i am cold without your eyes in my sockets. do you still look? i still look. do you still see? i don't.

i don't.

I do not know why the caged bird sings,
nor why I chose to stay inside on
the sunniest day of the year.

There were no birds, no songs, and no cages.
Only shadows of your house on the backyard.

i consume both love
and liquor in the dark of
Monday's Lucky Bar.

"but you're so beautiful"
we kissed in the alley off burrard
"shut the **** up"
by the bush where i hid my *****
"touch me"
it was raining when you told me
"i love you"

"Run. And never stop."
She didn't say it,
She wrote it.
On an old platform we used to
cross our competitions
and
She won.
She always won.
And I told her as
she got on the plane
"Run. And never stop."*
Later, again,
I didn't write it, I said it to her
as she called me from the hospital payphone.

clean for almost two years now
i stay up reading
a timeline of myself
high on ecstasy

Kicked in the teeth, cut by my lovers
and there's nothing i can do about it—
not that i would have wanted to change it,
anyways. swallowed in sadness.


speaks of dreams and lives in madness
eyes like oceans, swallowed in sadness.
swallowed in sadness.

I read over St Peter and cry.

40 minutes until I board the plane.
12960 until I see you again.

Everything but the present is a fond memory.

Rough love, soft love.
Choke me a bit, are you okay with that?
I guess it's what I'm used to.

Warm skin, heavy blankets.
I pray we don't end up like our parents.

i drove a long way for affection
but i didn't mind a meander
into side streets of self exploration

companionship not compatability

and the simple ******* twists i turned
the gentle buses rode

i tire of you

I wish I could show you all the words I wrote on my body
That you probably wouldn't approve of
(you enjoy the meaning—but not the idea).

But you don't want my skin anymore.
And that's fine.
That's just fine.

kissing pinot grigio
holding glass to cheek
refilling bottle, drop by drop
each milligram worth its weight in salt water

whatever omniscient is awake and
watching me join the 2am club
for a fifth night in a row
i hope you know i would love to watch you too

we learn such lessons from the loneliness
and remember nothing in the morning

this pillow talk is lost in translation from night to day

I, right again.
Wrong.
I, write again.

Those of wisdom measure it and not wit
And hopefully you've got enough
wisdom to measure
my wit?

We never make eye contact anymore—
But your friends and I do—
Which is weird—I don't remember them being the ones—who stuck a finger in my—

You mistook rock bottom for a mountain plateau, but you were happy, so we decided not to tell you for awhile.

If you leave, please stay where you have left to.

So much inspiration,
I think I've found my
expiration.

Never wrote of you.
Maybe now I'll write for you.
So here you go, you.

i wanted to say "i love you" last night (more than once)

but you are fading, i am opaque
and words will slip through you
like water in butterfly nets

You asked and I told you.
Seven is pretty high for eighteen but
It's my lucky number.

my resolution,
a false dichotomy: brown
eyes, or purple walls.

clothes got soaked in rain.
dont know why i expected
them to smell like salt.

"I don't know how you can be so high and low in the same night."

"It's easy. I'm just highly lonely."

catching buses to try to catch you
seven second view through a window
know that i was always blind, but

365 days you've been on my mind
365 days you've been on my mind

Even though social networks have fallen away,
Lost in translational love.
I still exist in the closets of your mind
And I know you still open them.

sappy lately, maybe happy lately,
maybe lately just greatly lonely?

If I could I would live forever
inside a 10x10ft dorm room with walls higher than all your bottles could stack.

and when you

double space your lines apart

(equivalent to an inch

on the textbook you only use for

a surface)

there will always be a soft spot

in my heart

that i want you to call home

you ran around screaming
*"if life were a race
you came first to me—
but you gave me 9th place"

high and dry
sober, sober, sobreity
all i ever wanted was to feel

slowly dying
but finally alive

Your existence is drowning—
Possessing your breathe in depth
Spanning a minute into a lifelong
And only when your lungs collapse do you
Fly and break the surface into another new world
Another new ocean in which you will hide:
Close your eyes and refuse to inhale the tide.

the two second view of Jupiter over
the two hour night that I spent awake
with you

How my memory favors a
one night second over a
one night stand.

'You were going 210km/h
when you headed into heaven.

Dreams are always dressed in black.
The lack of you I do attack.
Night is where the mind can speak.
You're the only one I seek.
Sleek and steady, I once drew back
In myself I find a crack
But dreams are always dressed on black
And you're the only one I lack.

I will alphabetize the authors of my insecurities and burn my Alexandria.

You said your favorite weekend was *** and coke
I should have known then, what you meant
when you said you also only drank
hard bar straight

my mind telescopes to
the stars that once lined your skin—
who now form constellations
on the rings of
my eyes.

Pop-pop, rattle-bang
Red being the color of the carpet
In hasty prayers, upwards is forgotten
North, East, Smith & Wesson

Oh, look at us
who have burned entire cities
just to hold the sun in our hands.

It's not luck, lover
only privilege.

Skinny green sea wave—
Runs until he can't find the shore anymore.
Runs until he can't see the sun.
It's calm on the waters.

and i am 0912 minutes of wasted breath and second guesses
longing over the lost 0814 days i searched for in other months.
i think of the 0601 seconds i were happy in—
replacing them with 0722 heartbeats trying to scrub the coldness off my fingertips.
0126 lifetimes pass and now i am warm again but unhappy.
reality left me for numbers and birthdays
and now i am alone with my thoughts