Recently I notice more about myself
Than I have ever once before
Age, experience, money, love
Something that has stood out
The way my brain functions
I let myself go more in than ever
For example, I'm walking
I notice the birds, the cars
The noise, the tree, my footsteps
People, clothes, buses
Women, children, men
I think where are they going
What is that, who is that
Step after step I count my thoughts
Repeating what I see and hear
It's a machine of thoughts
Though. I fear one day
My mind won't snap back
In time to make important decisions
Cross the street on time, stop for traffic
Say hello, or even walk naturally
I think one day in one
Of my golden visions of life
I will be so unaware of my life
So engraved into my thoughts
That I could be stuck in front of
A bus or middle of the street
Or trying to walk through a wall
Who the **** knows
And when I snap out of it
And my senses are all operational
I just laugh and smile
Thinking I've done it again

Staring at the comp
The little worm eats my brain
Hole after hole he digs
Or she, I don't ******* care
It's a worm, you're a human
Spinning on a rock
Floating through space
Let's not make too much of it
Anyway, back to this
As the worm pushes along
******* out your brain mass
You're left with two options
Either you're even more dumb
Than you were before
Or somehow you begin to see
The pattern of your worm
How he eats, where he moves
What he likes and you become
The little worm
Feeding yourself what you need
Knowing that worm is there forever
What will your little worm do now?

You can't believe you'll make
A difference or somehow be
Different from others
If you only do what others
Do just to feel like you are
Making a difference or
Being different because
Those others said so and have
The backing of many others
Saying "We're making a difference"
Typically, if you're being
Accepted by the many, you're
In a group of followers
When you begin to ruffle feathers
That's different and now
You're living a life worthy  of
Being called different
Just LIVE
Those opinions you seek
Don't follow you six feet down

It feels as if the year doesn't
Start till round March-April
I remember there was never really
A start or beginning as a child
The calendar says one thing
The clock tells me more
And I suppose we could follow that
I see the wheels of the year
Slowly begin to turn when
The sun comes back out
It makes more sense that way, I think
Everything begins to hit me
I understand that now,
No more trying to fix last year
It's too late for anything like that
Now I see everyone galloping
Scrounging to figure out who
They will be this year, the big race
But I'll sit from the stands
With the paper and my drink
Knowing **** well we all lose

There are mornings, very early
It is freezing, I can see my breath
I shower, I dress, coffee, etc.
The day is right behind me
And the street is quiet
My distractions begin
My eyes are starting to ache
It all pours in, the worries
I try running into the fresh air
And as I sit in my '66
As it blows hot air and rumbles
I stop and think, it's only a cold day
And I know that the *******
All the mess, all the ******' hell
Won't matter once I start to drive
Once I remember I don't care
About them, their voices
About the trivial, about reactions
I care about my core, in my mind
It's the only way to live
You'll take years off your life
If you give it all to them

Sometimes I feel the way I did
When I first watched,
"Requiem for a Dream"
Jennifer Conolley is on the phone
With Jared Leto
Asking if he was coming home soon
And she's crying and her makeup running
And he is crying and he is scared
And she's losing herself to the world
And he's losing his mind
And it just snaps you in half with pain
That scene made the movie for me
I still feel it, I'm still understanding it

The most beautiful people I've met
Do not live at the wishes of others
But with their eyes closed
And their minds open and full of wonder
As they walk, they walk apart
They aren't chained to society
And the fools who accept it all
They are misread and lonely and afraid
But they live with real emotions
It's all real in life that you call your own
Don't give it up to those
Who can barely see passed the obvious