Outside
there exists limitless bliss.
I set it free
before I stitched shut your spirit.
She flows forward towards
secure healing.
Be calm
your brain may be shattered
it crumbled apart in pieces
without his hate
I see the little snippits she saves
his singular death
soiling the path before me!
this person isn't;
after I sealed my mind
I remembered to leave you
this joy outside you.
Now she is free
she doesn't have to try to be.
My cruelty has collapsed in on itself,
as she collapses against his memory.
She will never step outside
not now, not ever.
Dry-eyed
I will neglect the stiches in your spirit,
and you will erase me next.

For too long.
It has been too long...

I sit and flip back through
the scrapbooks collected in my head...

Searching. Reaching. Pleading for one reason,
one touch, one gesture,
one true declaration...

I can't find one, not one.
If one exists, now its gone...

What I have endured
without the simplest sustenance,
not so much as a grizzle scrap...

And still I must give?
I have nothing of worth.
I am not sure that I ever have...


        A willow, wilts and dies
in a neverending drought...

What will I do
when the last drop in the well is gone?

Does the last full bucket look different
from the ones drawn before?

When the tree falls in the woods
and no one cares either way
is it worth the effort
for the poor pathetic thing
to make a sound at all?

My little dead sisters,
the wind thrashes about me
and scatters your sun faded ribbons.
A Love In Tokyo
dangles from a tree branch.
Pretty pastel drawings,
and giggle written post it notes,
pasted all over everything.

What is the value of laughter,
how can a memory be sold
for a moment of peace
that sneaks off, when you aren't looking,
and leaves behind
the melancholy remains
of all my little dead sisters.

I want to lie on a dry and barren
spot
light a fire
with my finger
bring back moisture to the desert.

Watch the sky die,
rot and burst,
black and smashed,
white shards sparkle
like the teeth of hyenas.

There is no black
like the glistening windows
we all share.
I can see down
into your hole.
This is where
most would step back.

There is no white
like the skin you conceal.
Uncovered to reveal
a pool of deepest healing.

This is where I dive.

She is a predator, that boldly strides through sunshine,
she left her post all day
...she lounged in the sky
Contented for an eternity,
in a world without time.

She's a passenger... nearly full and fertile.
never been hollow
forever a cascading chorus of birdsong
the tiny sacrifices delivered daily
...No longer sinking, moored in a glass still harbor
direct and vivacious.

She is flesh ...  blissfully encased
around a custom molded cylinder
...Terminated
...set free
a spirit of blood and skin
vacating this realm

She throws down coins of laughter
that fill my bowl like alms
Despair torn assunder
by satin palms
and smooth words
thank you for rejecting this
...they torment us
I will take with my touch
the poison be ******

In the moments before my death,
the horn will be muted.
          fear and guilt
an abandoned home,
being erased in darkness,

yet all I can feel now
is the ecstasy of this moment

specific cruelties   every day
and then
a lover pulled you
left on the curb
roots exposed brown and blonde
I planted you down 
massaged you on
  
No one ever told you it's okay to cry
and laugh at the same time

‘lover’ she said,
‘how long can ecstasy survive?'

You drag me
deep into a drowning pool of silence
where a cold wet death awaits,
where no answers ever come,
where you hide all the old familiar nightmares
where every protestation is ignored,
where peace of mind goes to die,
you let your thoughts constrict,
and with scalpel and skin
you abort all pure creations,
in your drowning pool of silence.

I can hear the gasping of a dying child
covered in dusty rubble,
even though there is a howl occupying my ears.
The flaming metal of their incendiary bombs
throws up clouds of smoke
that mingle with the dust, and obscure
the worst of the horrors.
Give thanks that you are spared of those horrors,
be glad you are unaware of the children
who cannot imagine a future
where they can be guaranteed of anything,
except the whistle of the bombs,
as they descend on the innocent,
the jagged shriek of the rifle fire as it rips
another child apart,
and the clatter of the ceasless treads
of the lumbering bulldozers,
that level whole communities.

Nothing that we are
can be allowed any peace.
We only wish to be,
to them our being is an outrage.

the old cannot erase
the shadow of their setting sun
bled across their threshold, staining
the abandoned chair by the fire.

