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Tadeusz Loarca Jan 2017
Run little Polish boy
Run in your field
Learn of your great land
And what it may yield
Learn little polish boy
Learn how to fight
Soon you will grow up
And protect what is right
Know little polish man
Know about freedom
Go to the foreign land
And do what must be done
Fight now you polish man
Fight for the cause
Even if you might die
They have freedom in their jaws

You fight for America
Right on freedom's side
You fight for what you believe in
As you risk your hide
You make friend with founding fathers
As you fight for their home
You construct an army fortress
To protect them as you roam
When the war is over
they give you riches when you go
But you spend it on freedom
That you've come to know
You give it to a founding father
To give up all his slaves
Then you get on the boat
And face Atlantic waves

Fight now you polish man
Fight for where you where born
Fight hard polish man
Charge at the bleeding horns
You die now old polish man
You can not fight no more
Dead is the polish man
With freedom in his core

This is a Tribute to Tadeusz Kouzico a polish war hero who fought in the American revolution
Mateuš Conrad Jan 2017
i can't stop feeling this pounce of melancholy,
and i mean: it's like a lynx pouncing on my chest,
i can't even claim a clinical dimension to it,
it's a sadness that comes on two fronts...
   it's a sadness that i left Poland when i was 8,
and the greater part of my life was spent
using the English language...
         and i find the Anglophone world so devoid
of consistency... all this post-truth
          labelling...
       this throwing of the cartesian maxim the other
way around, the "i am" really does
   predated the "i think" scenario on the hopes
of asking for a genesis, a (0, 0) / (ο, ω) coordinate
beginning... yes, i know more of a dougnut
   and less the orbit of a planet in the latter case...
     i can't believe i'm getting this technical -
but it sometimes happens, you know?
i don't really like it... i'd love to write about less
claustrophobic matters, less constrictive intellectual
matters... and before you shoot me down
by denouncing the crass lack of motivation -
                i am frail in undertaking another "poem",
and i mean that as a way of saying:
              terse narration and no claim to technique,
or at least that's what i know is modern...
           i watch the following list of videos
as a sort of freak-natured lullaby while drinking
Obey the Walrus         I FEEL FANTASTIC
Agamemnon Counterpart       Username 666
Cursed Kleenex Commercial      There is nothing
Performance Olivier de Sagazan 2008  
     The Wyoming Incident        My Dead Great
Grandma’s Coffin in My Own backyard!
K-Fee Car Commercial       Pretty Woman
Fatal Diving Accident        Girl Goes ****** During
Makeup Tutorial       Paris Catacombs Lost Footage
Shaye Saint John – Hand Thing (yes, copy & paste
given the uppercase lettering, i can be lazy
once in a while) -
                          so i do see a lot of potential in
these clips... if you can't dazzle them: might as well
scare them...
                      but i watch them and then write
a native-language poem while listening to
    music accompanying a zbigniew herbert poem
by tadeusz woźniak - and i get all nitty gritty
when using a language i should have forgotten
aged 8... and i type one out and i am brought
to tears with it... and then it vanishes from the html
blank...
             and then a deeper horror sets in,
which Ezra Pound would have liked
and it merely means: ten quotes by Horace,
a video, with only 230 views on youtube...
                    no one would dare say carpe diem
like a cliche after seeing this video...
             but still the sadness persists...
and i can't make it systematic, not systematic in
the sense that it might appeal to the zeitgeist of:
the January blues, or... i need the pharmacological
rainbow...
        i have a miniature vineyard... enough for
35 litres of wine... and i make the wine myself...
i pick the grapes...
i crush them, i buy the yeast, i melt the sugar until
i get runny sugar-thick water,
   and you know? out of the 5 litre holders for it...
i get about 10 pristine bottles of wine,
roughly in the range of 15% a pop...
                   from 35 litres i get about 10 pristine bottles
of wine... quality-wise: the stuff you'd expect to
buy in a shopping market...
       and that's the sad part...
it bothers me that i've waited for long for the wine,
i might have mentioned it a few months back that
i do actually make my own wine... but given the addiction
it's a product that could only last for something
worth celebrating...
                     these days people speak of a marathon's
worth of abstinance from the stuff for a month...
    which is a bit sad, given that if people ventured
into producing their own alcohol, they'd have
a Dionysian month of binging on it... and then having
11 months being sober... until the natural cycle comes
back, like the rare event of a comet...
    i'm sad i lost a few poems on the way...
but i'm also sad that the drinking should begin by spring
and that i'm ****** already...
                  that i'm still buying whiskey,
and when i do actually drink that one bottle of clouded
wine today, i'll feel a sense of the most minute accomplishment...
   i can't stop facing this industrialisation of
everything... whether it's alcohol, or art...
