You were the first person
in five years
that made me feel less alone

It felt like
You were the first person
After a long time
Who looked into my eyes
And really understood

But maybe I just have too much
That's repressed,
Boiling beneath the surface
Unresolved trauma--  And I'm at it's behest

Maybe my concealment
Pushed you away
To turn around
and go in a new direction
You're stepping forward
Closer
To a feigned future

But little did you know,
Or ever will know
As you move in the opposite direction of me
I had and still have
A spring of love for you,
Though dwindling
It still flows

Even now,
Though the prospect
of us being more
Than just friends
Doesn't seem to be there
I know you still care
Under every moment our eyes meet
I see the love in your eyes
And it brings me so much peace
I only wish the best for you,
In whatever direction you choose.

your heart is full of lies
you go to your church every Sunday
sing your hymns
and give your tithes
then promptly
complain and gossip after the service

you fail to seek God whom you do not know
and instead bow to your various idols
your life is muddled
you grasp for answers
that are just beyond surrender

I once sought comfort from your company
but my useful habits are only corrupted
the more time I spend at church
I'm seeking the love of Jesus here
but I can't find it in anyone's hearts
no one seems to truly care

some churches preach prosperity,
others brim and firestone
they seek to do good deeds
but with ill intentions
it's merely a choreographed dance,
of rule-following,
of keeping up the appearances
but look beyond the facade and into their hearts
and you will be saddened and surprised
here you are the outsider
in a church founded on lies

and all you really wanted
was to be lovingly embraced
by a Jesus following community
but all you found at church
was religious futility.

I have a tendency to
rely on magical thinking
To transcend
harsh realities

I must admit
I dream too much

I dream of spectacular wildflowers,
and loving with my whole heart
I dream of dancing on a full moon,
and embracing the unknown

I dream of both the impossible and
the possible
But to pursue the possible,
I would have to abandon my comfort zone

I am convinced
That if I were to live with integrity
And follow God's call
I would heal
And produce the fruits of God's Spirit

That will require
Turning away from distractions and sin,
To turn toward
A renewed life
Being reborn
And transformed
Into a new person

The question is:
Am I willing
To let go of this identity of mine
That I hold onto so tightly
But will be my demise?
Will I let go
To open myself up to
The reform God has for me?
Am I willing to trust?
Am I willing to let go and
Hand my life entirely over to God?

some days are like rain,
   they make your body ache

you feel the pain
   rise through you

you close your eyes
   you remember

open your eyes
   you swiftly forget

it's easier to stuff it all down
   right?

that dull ache in your wrist
   is a forecast of rain

you think, oneday
   you will rise to the day

like the phoenix
   emerging

but a storm rushes in
   and rains on your parade

you open your mouth to speak
   no one understands you, anyway

all you can think of is hiding,
   it's all you can dream of

you ask: this is life?
   you're bewildered

you try not to think,
   because when you think you remember

all those lukewarm friends
   everyone who left

some days are like rain
   they are silent and still

the disassociation takes over
   the emptiness seeps in

the rain gets into your hollow house
   of vain imaginations

i pray that this rain might
   serve as some sort of healing elixir

for my bones need fixing,
   my heart needs healing.

While I was sleeping
I dreamed of you-- heartache
Of trains going nowhere-- aimlessness
Of my sister-- safety
While I was sleeping
The birds awoke
And sung their lively tune
But when I wake up
I'm never truly awake
I'm always tired, half-awake
Daydreaming of better days.

what barrier stands between the heart and it's truth? When a person looks through a focused prism, shades of black and white Fall Away. Vibrant colors appear as driven by emotion. The desire of their heart will glow in radiant light. Love is a spectrum of the rainbow, it knows no race gender or Creed, it bypasses hatred an animus to give the heart what it desires. So in a world that is cut in the Hue of black and white, love is the dazzling Spectrum of color that is laid out like a field of wildflowers. It shines in the bright sunlight and wants to be seen its truest form

We are the ones who are hard to understand
We'll be the last ones in the movie theatre
because the ending scene made us cry
We'll stop to smell the roses
because they deserve to be appreciated
We are the ones who will take the time
to learn what keeps you up at night
We are the ones who will imagine
an entire future of adventures
with the people who show us love

We are the ones who will love you more
than we love ourselves
We will give you our strongest parts
in hopes that we can make things better
We desire to see you become the best you
to make sure that you always feel our love
We crave affection and appreciation
We give a piece of ourselves away every day
sometimes to people who don't deserve it
Our love is easy to take advantage of
and sometimes we don't get back
the love that we give away

When we hurt, we crumble and fall apart
We constantly have to put ourselves back together
We are more fragile than we like to give off
We carry our emotions on our sleeves
Our flaws have the ability to consume us
We aren't afraid to give you the world
but we are afraid to feel unloved
We want you to see what we see
We want you to understand where we're coming from

We are good people with good intentions
We are stronger than we believe
Not everyone can feel the way we feel
We feel too much, too often
We are not hard to love
We are something not everyone knows how to love
But you need to remember that
your worth does not change just because
no one is there to appreciate you, to remind you

You are not any less lovable
You are the most lovable person in the world
You are a light that the world needs
Your kindness is not your weakness
You do not need to change for anyone's acceptance
You do not need to stop giving love
just because you don't get any back
Your heart is the best thing about you

And one day when you least expect it
someone will notice you from across the room
and know exactly how to love you
They will think all of these things are beautiful
They will deserve the love you can give
They will fill the empty space in your heart
But for now, don't stop feeling
We are the ones who feel everything so deeply
We are the ones who can't give up because
We are the ones who will teach the world
how to love