I adore the scent of the air
a millimeter from the surface of your skin.
and the sensation of your eager hands,
questing across the the landscape of my body.
.

Your body is Why
I no longer
stray
like a Goblin.

you cannot show me how much you hate me
the flies in your mind cover your eyes from the inside
and every vision escaped, crawling away
on broken limbs.

Civilized brutality
Stagnant jail cell air choking,
Complex torment.

After I had walked the earth
touched what things I could touch
The totality
sharing no blood with the sun
Every alarm imaginable
Every engine dedicated to murdering peace
Driven from my homes
None are awake to this
Even I feign sleep
Clearing my mind
until I feel nothing
no reverberation of air
Vacuum

She definitely went with me

driving off angry stillnesses
the distinct smell of haybales

blue twilight, silver, clashing dissonance
beneath the sea, engraved for
Nosreme' music and Monet dashes

We collapsed in a heavy embrace
in an attempt at destroying civilization.

Shouting
withholding

dying
us.

I cannot remember the places you inhaled my essence
out of the earth, and created a desert.

The feel of my surrender, undone, a pure chorus
in the song of forgiveness
that eludes you when you are awake.

You cannot remember the taste of my flesh.
Released, I remembered how to hate.

Sunlight streams throughout
incessant steel pleasure
Your shadow rejoices

You aren't here,
What I climbed back together for,
How you sang away the buzzing in my ears
Who I would give everything just to die for,
Where I had nothing left to gain
You aren't here.

the response was
You aren't here.

You don't want the suffocation.
I am so bad for you.
It's time to start demanding unapologetically.
I climbed out of hate with you.
I haven't seen it from the beginning.
But you don't want to press rewind.
How did this start so blessedly same,
We will act in agreement.
Let's not be actors tonight.
So now we can't deny it was all a lie.
So beware the resentment I never had for you.
You don't know what is permanant.
We are more than together.
We don't want to be freed.
There are more than two types of need..
I require you.
I don't require anyone.
You don't happen not to be
setting your lonliness free.
Be Calm.
After tonight.
I'll lose something faded.
Perhaps not, perhaps.
We don't have to stay together.
After the dawn.
Despise them.
And you can despise me too.
Be calm.
You will never fade away.

Her eyes cut like honesty.
She destroys certainty
like the contact of unknown lips-
Forbiding me
A desired amuse bouche,
and I couldn't hear her decline your megaton of yesterday's drudge.
"How do I suffer you?" "Go off, do your hedonist."

Truth is a bitter transmitter.
It always smells of curling cinders,
that I have inhaled deeply
Either unlike indifference
that I've guiltlessly-danced out of denial.

I'll know who's true to me.
With audacity you admit everything.
Your audacity, I pull generous hands forward and hear , "Yes."
Audacity that I grant access to shared thoughts.
Audacity I.

Honesty can be shrouded in midnight
or as rebellious as a pimple on your nose.
There is nothing to be gained from insults
(Or Cruelty)
Discovered before caresses and thefts.
Without who I agree, some of the terrible places
are left unused charities
Either debt. As if loneliness is not a department store.
I know where I went right
She destroyed random targets,
unmasking her borrowed glorious virtue
And after you hear the burst of her AR,
she'll feel the measure of her worth.

It's all my fault.
A locked window was your denial
So I crawled through the basement window
It wasn't an honest defense.

Let me buy you the wine list.
let her obey.

Give me your approximations
Thank you
Grab onto me now
Forget your
Agreement
You are the best
Immunity
My localized cure
Give me your days unlived
Desire
around your body
You can take mine
Yours
Grasp it
I will follow
Before you first
My delicious vision
painted onto my eyes
A little
Yes
To your question
Innoculated
against denial.

She's barely holding it in
All the time
Everyone shouting from the hillsides
Straight edged and sober
The midwife who birthed herself
Comedy outside in the sunshine
A complete place

Deflowered, they've become
To live under the strain of the cure
To be born completely
Beginning cautious unappealing
Not because we are empty inside
but, because two such things
can never be together

Against Hate
Against Despair
Sorrow, lamentation.
A gentle caress
It isn't that hard
to find peace.