   or intellectual debate...
   sure, i'll listen to Breitbart for a bit...
then i'll listen in on how we've began mutilating
language... then i'll think of god, and recount
kant's concept: imagine the pangs of despair i felt
reading through the second volume of the critique -
if you do: you'd be surprised by what's involved
in transcendental methodology...
    what could possibly obstruct you in the existence
of: said word... not enlarged in religious practices?
   i am comforted by the fact that kant deals with
god on a non-religious basis...
    religious i mean: worthy of a reciting only one
book a thousand ******* times and building churches...
if god is merely lodged in your mind and allows
for a narrative, who is sane enough to take that
narrative initiative from you, considering the fact
that you're not bound to kneel and read only one
book a thousand times as if that one book held
the sole capacity for your vocab exfoliation and learning
of the alphabet?
     how can you ever be bound to a cognitive detestation
of god? that really must be painful...
considering that thought is so ****** whimsical, frail,
   picky, panicky... give it all you want...
you can't establish a cognitive detestation of god
  on the simple ground that thought is being bombarded
by a 5:1 ratio of the senses versus 1 non-sense -
    which god evidently is: given the numbers of
the good-church going folks... kneeling lunatics i call them...
but the simple fact that you want to do a lobotomy on
yourself with atheism, is a bit like saying
you'll censor the mathematical statement 1 + 1 = 2...
      at least the concept of god is: language exists...
and can i add to that? if a being as such exists:
he wouldn't consist of games... the verbal colliseum
of anagrams and crosswords... language you seize
to be entertaining... it would spell out a clear
format: a x, y, z      vector precision:
    starting from point (0, 0) moving to (1, 1),
  (2, 2)        to ( 5, 5) etc. you'd get a y = x graph...
   not a ******* parabola of nuance and political
chess... or nuanced ***...
                    and is that a.i.?
           well: the french question about man inventing
god because it would be useful is much better said
these days since we we have the capacity to create ourselves...
and given how it looks: i'm going to be a caveman
trapped in a two-dimensional world of the collective
consciousness by the time the true avant-garde in this
medium starts... creating a god became boring...
so many had to recreate himself in the robotic form...
    man is currently needing this exploration...
forget the space project... it's a case of definition...
but i'm still melancholic about the wine...
     i've been waiting to sniff it and feel the sharpness
of the alcohol for a good 3 months...
       and i really wish i could write in my native tongue
so easily as i do in my acquired tongue...
     i'm sad because i'm drinking the whiskey
prior, rather than getting completely sloshed on
what alcoholism looked prior:
    it's that curse of town insomnia and how we don't
celebrate enough of what comes with natural
cycles...
              which means that ontology is dead...
given we've managed to tame the seasons...
  means that any ontological question, based on
the cycle of wine-making, brings us to a more dreary
position than with nietzsche's god is dead...
look here: at least you have something tangible...
   you can't erase god from thinking...
it's the primost a priori essence of every, single man,
it's not an a posteriori fact,
god is there, in that a priori medium like space
and time...
                              and why do people never claim
that god can contain a dualism, primarily because
the herd is encapsulated by a monotheism?
              if god could ever be an a posteriori you'd
be forced to experience some sort of revelation,
and later encounter the evil contained within the concept's
dualism, so in actual sense: be considered mad:
for not making certain choices in life and wishing to
reach for the pulpit... mind you: i had such an experience...
and my life didn't become better for it...
     evidently i should have pressed harder for
the ontological argument of: marrying the girl...
but then the same ontological argument came back
to me when i started making wine...
                      meaning i could produce alcohol
on an industrial level... and forget any ritualism involved
in consuming it prior... since i would only be
left with an addictive socio-pathological use of the
once celebrated, collective engagement by waiting for
autumn to ferment and keep me warm through
the winter... which i suppose is when all the Greeks
were kept together... drinking and ******* rather
than bother to exploit natural resources like gas and oil...
but hey! that's just me...
         but there's a sadness behind this...
start making your own wine and you'll see it...
which is to say: i don't know whether i'd have lived
a happy life with my russian fiance...
             i have only a quantum idealism to mind
expressed by fanciying myself counter to the history
i'm writing right now...
    so why is god as a priori bound as time and space?
well... why would you otherwise get so many eager
atheist gobs to reach for an argument?
                  i find that the most authentic atheists are
murderers... why? they have transcended
    the cognitive debility of an atheistic argument...
