must be like to be a person, battling with insecurities and nightmares in silence, so everyone else can sleep in peace
Your warriors Aura captured my attention at first glance, and I've been trying to figure you out since
There's something to be said about a soldier with standards,
About a man with a desire to conquer
And to many morals to take advantage
I've never met anyone like you before
Never had to say goodbye to anyone like you before
I thank you for your service, I thank you for your smile, I thank you for invading my heart, taking my judgment prisoner for a while
I thank you for giving me the peace of mind, of knowing there's a soldier out there somewhere, that carries my passion on his lips
And I want to thank you by letting you know, that when night falls, a  girl is laying on her pillow miles and miles away
In a t-shirt that touches her heart
and she is thinking about your "blue" eyes ablaze, and is hoping that the thought of her might keep them burning for just a little while longer

My judging eyes on tommorow I lose sight of today

I cant help but wonder if you're heart remembers my name

Im sorry for the words that never saw first breathe

For every emotion I let die in me insteadd

Drop a beat and ill follow

With every rhythm in my chest

I"ll put words to music, emotions to movement words never spoken transformed into a farmiliar caress

I never want you to forget this
I want to leave an imprint of your mind
Resistant to time
You can forget you have a heart but please remember that have mine

When the world is so wrong, that achieving right seems impossible
and things are so bad, you cant remember what it feels like to be safe
When your so down, you wonder if any one could ever even find you
When the sky you look up to turns out to be a hypocrite,
and the grains of sand beneath you toes, spell out constant reminders of your past.

When your heart hurts in your own home
And words lose meaning more in every line
In a time where comfort seems to be at a loss
cause patience left in a huff, and desire cant seem
to find where happiness and hope have gone

When tunnels lead to brick walls
And the air is where Shallow lies
When misery takes passion company
When your intuition is
Sick with worry for your poor courage
And truth hides in your eyes
From deception and denial
Hunting for it in your mind

Seek stability in your soul
and you will find me
Faith in hand
and inspiration in tow
Ready to shine a light on a
Love that is timeless
Rainy days, Stormy nights, paths of uncertainty, answers to the questions of life
All have the potential to be illuminated

Where hearts lie side by side
Love is always born
Jealousy comes ignorantly
and can be easily overcome
Hate comes from pride being
neglected by another hearts flattery
Nurture each other!
Give to a soul
Fruits of good intentions
And good will will come in turn
Love one another!
A heart is a heart,
And we all bleed
there is no distinction between
the taste of our tears
and your loss of love is no different than mine
One of us no different than the other.

Sunrise
bitter comfort
that births from
constant isolation,
Creeping away
Hiding from illumination,
Cold that grows confidence
in isolation,
slowly seeping out of pores,
A sick suffocating warmth
enveloping, reminding
every minute, every cell
that the fire
love brings
will never travel here
sunlight a substitute
for the passion
that burns everywhere but here
so you burn in this lie
waiting for the
truth
of a night
spent in an empty bed
and a dinner enough
for two made for one
to consume in shame
because this
sorry excuse for a life is
not pessimistic, only fair
and Sunlight in an optimists eyes
can lead to madness
ever associated
with misunderstandings
of love and life.

If day should break
And creep across your your face
Before I wake from my slumber
I pray that whatever god there is
Would be good enough
To at least light my dreams
enough to see
the sunrise that has always been you

a flower shall be named of love
And shall teach the journey to it
To be born in a dense dark grave
And though unable to witness the colors of passion
Embrace every tingling nerve infected of it
To see naught
And hear echos of a world
With a brighter future than your own
To fight with every new piece of your being
And welcome them with new confidence
Push so hard it hurts,
For nothing could hurt more
Than there being
Nothing else but this
Feel like your fight has lasted forever
And you'll fight no longer
Catch a break
And catch a breathe, one breath
Before you catch a glimpse
Yes a glimpse
shades of affection
Reflect off of
Seas colored with trepidation
And the trees shining in humility
One with a wind
I didn't meet but today
And Sun with a touch Of warmth isolation in my own soul never gave me
I grew by my own strengths
But I thrived in good company
Thy presence equates
To a better tomorrow

And the flower should teach love to unfurl
and ignite the senses I'm such an intoxicating way
That so even if love may age,
And even die
It would always be worth it

I remember

Being hungry
The people in the park that fed us for free
Our only place, our favorite place, next to you and our creek
Their dollars donated to our grumbling tummies
Yours to your next drink

I remember

Growing up wondering why love looked so painful
Why Momma cried when she kissed you
beds made under bridges
And not minding, cause we missed you

I remember

Your three best friends Jack John and jose
Momma fighting for us to see you
How she always found a way
Wondering why she was always blotched with bruises when you went away

I remember

A train ride to what turned out to be tomorrow
Learning to live a life that wasn't filled with sorrow
Looking into the eyes of a woman who hasn't seen her own dignity in so long
Realizing how much you really cost her
Hating myself for never catching on

I remember

Being 15 with daddy issues
In a lonely world a lonely girl
How could I still miss you?
Explaining to my brothers what I really takes to be a man
And stumbling cause I'd never really seen one
finally telling them if you love and always love, you'll always be one

I remember hearing your voice for the first time in years
Flash back ten years
"I'm gonna die someday" in my ears
I remember wondering what you were trying to accomplish
Daddy's little girl gets bed time stories rot with anguish