Of all the things I've never touched
I'm saddest that I cannot touch your mind.
Gradually it will **** me.

I wish everyone could hear
The ecstasy dancing in your throat
Everyone should see
The veins decorating your *******

Everyone should be granted the vision
of your eyes as they smile when you awaken
Everyone should see
The way you will the morning into existence.

I've never heard it said "Well, at least I'm not that ugly
And I have a decent life"
How could anyone ever desire
To deny beauty it's pristine right?

I've heard "I'm so low down
Please don't drown me in the truth."
This is not your reality
It would be a lie if anyone told you:
You are anything less than a gorgeous tragedy.

After autumn strips the Oaks
The still air screams with the crunch of dead leaves
  .as death seeps out of the soiL....

She feels like
cold lemonade
On a hot
Summer night

She tastes like
Sweat drenched
skin
On a balmy
spring day.

She looks like
The golden sunshine
Streaming through the window
On a clear
winter morning.

She smells like
The cold waves crashing
On my toes
On a warm
Autumn evening.

The little bit of you
I still taste on the tip of my tounge,
is a layer of flavor
that whispsers from the shadows.
A brush of your skin
is a thousand years alone
in a pit of pure bliss.
Cloaked in the scent
of your proximity,
an image that guides my hands
and my lips,
through the realms of my dreams.
You are the reason senses exist.

In the deathlands of night,
where you can't hide from what has gone,
the eyes of recollection are ripped open.
And once the eyelids of your spirit have been shredded,
all you can do is stare, stare, stare.
Back across the years
into the puddle of possible pasts,
searching for just the right reflection.
The perfection you put your finger on
and felt pulsing beneath your passion.
The fragment of time, folded up,
and stored away, like a ward
a barrier against forgetfulness.
This is all that memory demands.
A little place to call home,
where doubt and hope don't dwell alone,
a vault for each shout, each tear, and each moan.
A freezer to store all the flesh, and burnt bones,
of a thousand sunlit paradises you saw
destroyed before your eyes.
A room with a voice
that can pierce the brashest din
of just-forget-me's,
and we-never-should-have-been's.
A land of straight razors, and special souvenirs
we keep safely nestled between our fragile ears
a monument of all we are
a record of our years.
An echo that will never disappear.

Is it the hand that cuts the artery,
or is it the hand that hesitates?

I miss us. What we were.
Back in the brilliant beginning.
When one hand was enough
to count everyone you loved.
Now the power of Babble towers above us,
and the masses mill like mindless cattle
in the verdant pastures where we once played.
If I had stayed, would It have turned out this way?
Everyday, I try to find meaning in the mindmeld,
love in the layer upon layer of nothingness.
How did we let this happen to us.
This lovely land of light and laughter,
has become a dark and dreary domed city,
overshadowed, not by what it is..
but, instead, it only looks so sad,
because of what it was,
and what we let it become.
I'm sorry that I left you,
and I'm sorry that it was my finger
that let the torrent through the dam.
All that's left is just a petty sham,
of the kingdom which we shared,
before this world moved on.

Everybody adores you
You are worth so much more than a torrent of tears

She will be saved
If I don't mop it up for you

Lick off your sweat
You are the only one who deserves laughter

Every time,
There is utility in donning it for me

Never, Do I wish to forget you
and how you partially appear

No one will ever forget your silence
Losing countless memories of you

You cannot feel hate, death
could sadly stand still

If you would extravagantly appear
Here
                     Here

    Here.

I caressed your chest so gently your soul climbed inward.

I want to claw through your soil.

Trying to carve a path through
the static, and overlapping voices.
The choices I have made
seem to have unmade me.
I can no longer see the road,
I stumble, and crumble
under the weight of this load.
As the cliche goes, I had it all,
but, I crushed it and let the blood
leak from my grasp,
and when I opened my hand
all I was left with is black silence.