      i'll prove god does not exist by "thinking" about it...
my my: what a lovely congregation you have there!
      i'm not even trying to be clever here...
  well... there's an antidote to this scenario...
               so he's permanently lodged in our a priori
  "consciousness" (might as well do away with psychiatry
******* about with its three-layer cake of
con- subcon- and uncon-) -
                   and he's not lodged in our a posteriori
"consciousness" - i hate becoming the fiddler on the roof -
because what then? experiencing the omniniscence
and the omnipotency and whatever other trait that ******
thing does, would translate as what?
     at best a monotheism... or a place where people concentrate
in numbers... not necessarily worths of being beyond
the estimates concerning their congregation...
            it's dangerous to claim a god in the a posteriori
realm...
                that's why the safest place to keep him is in
the a priori realm... where all the big things happen,
or don't happen, depending whether you're from New York
or Hiroshima...
                    and following from kant's distinction
in transcendental methodology concerning time and space...
and god...
                 it dawned on me that he did see a distinction
between mathematical language and the lingua of
  doodling and anagrams and all those poetic jives that
give no precision...
    if time... then space...
                    if god...            then nothing...
and how are dual in the a priori realm...
       only that with regards to time and space
i'm more likely to throw a 1, or a 2 into conceptualising
these things, than i am to throw an a, or a b into it...
    algebra is secondary in talking about these two mediums...
why? because i'll get a definite rationalisation of
time and space... if i tell you the fastest man on earth
can run 100m in under 10secs...
                       if i throw in x y z into this: i might as well
end this whole narrative with: oi! Zeno! give us
that Achilles joke!
                when i mean god i mean: medium of
communication... that's not necessarily a democratic
omni-versed plateau of sponging everything every human
has to say...
       but i primarily throw 1, 2, 3... 4, 5... 8, 9 and 0
into the a priori conceptualisation of time and space...
  but if i do the same when i throw in the other symbols
into the a priori conceptualisation of god and nothing -
sure, mathematical symbols can be phonetic encoding,
as one, two, three, four... five, six...
          but apply them as one two three four to time and space
and there's no way to rationalise time and space,
because time and space is met with a nonsense
in dealing with a phonetic encoding of 1 (as one) -
due to the vacuum of space... and the timelessness of
    time as a ref. point fixated upon... let's just leave
it with the vacuum of space... 2 overpowers two (because
of to and too), 3 overpowers three (because of free)...
4 overpowers four (because of for)... not only that:
but they're more about photographic memory
and visual conceptualisation ease - no one really bothers
   a - z to be anything more than: what they actually
are as phonetically: awaiting pronunciation.
sure... letter can become mystical in a sense of:
   y looks like a tree (other than pine),
           H is a rugby goal...
                               w is a cosine graph...
                    y is a serpent's tongue...
              but that's mysticism and that's also: fair enough!
what bugs me is the opposite of the a priori
magnetism... as opposed to space and time...
god and nothing...
     well... if i throw 1 and 0 into a priori thinking
about working time and space...
  i'll get, say: 365 days in a calendar year...
               or that the acceleration of earth if 9.8 metres
per seconds squared... (cubic gravity evidently
becomes a bit pointless -
                                        imagine it:
   9.8m/s(superscript)3...   or 9.8m(superscript)2/s...
or whatever variation...
no wonder the chemists got the ****-end of the stick
when they were told they weren't allowed into
the heaven of superscript... but sent to the subscript hell
of writing dwom oxygen... ah shame: Faust! i'm coming!)...
yes... but throw 1 - 0 into the a priori
"conceptualisation" opposite of time and space,
i.e. god and nothing... the best answer you can get
is matthew chapter 1 verse 8... or SIX SIX SIX!  boogie man!
well... not... you throw in the symbols α - ω
into the a priori "conceptualisation" of god & nothing
and you get, e.g.: δατυμ -
which basically means: it can't be meaningless -
       otherwise we'd be stuck with animalistic intuition
and intelligence, overloaded with sensual intelligence
and not marred by the murk of thought...
  how this devolution happened is beyond me...
  no amount of wit makes up for the sensual sharpness of
a monkey shouting at a congregation: spy! snake!
and all with the bare minumum of phonetic distinction...
    thus α - ω are slightly meaningless when it comes
to time and space, i know these symbols to enter
this a priori venture, but we're still primarily talking
about using 1 - 0 symbols to get at the knitting-work...
just like in verse, i say of a crossword
    sound of Valhalla (4),
                 and you say: 1 across... horn!
                              and then we get the pretty picture.
3a.m.
       and the wine ritual is about to begin...
      
