I  feel like a gun shot .... Blaah

Lord,
I feel like you have not been understanding
I feel like the window of worth has been staged
The bullets are flying from all the unexpected directions
Even from my own
I feel like I have lost everything
And yet I have to come to you to recover it
I have drowned
And yet there is breath within my chest
I cant let go and yet your hand of strength seem to have faded away
I feel abandoned for the right reasons
And yet I still stretch out for mercy
Lift me me one more time

Am turbulent
I am shipwreck
And  even when I am underwater I cant give in
So I  hold on with all my emotions

Its a strange place
Strange indeed
When love is hedged in silence and yet HIS voice means the world to you

I see you vividly in the rails of trauma
Call it drama
Possibly trailing from my mama
A grand pa she had

This thought that I have conceived
Like a river fall it excites my life bed
Flowing through seasons of bountifulness
Scagging the pangs of scarcity
With rhythm, a joy explodes
Existing but unexplainable
Exciting and yet barricaded

You remind me of my pillow
It straightened my neck
Composed my cheeks
Dubbed a smile on my lips
Complex-ed me with a WOW complexion
I now comb less

Yet I gaze
Agape in  awe of having discovered
That you have out matched my pillow

If a smile of you was a sea
The fish in me will be the gladdest in glad
Since that phrase does not exist
I make it exist just for you

Drown me all you want
I will stay underwater and breathe you
For love is such, ever diving and never floating

I know I went wrong by the standards of the world
May be I ended up using my own strength and now I am tempted to blame you
But I am hurt
I know the bible tells me that you care but right now I would not mind a handkerchief
Lord, you know I can’t wait to leave; for I am done
And I thought that all I needed was to make it
May be you have saved me from so much
But it’s a May Day for me.
Why does it always have to feel this way?
Is it really necessary for me to be torn apart each time?
The scars
The dents on my heart
They are in perpetual increase
It’s a May Day
I feel I am torn
One more tear won’t hurt
Cause I am tending to numbness
You are up in heaven
But I think that I will be fine
All I have strength for now is a wish!