Oh, how I wish you were not there
drowning down in that shallow puddle,
where you rub noses with the mad dogs
who have lost their canine teeth,
and bump heads with the brainless cattle.
I wish that you and I could fly
away to some little lost island,
or take a road trip to Seattle.
But, we burned the last bridge to the past,
and now we must swim down the river of time
alone, in opposite directions.
Keep your head above the water baby,
and ignore the shark staring at you
with those hollow heartless eyes,
that's only your reflection.
We'll meet again someday,
when the sun swallows the earth, maybe.
Then we can be free as one,
instead of enslaved separately.
The truth is,
freedom only feels half as pure
as that rusty old fetter, we wore together.
But, its not the kind of suit you can put back on the rack.
When you break free of the shackle,
you have to wear freedom forever.
And a shout over your shoulder is all you can spare,
when you climb up out of that stagnant pool
and once again breath deeply, in the open air.
Oh, how I wish you were not there.

Never again
in the swirling maelstrom
will we dance together.
Your firey eyes
cut to the bone,
and in the flicker of a dying fire
I can barely see
that I am once again alone.
I once compared you to a fallen angel,
all glowing sword, and a fist
shaking in defiance of the heavens.
But, the horror, the horror of this sorrow
is a razored rain, falling in torrents.
I cannot ever touch you again.
I would rather drown,
in the blood, shed by this shower,
than to never again waver
in ecstasy, beneath the thrumming genius
of your potent power.
Oh, but sorrow, bitter sorrow,
I shall never again dance with you
in the swirling maelstrom.
Forgive me, lovely creature,
I knew not what I had done.

The oven is lively,
It’s been scrubbed clean of blue.
I watch it immobile like a Crucifixion lemon head.
Always I will love Lemonheads.

I know why the oven is so lively.
It is filled with laughter, as I laugh when I think of you.

The exterior is growing bright now,
The suture in my fingers is energetic.
You are climbing up, up, up.
The oven sings praises of you.

I know why you are singing, oven.
I granted my favor, and you granted yours.
She is returning now, her essence beats loudly.
My songs are caressing your neck.
Songs that are yours.

Greetings, hearth.
You are not going anywhere.

Absolutely

it will end how ever you wish it.

Absolutely

someone will hurt you.

Absolutely

You will be saved.

One,
Who with her words,
Has shattered and torn
And bound and repaired,
Should never be so sad
As to believe that silence is the same
As condemnation.
How can one forget
The passionate howl,
And the most tender caress.
In anger she struck
In the night of grim declarations.
Of lamps ever lit
For eyes and song and bravado and daggers.
She knew not until the dawn
That in every work, of the infantile days
Was a fragment of labor, dedicated,
To the lustre of her abyss dark eyes alone.
Eyes, which have shone in the darkest day.
Eyes, which have darkened an evening of flickering flames.
One,
Who's voice, though dissonant to ears this cold
Nevertheless, has sung the sweetest strain,
And etched southern flowers upon the brain.
One,
Such as her,
Shall always remain,
In the core of who I am
I will remember your name.

I stand among them in the open light,
Eyes closed, yet through my lids the sun shines red.
All my muscles slack,  
From them comes an aura of absolute serenity.
They dispel my nightmares with bold displays of love,
Making all horrors seem meaningless.
I do not need to beg them to stay, my angels never stray.
They obliterate my sorrow with their luminescence.
They will not abandon me, though others quite readily have.
My everlasting affection is bound to them.

Hope and surety surround me,
It is their kindness that consoles me.
No fear, no worries are beyond their cleansing touch.
My demons shed, banished and bled from my veins.
Now I stand revealed in their radiance,
Knowing that only the misery is an illusion.
Magnificent Angels, never fail me,
Two pairs of eyes in place of wings.

Once, I was excluded from love,
in bitterness I cursed all that I saw,
not knowing that this bitterness made me anathema
to the very sensations I pursued.
I spread hateful ideology,
made every effort to share my misery,
shouted condemnation at every pair of clasped hands,
every kiss I saw made me retch.

The bitterness welled up
and poured forth from me,
reppelling loves valiant attempts
at liberating me from my tower cell.
From my relatively pleasant existance
I fashioned my own tailor fitted hell,
which I wore everyday, steadily collecting filth,
so soiled I had become.