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2020
...and that i own a bed.., but rather sleep on the floor... make-up an Ibiza from a Beirut... i rather **** the fathoming of a fizzle... to somehow compensate the tirade... this most unwelcome clue and loss... this gravity toward a... copper skin... and spit of biting totoises toying: limbo years... leftover... come... cushioning brief: fudge-packaged "thought"... this limbo-slant... as somewhat crude work-around... kiev a... "scheme"...

vielen dank zu gott! many thanks to god!

my greatest fear is that of homelessness...
who's to fear... to fear and "what"?

to be at home is some synoynmous
with something:
beside a being: and a home!

loitering in the quasi lane...
i'm about to travel across
europe with three rotten
teeth and i'm to suspect:
myself toying with some
variation of journalism...

       i see no end to the cold,
or war... the warm or
the shrapnel excavation
project...
when communism
was beast established
among the slavs
as your: yours one and truly...
antagonistic
warsaw pact whistling
and lobotomy...

even if i were the evil genius
of descartes...
i wouldn't be so...
fine detailed: ****...
      so... pristine... so...
otherwise... lobotomy blues...

exactly! what's scary is not
the laws being implemented...
but how... easily they are...
talk about climbing a tree...
talk about learning to ride
a bike... achieving a pass
with a bruised knee...

              a scrap: heaping...
lost teeth and... what of the jihad...
for the lost fraction of the ummah...
what of the jihad...
expected... in the chinese...

where is the ummah to be
summed to salvage...
and save the...
frolic over...
              the detail... in hair...
when hair is being shipped
away to "elsewhere"...
for ****-holes awaiting...
xinjiang... hair from...
would be... hibernating bear farts...

the jihad! the jihad!
i'm guessing the arab elites
are in on the "gimmick" with
the choke ***** men...
because... jihad only behaves
like a jihad on former
cursader territory...
south of france...
herr tao is somehow immune...

calls for being debility funny...
calls for...
bonfires of the turban of the sikhs...
orientating...
the house of gondor with
the house of rohan...

                 we'z needz 'air!
atypical confused jihadi saladin would-be...
we must all thank...
vielen dank zu gott!
                   but i still wait...
for the jihad to save the... project islam inc.
of the ummah...

sloth-riddles of the islamic project...
clearly they want to stamp on
the face of a man beaten down by...
a non-resurrected christianity...
too scared to face off with...
chinese atheism...

      *****-soldiers... where the ummah
where the... oh... wait...
the bangladeshi being paid
in "reperations" having
a chance to relieve themselves
with a game of cricket...
i'd sooner send... the locust
to abu dhabi than allow a foot
of mine to set...
on a worse idea beside the already
ailing reality of venice...

once upon a time...
was the fortune of settling on the basin
of the river...
all that oil must have shot those
arabs to the head...
the egyptians started screaming
at the camel-jockeys:
you never listened to the sand-*******...
did you?

all that black gold in one's pocket...
all that... yacht ambition...
all that and that...
all that frivolity... prized pride of
the... ahem... "ummah"...
looks like the chinese muslims are
forever and the will of the dubai classics...
fern fusions readied for...
the wigs!

       ****** readied they are...
some mongols would dear strap a horse
to their grave than excavate a hair plough
from...
eh... slaving prior to genocide...
it's like... they are... "allies"...
               it's a genocide mingling
with a joke... of slavery...
but the slaves did work that...
oh no... the germans didn't trust...
the hebrews with anything...
they performed genocide like a "failure"...
or rather a joke...
  
ask the serbs...
ask someone in rwanda...
you never perform a genocide...
by way of... imitating slavery...
by... stalling... by making people perform
menial tasks...
hello horror...
hello the sleeping ummah of islam...
to outright **** a people...
you wouldn't want them...
being teased...
a god teasing and his precursor for
having a 2000 year old wait
to establish: re- ishrael...

         the outliers of rome...
alaos pagan... converted to
the judeo-greco project of: three rotten teeth...

"toxic masculinity"... problem?
not enough of it is going around...
enough for it to be shared...
likewise...
my retreating toward...
japanese insinuation ****...
gravure idols...
   hell... absolute "toxic femininity"...
porcelain white girls...
all... lemon *******... peanuts dead...
while their... glob-trotting...
glutton sized up 66s...
   have forgotten the concept of:
insinuation ****...
foreplay...
all readied for...
extract ******* woman...
****... bred for... **** like a piston...
****** readied...
   blah "blah"...

       it doesn't translate... plain jane...
the sort of toxic you seek...
in man... revels in a deity lady madonna...
i **** myself over all second come...
blessings! blessings they calls them...
yeah... the best dates i've ever had...
concerning the "middle path"
of buddha is bound to the clarity
of a transation in a brothel...

so much for a justified jihad in xinjiang
to... save the people of the ummah...
pseudo malcom X consricpt... 0...
negation... not going to happen...
    japanese porcelein ****...
but they'll wait for the hyprocrisy...
they'll come for the arabs first...
when they finally engineer a man...
that will be better than all
the supposed doping advances of western man
allowed...
  
i'm starting to like *******
from the perspective of a japanese hard-on...
insinuation...
    i'm less the ****** and i'm more...
about to sniff a stinking dog's bowl
of processed meat of a ****'s oyster behalf...
i like that...
less *****... more hard-on...
     n'ah... i never did buy into the whole:
sorry loser ******* in amsterdam
cinema sessions...
    i liked... the tease of a tier...
more imaginative... more human...
than... a tease of a harem via a niqab...

