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Searching Jan 2011
As a blaze of light pierces the sky and spans across the horizon,
You gaze upon opportunity without fear of being blinded
When an irresistible urge to reach for it with all your might
Sends you sprinting full force forward over the hurdles,
Pushing always onward until nothing can hold you back,
Not even the pain of the struggle, strengthening your resolve,
As you forget to miss all that was sacrificed for the journey
Because life is worth the chance to run among the wild horses.
You pause a moment to take in a breath and glimpse the beauty
Of freedom, hard-won and sacred, growing nearer with each day.
You race with wild stallions; their spirits carry you away.
Dedicated to J.M.M.
Copyright © 2010 Searching.
All Rights Reserved.
Searching Dec 2010
You take my hand, and we begin to spin,
The whole world flying past in a flurry.
All my focus is on you at this moment;
Eyes glowing like pure joy ignited a fire.
You live for the risk, never fully indulged.
Willing myself to be present for an instant,
I cannot help but wonder how you see me now,
An anguished face contorted, fear crawling
Like spiders in the wrinkles, eyes shut tight.
Squeezing the blood out of your hand,
Praying things will return to the tired routines
Of a life well planned, yearning to be still,
As you gleefully twirl me on.  A dancing devil.
Copyright © 2011 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Dec 2010
A flourish of color springs forth amid a pigeon gray background.
You hold my gaze, and, for a while, I'm frozen still. Captivated,
Perceiving only what I want to see, imperceptive to the cracks and scars,
-Any details at all that make you less perfect, less magnificent to behold.
So surely I cling to this fantastical vision, so hopelessly clear...
Just before the ink droplets' dark diffusion, the realization of  a flaw.
Jolting me into a stark awareness of it's presence -however minute-
And my distaste at it's presentation.  A fresh delight spoils
As this detail permanently disfigures the beauty that stood before.
And like a flutter of wings, all interest dissipates - the fantasy forever gone
From the vision of the entity I chose not to wholly look upon.
Copyright © 2010 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Dec 2010
Opposed though not yet charged, we hold back our fire
Yet in such close vicinity, our features polarize.
A duo of strong minds grapple for understanding while
Fear, Shame, and Anger play an unruly audience amidst the
Backdrop of dusty bookshelves and a mild mid-day sun.
Stuck in stalemate, even magnets become exhausted;
Tired of attempting to display ambivalence toward the other
When so attracted by the primal bond of maternity.
He sympathizes for her tears shed over a prodigal son,
But we can only bear so much hurt when the fight is done.
Copyright © 2010 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Dec 2010
Now there's too much to handle, so I'll let my mind meander,
Taking a moment to rack my brain for the kind of wisdom
That only years of failure can achieve, the kind I'm too cowardly
To allow myself to discover. Growth and peace do not come easy
In a world that slowly poisons the mind with a false sense of urgency.

I've let myself imagine what I would do with power
To rival the great gods of ancient times- simpler times,
But the gods seldom used their abilities toward benevolent ends.
Would I ruin others lives to fulfill my selfish endeavors?
Such questions echo in my head, tantamount to denying denial.

Walking under the trees reminds me of the possibility of deep sleep.
Listening to the forest whisper secrets through their branches,
Privy to all their knowledge and comforted by their strength,
I envy their solidarity and salute to their resilience, contrasting
My surrender to insomnia, depositing sand under my eyes like graves.

Feeling small makes me recall the days when I was the apple
Of my father's eye, innocently promising to never disappoint him. Now,
A disappointment-tainted smile greets me, both the Snake and the fruit.
Clinging to an empty shell of memories equally treasured and torturing,
I'm made aware that we also let down the people who never held much hope.

For a short time I thought that love grew from letting a person
Take everything I could give. Having out grown such dangerously
Low self esteem, I'm left still wondering how others are able
To sustain long term companionships of shared trust and intimacy.
I admire them from my window, for so long lonesome until recently.

I stubbornly believe that ***** and books take the cake when
Escaping from bottled up feelings too complicated to express
In coherent stanzas with the hope that one day someone will understand.
Until then, I'll dance dazed to music turned all the way up
In an attempt to blare out the ugliness of the past always pressing in.
Copyright © 2010 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Nov 2010
the cold enfolds fingers and soul with a freeze that makes trees scream
as winds of loneliness sting eyes like a gut inflamed with poisoned thorns
more time slips pass and less joy comes forth and the yearnings overflow
as timid fingers ache for a hand to grasp, for a chance to hope for more

true love lies deep and only body heat from a fellow man can thaw; thus,
trust dwindles in the act of giving up much for a love that cannot touch,
this distress contrives tired romantic traumas which decimate a heart
and so sadness buries a lonely soul while quiet snow fall frames the tomb

joy delights in shared body warmth of restless minds on dreamy nights,
joy well-wrought craves close companions' unbridled streams of thought
Copyright © 2010 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
Searching Nov 2010
Dangerously drawing lines to skew
The  formidable friendship between us,
Oh so fortuitous, yet tenderly fruitless
Without space to fill with awkwardness.
Pretense groans lowly in its dissolution
As you muster the courage to ask for a dance.
Yet with so much time spent missing the chance
To clearly define our platonic premise,
Where do we go  and where are we now
That your flailing in these murky waters,
Trying to resist someone who scares you
With the fright of what he'll make you become
By stealing more than a passing glance...
I almost wish I could
Copyright © 2010 Searching. All Rights Reserved.
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