As I lifted the last shovelful from my early grave,
and prepared to climb down within
with my list of grievances against God
stapled to my shirt, so I might never forget,
my foot stepped out into the pit
but a gentle hand clenched my shoulder
and pulled me back from the hole,
and I turned and discovered love...

It does exist,
none need be excluded, if the feeling exists for some
all can be included.
Love not for the pleasure of it,
but for the pain, and strain,
so that we may constantly measure it against the ache of loneliness
and remind ourselves, that while love may be a neverending battle,
surrender to hate brings nothing but ruin.

Our love is a green tree, we planted our seed.
Our doubts have all died, our fears just dead weeds.
To protect our love I'd shed blood or bleed,
To a love so potent I must concede.
Bringing you pleasure is my only creed.
I devour my lust, and burn my greed.
With you by my side, what more could I need.
Let's dance fast, free, let the universe lead,
Pluck pears from the air, on which we can feed,
Drink raspberry wine, and wildflower mead.
We've laughed off our chains, our spirits now freed
The negative creeps we no longer heed,
Enter my room, part the curtain of beads
Come to my bed, my love, don't make me plead.

The enormity of this feeling...
breathless heaving
Warmth pulsing from my cheeks,
A once thin grin
Widening.
If I could fashion an aquarium
Vast enough to contain this feeling
It could safely house all the life of the seas,
Every grain of sand on the earth,
Strip the atmosphere from the grip of gravity
And compress it all inside
And still have enough room
For you and I to dance on the back of a blue whale,
As it sails through the sky.
This energy that sustains me
Intensifies as I think about you,
Until I think of your name,
And Amsterdam,
Those nights we walked through the park
Arm in arm,
The greatest creation I can claim as my own
Was the smile I molded on your face,
That remained there through the night,
As I sat there staring at your beauteous form
It never left for a moment.
It was your smile that granted me permission
To sleep soundly once again.
This feeling that grows and consumes more and more of my mind
Is the escalating passionate love I carry for you,
That at this very moment fills my spirit with satisfaction.

If,
In the days to come
The earth should shatter asunder.
I shall practice leaping until I can
Cross the gap and bring my love to you.
If,
The climates of our individual worlds
Should shift, and snowed in
I find myself surviving an arctic wasteland,
I shall dig myself out,
Trudge across vast distances to meet you
Surrounded by frozen lakes.
If,
The sky should open up
In showers of sentient black lightning,
And hound me underground,
I will brave an electrified death
For just a chance to place one final kiss on your lips.
If,
You should need me in the night
Call my number and hang up after five rings,
And I will come and find you,
And wipe away your tears.
If,
I cannot find you in the hazy stupor of twilight
Know that by dawn I shall place my healing touch upon you,
And you will feel my love, as it courses through you
And all the horrors that lie in wait
Will fade away.
If,
You stay in my arms
I shall love you
Until the sun swallows our bones.

Light
Rushing towards unity
Halls of starshine
Fashioned from gemstones.
Complete masterpieces
Healing
Bad blood is washed away
Your touch
Paints the multi-verse of my imagination
Every colour in my mind.
Let us forge a better tomorrow
Out of the light we have found today.
Exorcised demons, of hateful words
They have lost the war,
They have been silenced,
For now.
Diligently snuffed,
The flames of mounting anger.
Open your spirit
And greet the light with open arms.

In each shallow breath on my neck as you lie with me,
In each ***** gust is a fragment of my completion.
In each gently murmured whisper fed to my ear,
There is a song of unity, regrowth and affection.
The lightly moistened imprints of your lips
Draw forth sighs, that I share with no one else.
Tucked away and safely kept, in a vault fashioned by your kisses.
Your delicate, yet firm and earnest hand on the nape of my neck,
The other rubbing across the contours of my torso,
Gently grazing nails, leave barely visible red trails
That mark the path of your caresses.
You leave your impressions on my eager skin,
Every minute separation leaves it longing for your touch.
You soften my hard exterior, and stoke my passions,
Harden my steel in the furnace of desire.
My hands work with serpent fluidity
Until moistened, blood flushed,
I enter inside you.
Then it is my breath on your neck,
My hands on your soft body,
My lips on your throat, chin, mouth and each breast.
Only in pleasing you, do I finally find completion.