so... no jihad come xinjiang?
should we suppose the mongols also invested
in a conversion and it wasn't the grand
imitation buddha kahn?
the wrath subsided: god was proven...
time for meditation...
    what's a jihad...
when you could entertain...
the... tsunami of the horde of...
the fall of angels.... fully-workable replica
metaphor...
what's the ****-poor islam "spread"
by comparison?
                
no real ummah then...
   unless...
that's diesel of a lamborghini burning
rubber on a tarmac in knightsbirdge
for a faking 'ard on...
    
  two days from now...
i'll be passing through germany...
        i'll be retiring 2 weeks to that land
of paradoxes that's my land of birth...
the aristocratic democracy brothel
of crown and... *******...
foreign hands foreign lands...
all the ready to retreat into their habsburg cul de sacs
of prior to: asserted powers...

no... there's just that...
"we" forgot a healthy ground for
doubt... the plethora of emotion...
the rollercoaster of it...
there's just now... the yoyo-denial cringe
lobotomy...
the best best cringe...
slav soviet communist...
Teddy! Teddy! sell 'em spleen
and iron grips!
no good Warsaw Tadeusz!
Beijin new bwest fwend!

            t-eee-sted...
                  new zealand: tee-st...
not station: tested... but...
t-eee-sted **** the rats and retards...
the philonthropes...
because...
   the noise made by bwah bwah...
  the misathrope...
it's like an accent from...
that last best reserved concept
of growing figs... otherwise a...
goof-ball and course for ralph...

now for the self-congratulatory letter
of championing the dodo project:
well thank **** for not solving this brain-drain
spaghetti puzzle and not exactly buying into
the d.n.a. project ugly pass...
with all that..... bewildering...
"consciousness" debate...
michael myers' "consciousness" debate...
one... 'em... those sudoku nuggets
of... "sober"?!

best resolved...
i drink alcohol to keep calm...
after i forgot to... take my ****** pills...
my... i came late to the party...
21 was illegal to smoke marijuana...
amitriptyline... 25mg...
how many times do i think
about a slaughterhouse?
i think of all the boys with:
chemical soup for brains aged
16 and under...
i was lucky...
they only got to me aged 21...
i was still allowed to retain
a labyrinth of wording(s) to shelter my anger with...
surprise? what surprise?

toxic masculinity = not enough james bonds
running amok for...
oh... weight... *****-whipping...
there's all that... i forgot what...
period drama this was all about...

drink drink drink...
i'll sooner kick my liver dead than...
allow society to sober my half-wit frankenstein
brain of theirs...
    i'll die with:
i don't scare myself with drowning...
i don't scare myself with falling...
flat into a pancake...
i shouldn't be afraid of homelessness...
but i am because...
this avenue of the freely available stars...
and those... made rebel...
that will answer to me...

                  the butterfly... waiting...
for the most pristine... prized... first...
insecurity of... h'america about to be exported...
and it's a... oh my! a zephyr...
tornado... one of those: flush 'em...
when you 'ave 'em...
sort of... scenarios...

hegel: improtune... the will of the thinking man...
thought is a butterfly...
it's hardly... a well-knitted-marx-beard-and-sweater
of consolidations...
  
honest to the god i don't believe in...
i'd shadow **** that crucifix if it
had a japanese gravure model hanging on it...
******* as insinuation...
they did catch me...
libido pressed...
aged 21...
they would have got to me aged 16 and prior...
with ****** and former brain:
the chemical soup...

          i want to smash **** up... then i remind
myself: wait... and giggle...
   the extract... mikhail popkov...
                 albert fish... fan boy for every:
groupie of history...
            is that... like... a somewhat missing:
oops?
        CHRISTINE CHUBBUCK...
               INCEL...
       wouldn't it be... just.. oh so strange...
to... drag a man into a prison cell...
and shoot them... obviously retaining leaving
them there to rot...
   andrei chikatilo...
                              the urban myth of cockroaches
being subjected to the guillotine...

sure... whizz vite boyz aged...
napoleon dynamite... jeffrey dahmer...
      16 is the right time to call brainz...
chem. soup...
bubbly...
me comez 21... me's perfecto...
   me no cain signature idiot primo...
                 i like me horror story...
i get to play the... plot line of
the anaesthetic...
                      
who is to be surprised by: who's who...
of anyone's who of...
the currency of... this... surf...
lost... a "somehow"...
a "somewhat"...
oh... this is... for... today?
                                this has to be...
the advent of the pontius pilate metaphor...
no... not me...
dies ist alles sie:
   scheiße!     es ist mich?
              verwesendtrauben....