And i'm back to reality in time for " im sorry "
And my ten year old self "now you want me?"
So weighed down with questions I never got to ask, not knowing if there worth it
You never gave a ****, and here I am worried that your hurting

I guess naive is naive
And you either want to love or you dont

In case you hadn't noticed
The thought of you has infected me
And to elaborate you made your way  into the deepest parts of me
You spliced the skin I let you in,
a virus taking over me
And like tears made of real life tragedies,
you broke fourth in full force
immersed yourself in my anatomy
Walls I built to keep you out crumble in my own shame
Cause when your in you will see all the dreams that sprung from your name
Making me fight within my self for self revalations but its of no use
Cause I dont know who I am, haven't known where I stand since I met you

I am not well

these hallucinations are so real
I can almost feel your love for me
But it's the wrong time, and it's to soon, and life couldn't really let this love be
But it's so strong, and I'm too weak
And my heart seems to really want to do this.
So I sit back and back track and pray that I dont lose it
See I'm seeing things in different ways, and I'm not sure that I trust myself to know
If these are my eyes, if this this is my life, where I am where I should go
And
You shine in a shade of light I've never really seen before
Im waking up to hopeful ways, nights filled with things I couldnt dream before
And it's shown me things about love and life I would never have believed before

it can get pretty tiring

To sit in dismay day by day thinking of every way to say I want you and I love you
and have that turn to second thoughts harbored in fear of never being worthy of you

See you've tainted every aspect of my life.
You've invaded my mind,
not to mention my heart.
You ripped feelings of fulfillment from my eager hands
You showed me the path to happiness
And then kicked up the dirt so i had no chance of taking it
You took the chance, to take my faith
And then gave me falsehood instead
You played your part
And you pulled my strings
You were my master puppeteer
You shook my faith, rattled the cage
I guess in hopes some courage might fall out
We both know that you could have used it
You took my strength
and you abused me with it, you used me with it
cause you couldnt find your own
You told me not to worry, not to shed my tears
It's clear now you didn't mean for long
You let me hold you, let me love you
Let me give you my emotions
Then you rocked the boat
let me float
On a bed of lies
You ignored my cries
Belittled my fears
And then used them to break me
You molded me when you told me
I wasn't worth the effort
So I held you up
While you put me down
Equating your happiness to mine
I let you take it from me
And fake it for me
Too afraid to face the truth
Because you wanted me
To build you up
And make you better
Make you seem to be
A better man than you could ever be

Was I really that Naive?

Do my tired eyes tell the tale of a love lost?
I don't mean to say its gone away, I just can't seem to find it
I've looked for days I've tried it all
Found the highest mountain and I climbed it
Still it evades me, this love, this life, that used to guide me
I'm confused on what to do, I could always see it shining
But I gaze in your eyes questioningly,
and see a dull shade of gray
I'm afraid if I go down that road,
i'll never find my way.
So I trace trails down your spine
In hopes i'll find a familiar road
But on my way I only find
A river of contempt that wasn't there before
I search in the heart
That once harbored my home
The smell of a stale fire
I stand with unspoken words, alone
This doesn't feel like home anymore
The fingers that once intertwined with mine
Now hold a barrier between our souls
Riddled with wrinkles of guilt
Sweating drop of secrets left untold
And your pulse, my pulse
I just can't be sure which one it is
Once thriving with passion
Cold, waning, and dim.
That face that once fed me endless comfort
Now it only brings me pain
Of memories of a love once had
That may never be the same again

All the
Wrong ears, hear the right words
Some hear none at all

The words we know must kiss the air
The dreams we've saved but have to share
With those we love, but may not trust
Why cant we just admit these things
Words worth any retaliation they may bring

I need not that you share my feelings
Only that you might understand them
and there place
So I can rest secrets shed,
please,
you hold them just in case
In case,
Matter will mean more than Mind
In the case ,
that all love isn't unrequited
In the chance find
emotions i finally left behind me

We dance
In rhythmic circles that mimic emotion
A step to the left to avoid confrontation
We bottle bothers of judgment and betrayal
We swing full circle and we share shame with one another
For we have judged and betrayed as well
We stomp harmoniously with bitter blows of anger
And shimmy and shake with frustration
For not everyone follows the lead
And the steps to your story are very different than your partners
But we dip in synchronized grace
For we know the choreography to love
Two hearts one motion, we know to follow this feeling
And unafraid we leap with joy
And have faith in the fact that our other half
Knows how this symphony ends
And will be there to catch and raise us
And that the audience of life, will not watch as we fall
for love

Moved by the sonnets of musketeers
I was,
kept in motion with the force of a rose
And adifferent name that smelled as sweet
Set to rest by Ravens
Calmed by stories of his beautiful Anna-bell-lee
She
Comforted me with tales of Caged Birds
and the songs filled with dreams they yearningly  sing
I was taught to love patiently
And that although love hurts it does not envy
I was freed by teachers with words of wisdom
Taught to not look at words but the lessons within them
I heard the tell tale heart and was immediately cautioned
Meeting my own guilty concience
Felt just a bit nautious
I walked a road less traveled
And met phenomonal women like Mrs. angelou
Im ever dream within a dream i walked
I found a dream deferred then born anew
And at the end of my bountiful journey
Somewhere where the diverged road bends
I hope to be touched again by an angel
Layed to rest in a place where the sidewalk ends