If I ever put on a fake smile as a deception my face would crack,
When I excavate mirth from the thick crust of your despair
I do not do so in mockery, but as a direct attack on my own self doubt.

I would drink your tears. Not to savor your hurt,
But in the hope,
No,
In the certainty, that given time I can drain some of your pain.

You can give up on hope, but hope never gives up on you,
Even when you lock it out, it is prying a window, or picking a door.
In the twilight of our torment their is a gentle voice
That speaks love into the ears of our soul,
And in this love are the directions, that lead the way out of this maze of deceptions,
And into the impenetrable haven of lovers united.

Only If I could collect lightning for you
And craft a throne in the air, then you would have a perch
Upon which you could survey the fields of prismatic flowers
Arranged in hypnotic patterns,
That swirl as they gently sway seducing the eye,
Which is the living embodiment
Of the way I feel about you.

Life hovers above us,
it generously gives us energy.
Colors rich, and tactile brilliance it bestows.
Tomorrow,
you and I will still have souls
designed for pleasing one and other,
no matter what pain our flesh endures
through the night.
Do not dwell on the flames of hell,
or the sulfur smell,
it will all flee at first light,
as our love brandishes beams of positivity
in sympathetic unity with the rising sun.
Our fears will run for their feotid caves,
and a kiss will drive them from our thoughts as well.
Through the pale, into the black, until the pale into the bright
I give you the essence of my body to hold you tight,
safe and warm in the cold and lawless night.
Think of me when the walls come closing in
and I will bring us a pair of hammers
and we can break free of these fetters.
Run towards the horizon, hands clasped
free
together.

What you want is what I want,
You knew from the start my heart was cracked
And my love like a cornered animal;
Just as likely to strike
Or play dead,
Claw at the walls
Or eat a pumpkin seed from out of your palm.
What we want
It must count for something,
Beside the fulfilment of what we need.
It is not greed to desire,
And seek fulfillment,
But the microscopic cuts carefully concealed,
They yield ugly harvests
That lose all value on the way to the market.
I want to be the golden armored knight
On the titanium white charger,
But my armor is tarnished silver,
My steed a coal black mare.
Still, in my mind you run,
Free through a painted field,
Each brush stroke a daffodil,
Yellow and white waving at your feet.
You laughed and beckoned,
And I chased you
And caught you.
And we tumbled down the hill
Wrapped up in each other,
Giggling and shouting.

I have this image.
It is enough.
But I want more.

Keep your catastrophes closed,
This rotating orb is far from its last lap.
With stones and sticks, clothed in skins
We survived the extinction of countless species.
There is no indication, no dark premonition
That can reverse reality.

Earth was dust, it is now water,
And it is iron and nitrogen,
Phosphorus and hydrogen,
And it is us, even we bend to her order.

We were molded from the elements,
Latent electricity and infinite energy.
We were not crafted to be an index fossil,
Eliminated by polar shift, or apocalyptic storms.

We Will Endure!

If in one moment I could convey to you
An eternity of my love's affirmation,
if I could plant everblooming flowers
in the places you have lied, fields of wildflowers
formed in the shape of your prone body.

Though far and wide lovers may stray
across the vast horizon running,
trying to catch the day;
our hearts are carrier pigeons
always flying back home to roost with each other.

Why run, I say, saunter,
glide like an eagle,
though you fear you may stumble.
I will send my kiss waltzing to you,
So my lips might dance and twirl with yours.

Venus glowing in the night sky
is still there, though unseen during the day.
So too my love remains
in the depth of night it is a golden sun,
in the glare of day it is a silver moon.

From burning dreams, and nightmares,
flames frozen in the clock face of the mind,
Outside your head is the warmth I carry,
through your open eyes
I project this warmth, as my body in abscence.

When we lie together, let us not speak,
I will listen only to your breathing.
All words will dry up, and we will communicate
only with our bodies. Our minds will bend
towards the singular goal, of pleasing each other.