kommen, sehen... der welt...
                           verstopfungselbst.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2017
it stems from an allergy, which is almost
paradoxical, given that i defend
retaining the native tongue,
but at the same time struggling with:
esp. upon hearing it like some sort:
allergy, like a fiddle with gulping down
an oyster... the squiggly slime -
  the ooze of a snail's sloth being
regurgitated.
i find too much comfort in english -
and so much discomfort in polish -
             this has to be one of the greatest
parody moments of the proselyte -
             i hate the poles - in that i love
hating them...
             the english i have only pity for...
standards of buggery were never
best received anywhere other than in
england...
                        i find the poles beyond
english humour in their ridicule...
                the way they treated
the young ex-"communists" while spreading
double-the-butter on my grandfather's
  bread slices...
              while ensuring my father
would be homeless if he stayed in the:
"motherland"...
  **** me, i'm just grizzly when it comes
to the concept of scalping catholics!
            i'd deem him a saint,
if he had the decency to become pope emeritus:
slobbering baboon, bouffant in excelsior,
        this man made pope,
ever arouse a "national" dread ever greater
to impede upon a collective "pride":
i'd take pride in "our man" claim the status
of pope emeritus...
                    clinging to the throne like
to a hard-on...
        scorn me to the heavens' high...
count to the ninth and i will likewise scorn him
back: downward!
        and make him settle for a handshake and
raw milk, drank from a freshly milked cow.
i don't know who i hate more,
             but i hate them all,
     and i do what i do best:
                  twist my forward for stating
a or any allegiance.
                   but at lest that's something,
among the anglos, protestants i feel nothing
but uninvited imaginations -
of how else to discuss the unearthing of
the nag hammadi library...
                                      and this is me:
living next to about 100 people,
and i know about 2...
                  must be mars...
              god forbid this "individualism"
live elsewhere, this anti-tribalism,
this anti-nationalism,
     the only person i'm supposed to talk to
is, myself, in the four walls...
             because all the other people
are supra-man,
                 never to kiss a wheelchair,
never to take to walking sideways,
always the young, the perfect, the pristine...
never able to fathom death,
  or other: injury.
               i hate the poles, as i have learned
to hate them with my mother's words:
what has poland ever given you?
  fair enough:
but what has england ever given me
that i would ever want?
                       not much either,
let's keep this argument in equilibrium of
cordiality,
                    given that i slap this tongue
better than some englishmen...
                satan is a sadist?
  the new testament really makes the jews
seem like a rotten crowd,
  given that no man freely asks to be crucified,
that there's no rationality behind
the fate...
                  so who's the *******?
not jesus christ?!
               jesus the *******,
jesus the *******...
           radio maryja and
               ta ta tadeusz rydzyk,
                                       ta ta tadeusz rydzyk
!
any mad dog would be *******
  a non-entry point by now...
  like a dog that's truly *** mad *******
a leg: find me on golgotha,
                         dry ******* that crucifix.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2016
an anatomy of a maxim, originally: the greatest trick the
devil ever pulled was convincing the world the world that
he didn't exist... perhaps, but what
was the conviction, what ontology lay
behind it, was it pre-existential (Cartesian)
or existential (Sartre's)? we're not
talking gambling with Pascal - we're not talking
games anymore - i'll explain later.
i have too many concrete references to throw
at you, where you'll make this whole affair
a scandalous one that i didn't invent myself,
but we're all refining our meanings,
in youth prescribing unknown to us
slang vocabulary to filter through the included
and the excluded, i always wondered where
slang originated, and to what purpose,
the Beat poets and novelists licked the topic
of slang with their addictions to subplot the
demands for a bubble-effect and a non-touch policy...
i was watching the Olympics today,
and i was watching the height of plagiarising Greek
in Pax Romanum, and it felt very civilised,
an equal contest, handshakes of the defeated,
they are after all games, we're not been equal,
let's celebrate Achilles and remember him
for no depressive isolating ******* when drinking
Dionysian epilepsy of refill, refill, so we remain drunk
and memory of him keep us drunk!
but no, oh no, modern men don't know what
to do heroes, or such memories that might
detach us from thinking ourselves likewise;
oh the slur of jealousy, so much angst, among ably
bodied and among the disabled, the disabled have
no sight of a plateau to look up to among the ably
bodied, they're rotten to the core -
and i know where premature dementia stems from...
i was watching the Olympics today, and it felt so
healthy, but then i watched the opening of another
sport... football... and i put on Salem's debut album
on the speaker, songs like sick, release the boar,
trapdoor, and i felt a reminder of the fall of
the western Empire, and when the Norse men
came against the Roman plagiarism of Greek culture
after the Trojan immigration to Italy after the defeat
at Troy, and Hector dying glorious by a glorious
hand of Achilles, and Achilles dying from luck
for the prototype of Tinder man of Paris, ***** licking
boot straps marching to fake debility...
oh, if you don't have a mobile phone, and never used
the Tinder application, you can see the super-charged
desperation of women, porcelain dolls pretending it
was always hard luck and too much eager ****...
they book the cheapest tickets to the Opera house
to see Bolshoi ballet, they even buy tickets that only
allows them to stand... after the second act there's no
sign of them... they disappear, no Tinder swipe
no Pokemon... better chances looking for either
in Auschwitz (as i heard has happened, Auschwitz,
well, thank god people go to fake mourning and a digital
theme park at the same time, at least the hens and stags
have Prague... they call us the forgotten Europeans...
