When the lights go out,
The coldness seeps in
And hairs stand on end
Anticipating slumber,
A sweet forgetfulness
Far from the "To-do" lists,
Far from Time's impatience.

All while I lay in wait
Turning with night's stirrings
To solve Life's twisted puzzle
In dreams of demons
Of truths and of fears
That I'd much rather ignore
When I'm completely honest.

So won't you hold me now
And lighten the load
That a blue heart bears
To not feel so alone
And relieve  these eyes so blurred
From wanting for what is not
When the light surrenders.

While the city sleeps so silently,
So silently I yearn for you.

Write what cannot be said
Feel the sting and exhale
Out with the truth
That you said you don't need me
When I want to be your shoulder
Before you beg the barstool for support
Sent spiraling into a breakdown...
I'd risk losing everything else
To understand this universe
That forms your turmoils,
Eccentricities, and all.
Even without sunshine to  delight in,
I'd take in your darkness without blinking.
So don't lie when you need me most
Because I'd want you to catch me
When I'm standing on the edge
Alone

You don't even know
The meaning of your laughter
After all the hurt we have endured
Together. We are strong
And young and dumb,
Riding this wave of bliss,
Taking back what was taken away
Each day. You make me believe
That people can't be all bad,
And with you by my side I can
Hear the wisdom in silence,
Indulge in idiosyncrasies,
Or lose myself on purpose
To rediscover Paradise.
And yet, you don't even know
That you're the only one I can trust,
But the things you don't know,
All these truths, won't hurt us.

I don't want to wait for
My bitterness to push you away
As my patience slowly shrivels,
But don't push me
To try to be stronger
Even though I know I must.

My attempt to put on a tough face
Barely conceals a weary heart
That longs to be near you
If only to be yours
On these faithless nights
Where I need to love you more.

Awaking to the same nightmare
Of  lonely days taking their toll.
I think I'm too young to be jaded,
So I spit fire at the injustice
Of waiting for you,
For us; for anything.

And yet, I know I must not
Cry while glaring forlorn
Out of my room, outside of myself,
To observe a world lacking in the
Kind of love that we share.
A gratefulness comes with time.

Tear streaks down cheeks,
Waiting for you ain't so bad.

If there can be love in war,
Then a victory is a loss
When compromise is shaky,
Treaties go amiss,
Surrenders are meaningless,
And shell fire will ring
In memories of unfortunate events
Years, lifetimes, and generations after
The battlefield has cooled,
The flesh wounds have scarred,
And Love was a causality.

Walking 'cross the campus green,
Feeling forgotten memories' weight,
Educated in a suffering I had never known,
A senior fisherman using freshman bait.

Your laughter still grates me to the core,
The discarded apple Eve tossed in the dirt
Without apology to soften the throbbing regret,
With every ignorant hope that cupid's arrow beget.
Losing life, losing  heat in a cold sweat sleep,
With each day since, I've never felt so low
As the  morning after that sweet night in Fall,
For from lust I had fallen, soul sullied. Eyes swollen
Because you used me in a way no one ever has
And had not the heart to pretend to care that
I wanted to love you
                                                ... a hard truth to face.

*And though stronger now, my knees still shake,
Struggling through shadows, lost in your wake.

While passing quiet morning moments,
A breakfast feels abandoned on the bed,
And bright window light illuminates drafts,
Like dreams strewn 'cross a darkroom, and shadows
Of negatives, overexposed in cold tones,
Fluttering like flashes of thought  in my head.
I sit hardly trapped as much as captivated
By a life lead in dread of realizing potential
Like a great actor afflicted by stage fright,
If the proud eagle were afraid to take flight,
And though power comes with such telling insight,
I sit hardly trapped as much as captivated,
Sighing in  surrender, paralyzed by my Light.