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 Jan 2013 searching
Amy Franklin
I have a disease
It's nickname's MS
Take a look at my brain
All you'll see is a mess
Catch me on a good day
You'd swear nothing is wrong
But it pops in my head
Like a reoccurring song
Legions on the left side
Legions on the right
Wakes with me in the morning
Sleeps with me at night
When it gets mad
Oh, it lets me know
It takes over my body
Likes to put on a show
Maybe can't walk
Maybe can't see
This is just a taste
Of life in misery
The pain hits quick
Within a blink of an eye
Just before you know it
My body says its goodbye
Everybody's watching
But no one can speak
I hate to put them through this
I hate to see them weep
Such an awful tragedy
Has came into my life
I wish my hands would listen
And grab the fork and knife
When will it stop
The MS will decide
As of right now
It's an inevitable ride
Give me my steroids
All the drugs I can get
I need the pain gone
And for my mind to forget
My mind thinks clearly
While my body shuts down
As I lay here and watch
All my body parts drown
Waiting for the day
When I'm back in control
It can take my body
But never take my soul
We sit here and wait
Cause that's the game
Experience one episode
You'll never be the same
Then the day comes
My pain, it subsides
My body, my brain
Starts to coincide
I'll have to relearn
Things I've been taught
This part right here
Makes me distraught
Sooner or later
I'll be back to me
That wouldn't be possible
Without the Tysabri
For now I have something
To help me get through
Forget for a while
What I know is true
Then I start thinking
"I'm winning the fight!"
"I'm beating MS!"
"I'm feeling alright!"
Then I start questioning
How could this happen to me
Which life I live
Is my reality?
I woke up this morning
And I can't tie my shoe
Here it goes again
Da ja vu.
 Jan 2013 searching
Ugo
Skyscrapers and mango trees wearing boxer briefs.

The tantalizing wind blows caressing paperclips and mortuary signs—
turning them indigo red for we all know that dead bodies are nothing but dead.

Hymns of love and soliloquies of the unconscious ego—
Id of our time but men of the past be our hero.
Leaving to wonder, if king Nebuchadnezzar was a crack-feign
would Coca Cola still educate penguins on the importance of Lesbian Existence?

For in this war of life, cockroaches are the real winners,
and the taste of excellence is only reserved for fire extinguishers —

so if nuclear clouds persist,
let the fire burn with love and you lay on the bed of oblivion
cuddling the moral that capitalism leads to schizophrenia.

So insure your sanity for free 99, this, with warm regards from yours truly,

                                                               ­              Rhizome of Golgotha.
 Jan 2013 searching
Evelyn Marie
I am a paradox
I am 'brilliant' yet scatter brained
I wonder if I even have a brain at all
The gentle thumping of my heart tells me that I'm alive
But yet I see no evidence that this is all a reality

I walk in slow motion day after day
My mind is everywhere but where I presently am
I don't focus, but yet I retain
The sounds of the human life surrounding me tells me that I'm not the only one here
But what if it's all an illusion I built up in my head to keep me happy?

I'm not happy, so why do I wear such a happy tranquil face?
My mind is raging a World War III within itself
I won't win

My destiny is to lose
To lose the reality that I'm not even sure is really there
To lose the gentle thumping of my heart that tells me that I'm alive
To lose the soft buzzing of the human race that surrounds me day after day
Does anyone even notice where I am?

I am lost, to myself and to others
You don't see, yet you are my father and my mother
You say you know me better than myself
So why can't you see that my biggest wish is to rid myself of myself?

One day I will be gone
Gone
Gone
A little... morbid. I know.
When the pain goes away,
Then we’ll start a new day
Should I wake up from this dream?
Or just except everything as it seems?
Are the memories distant yet?
Haven’t we already met?
It seems like we’re right back at the start,
The part where we both had a heart.
Can you fast forward please?

My heart, you’ve lost the keys?
This doesn’t seem new,
It’s always what you do.
Days after we met?, where did you say we were?
Are those smiles I see upon our faces?, Wasn’t this all before her?
Look, we’re becoming distant.
Isn’t that what you insisted?
Are those the hallways I see?
Is that you with me?
Hand in hand you say?
This wasn’t recent; it was when everything was made.
Oh look, our first kiss
It was so sudden, we both nearly missed
I recognize our secret night
When everything seemed just right
My heart was pounding so hard
And I could hear yours from afar
Your hands were so warm
I thought I’d melt away in your embrace; it was like a sudden swarm
I dissolved in your eyes that night,
When I let go, I still didn’t feel just right
I left my heart in your eyes that moment
Everything I had left, every single last component
I’m starting to tear up, please fast forward

Months later you say? Is everything in order?
Oh look, you moved away
Don’t you see my tears, running away day by day?
This is the part where she shows up, isn’t it?
I wasn’t there that day, but I felt it like a sudden hit.
Oh look, this is where we suddenly drifted apart,
Isn’t this where you decided we should all get a new start?
I hate the ending myself; isn’t this your favorite scene?
Look it’s coming up, this is the hardest part to watch it seems
There goes my heart, shattered and scattered around
There goes that distant look in your eyes, as you look at me for the last time; hardly making a sound
So that was our story? You say?
Never the fairytale ending, like at the beginning of May
No, please don’t turn it back on,
I couldn’t bear going through those emotions, seeing the perfect con

Yes, I still remember, don’t you?
Wait, what’s your name again?
Who?
Just like the tumble **** that rolls across the empty desert floor…unsettled was her
ability to love compassionately and just like the winds that blew during a ragging storm at sea…unsettled was her heart in its ability to believe in a real love that could ever be, like a broken record she always seemed to missing out in what a real love could or might ever really be, instead she stayed focused on distorted dreams of what an abuser said a real love should be.

So, many dark clouds that had passed in and out of her life over the years had distorted her reality and robbed her of the visions to see, what a real love could be.

She spent the rest of her life in a bottle and locked inside self imposed prison by her passed lovers and unsettled but not by me. A foolish person always wants to have everything without out putting in the work. A truly blessed and wise person accepts and works hard to keep what they have and hardly ever wants for nothing but they get it all in the end.
 Jan 2013 searching
April Rose
this is where it starts,
where it begins.
first thought to mind:
i can't.
not today,not yesterday,not tomorrow.
let's make my goal today:
drown the sorrow.
 Jan 2013 searching
Zoe
Sometimes
 Jan 2013 searching
Zoe
Sometimes I'll pretend the cigarette smoke
is helium, and I'll
take a drag big enough
to make me
lighter
than
air, and I'll
float away as a sunbeam,
warm and blinding,
but a happy blinding, and I'll
smile down on people I used to know,
but I'm too high to recognize
their faces, and I'll
never have to worry
about expectations
or disappointment
or cancer,
because sunbeams don't get cancer,
they just are.
 Jan 2013 searching
Byron
From Maddy
 Jan 2013 searching
Byron
Who needs love
Frantic boils of delirious pink lusting
wanting power
You ask me shadows
and the picture-less language winds
She stops me fast,
the gorgeous void
Lather eternity over me
Stop thinking what will manipulate them
and moan out the recall
Life is a bare and fast beat
please worship it with delicate moments
from sad skin some can soar
i am drunk
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