maybe this is the precise intention of what i once
mentioned concerning the ONE LESSON IN TAO:
to aid the world, let the world forget you,
in order that you might forget the world.
seeing la corsaire we had anna nikulina as Medora,
mikhail lobukhin as Conrad, nina Kaptsova as Gulnare,
vitaly biktimirov as Birbanto (the *******),
denis medvedev as Lankendem and alexei loparevich
as Sāid Pasha... the major dances...
- pas d'esclaves by kristina kretova and igor tsvirko,
- danse des forbans by kristina karasoyova (soloist),
                                       anna antropova, anna balukova,
                                       evgeny golovin, denis savin
,
- pas de trois de odalisques by yanina parienko,
                                        xenia zhiganshina, elvina ibraimova
,
- le jardin animé............................................................­........
- grand pas de eventailles......................................................­.....
lonely girls at the opera, phones in the interludes, swiping
left, swiping right, a boy without a phone,
behind me two young women trying to strike conversation
about ballet exclusively, nothing human, just prepared for
the stage... what an awful talk, and talk, and talk...
no talk about excessive clapping... out-of-time clapping...
i'm truly living among barbarians... i might not be as rich
as these barbarians, but i wouldn't care to clap so much,
i guess the logic is: i payed so much money for this ticket
i better make my presence felt.
as i already said, i did take Ezra Pound on the commute,
i should have taken Kant... on the way back from central
London heading into the west i felt patronising
tourist eyes of misguided voyeurism, here one minute,
gone the next... only the devil sweats with shame in hell,
while everyone remains cool and in denial at being in one...
i was just standing on the tube, reading a book of poetry...
i turned into Niagara Falls... sweat on my back,
sweat on my front... while everyone else remained
surprisingly well hydrated, i looked like i just ran a marathon...
so after watching the Olympics i watched the dark ages emerges,
two strands of sport... god almighty and the barbarian's
religiousness of sports, so hellbent-anti-bohemian,
intimate secretes of Onan as a chant with that curled finger
jerking sideways movement... after watching a few days
of the Olympics, the empty seats, the few remaining lights
of this world... i got a cyst pool of ****** bound maggotry...
dad says to son: as my dad said unto me: 'ammer 'em in!
but now i know where premature depression comes from,
under communism we flourished with our imagination,
we played hide & seek into the night,
even when they imported Nintendo and comics we
were hardly moved... hardly the ones to be domesticated
and zoologically probed by anaemic paraphrasing -
we lived outdoors, we slept indoors, we used to eat
sunflower seeds, freshly baked bread, drink
cheap lemonade, go foraging for mushrooms -
idealism of some sort? but none of us were given
pharmacological attractions to treat - we were
given a childhood - even in England we managed to
play with Pokemon cards, to be puberty riddled geeks,
but then things changed... none of this new generation
of youth is given the same childhood chances,
in my youth few already experimented with ***,
teased us all that it was the highest achievement -
back then we still had people to look up to -
strange how i bypassed ****** pubescent development,
when the first boy masturbated he'd be *******
*****... i'd be ******* a sensation aged 8 or 7...
and said it felt good, i didn't involve a church doctrine
that life begun somewhere other than after the birth...
as it might be reasonable inspection that mere death,
sudden, et tu Brutus?, is like an *******,
the fetus later, then birth, the migraine of mourning,
the ***** training (getting used to angels),
the ****... takes us several years to record our
first memory, some might go back as far as being 4
years old... no further, whoever says they can remember
prior is mixing what's presented to them for distortion...
i can't distort my first name and my favourite footballer's
surname in the 1990s world cup (lothar matthäus),
or the satirical sketch show about Solidarity:
**** wałęsa (lew) was the lion, tadeusz mazowiecki (żółw)
the turtle, jacek kuroń (hipopotam) the hippo -
the memory of the "turtle" politician always made me fall asleep.
to be honest, the maxim sounds better not because the devil
denied he existed, but because God denied he existed,
once having proven he did, he denied it with such force
that his marriage to the chosen people became a brief
marriage to the elect / intellectual people... but then that
failed too... we're at the last stage... with Islam teaching
us the original intention of man having to relationship
with god... when Muslims teach us kung fu and judo and
yoga and stop trying to censor our vocabulary,
teach us mutual respect, a divorce from writing poetry
to solely embrace the Koran... when they finally realise
they have become more decadent than anyone would
have thought give their discovery of oil under the dunes...
the greatest trick the
devil ever pulled was convincing the world that
he doubted his own existence
; and all because he knew
that god denied his own, as became apparent in modern
politics, that the sole tactic politicians used to perpetuate
their authority was in the playground of using denial...
but it was never a playground... oddly enough
doubt and denial mingle like the Cartesian mind-body
duality - but when looking at children i know
that children do not understand doubt, too many games
to play to doubt them, hence the crippling uncoupling
from imagination later on, they're real, undoubted games,
hence the child's complete immersion in them:
whether Walt Disney lived and provided for the lost
children is none of my business.... children don't know
doubt, they have no knowledge of thought per se, thought
per se identified as ego... they know only one form of
lie: which is denial, intuitive lying... doubtful lying is
in good interest only a wavering, but nonetheless a straight line...
if ever doubtful lying ever persisted - even the Koran states
something about non-believers... it states nothing about
quasi-believers... the sort of: well... as long as that
martyr walks into a harem, where all the 72 virgins
are actually prostitutes, and he can stomach their piercing
eyes, then we'll think about giving him 72 authentic brides
to deflower.
sowa  Mar 2020
OBY DO WILNA
sowa Mar 2020
49.

