demons slithered into my view as night fell
whipped my curtains across
so I could not see through this relentless storm
my breath became a shallow wind
as they cast shadows upon what was once my sanctuary
all wings, no fairy

they grabbed me by the throat with spindly fingers
and ***** steak knife nails
turning my screams into a gasping whisper
they pressed until I begged them to take me
put me to sleep
make this end

I am awake
my mind feels like
a rising sun
It's almost ten
but this isn't fun

pour a coffee
stirred with ice; black
my demons linger
but don't attack

I smoke my first cigarette
I know I ain't seen nothing yet

crawl into my mother's bed
I shiver and wonder

where the hell is my head?

I fear I’ll dwindle away into the silent cavities we call the past

into the shades of gray, the opaqueness; through the looking glass

glazed with a thick impenetrable fog, under skies once so vast

yes, life was once like I was awake- living in a lucid dream

but dreams, they never last,

so why lust for the past?

eaten away, decaying as time passes and I only grow weaker

once so thick-skinned I seem to be becoming porous, like deteriorating marrow

I walk alone now, a fragile soul encased in a matching vessel

feet growing too heavy as the roads narrow

as the darkness paints the sky,

a star glows and guides me home like a sparrow

it still aches,
it's like trying to
firmly shut the door
as a vast blizzard tries
to linger to my heart
and freeze it

and “never again” is beginning to sink in
i’ve always been so persistent, stubborn
i just cannot imagine you being temporary

your words that night pierced
-i didn’t want to remember you that way
desperate for closure
i left a big space for you, pages upon pages

and now i’m clicking my pen, starving for words
i rip out our final page, and flip back 3 pages

we were just the boy and ******* a balcony
flicking our cigarettes, ashes dancing in the august air

things were so simple back then,
on page one hundred and ten

i cannot let it go,
it’s written in pen

we left footprints on the moon
slept until the afternoon
caught the stars in our hands
you changed me- changed all of my plans

but now
I can’t retrace our steps-
in the sky,
there’s nothing left

I am seeping with such stress
I can feel it in my bones
I’ve become such a mess
oh, my dreams are sinking like stones
severed, hanging by a scarce thread

what if some morning,
I can’t get out of my bed?