Men, Niemen?
most, rzeka i autobus
zatacza się w pagórki
          Wilia?
          w upale budzą się Suwałki
          Memel zaciąga brzeg lasem
          znużoną powieką
Memelland ist abgebrannt
          mury
          pagórki
          coraz to milej do ciebie
          miłe miasto

https://yandex.ru/collections/card/5e6f063db651624b1a7fd6ad/


53.

NA ANTOKOLU


na Antokolu
barok wkoło
stiukowi święci
w plafony wzięci
królowie
            żyd jak żywy
            w peruce na głowie
            triumfuje w purpurze
nad ołtarzem w górze
zaś przy drzwiach
z krzyża zdejmowany
nie baczy na rany świeże
dłoń składa na grzbiecie
na nowym habicie
w ofierze
wpółobjęty
z jednego gwoździa zdjęty
ledwo, a już łaskawie
nad mieczykami z ogrodu
błogosławi płotu
regina pacis
dwa bębny tureckie
zdobyte pod  Chocimiem
milczą w kruchcie nad Wilią


60.

JAK WILENKA

spóźnimy się na wieczór Alicji Rybałko
jak Wilenka po Zarzeczu kluczymy; mosty
w zaułki - miasto dla nas na trzy klucze
zamknięte, jak bajka o spiżowym wilku

w Pikieliszkach za dworem księżyc studzi jezioro
para łabędzi przy brzegu - tak prosto romantycznie
i książki w bibliotece dla dzieci tu
nadal dostać można jedynie po rosyjsku

a poezja Alicji, jak gotyk św. Anny
na palach olchowych i workach piasku
w płomienistym po wielokroć łuku
przenoszę na dłoni ten kościół



Stefan Kosiewski; OBY DO WILNA. Wiersze. Wstęp: Dr Romuald Cudak: Na marginesie. Redakcja: Barbara Jędrzejczak. Opracowanie, korekta: Tadeusz Adam Knopik. Łamanie: Robert Kosek. Wydawca: Stowarzyszenie Europejskie PONS GAULI; współwydawca: Radio PLUS Katowice Sp. z o.o. Drukarnia im. K. Miarki w Mikołowie. Katowice 2000 ISBN 83-914127-0-9
OBY DO WILNA
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2016
i don't mind these karaoke shows sometimes, watched the semi-finals, and one of the song choices was the hidden gem the chain off fleetwood mac's rumours album... never heard it before... go your own way hid it, overplayed on the radio, plus i was more into peter green's mac, akin to tadeusz nalepa's breakout.*

walking back from the shop
with a baggage of the usual
sedatives, ahead on the pavement
two guys, and behind them
three african beauties...
beauty soon faded, passed the two
guys on the pavement,
the three "beauties" took up
the entire width of the pavement,
nearing them not one budged
to give me space,
half a metre from them i stopped...
no no girl, i'm not going
to walk the double yellow line
of the road... move!
by stopping i peered into her eyes...
if i kept on walking she'd
fall to the ground, this is a body
6ft2 and 115kg...
does politeness have to be this forced?
have i suddenly become
a protagonist in a ralph ellison novel
or something?
stood my ground... didn't walk in
the gutter like a jew in prague or
cracow in 1942 - why did i have to force
a space for myself on the pavement?
i'm not a body of rubber, alloys
and leather seating -
i deserve the same walking space
on the designated highway of footsteps.
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
the fact that both concepts are so titillating, exciting even, like dipping your ******* hot chilli sauce thinking it's tomato sauce... quasi pascal's wager i admit, but it's not about winning or losing anything, it's just the double-edged sort of im-/-possibility, obvious i can't imagine such "places", just like the foetus couldn't exactly imagine coming out of, a ******* ******... hey! i thought i was coming out the ****! i thought most things came out of there!? no? ******... keeping an eye on those stretch marks... god... why is it so difficult the practice of cesarean birth, as easily as circumcision? can we back up from the bible and behold little caesars? blah blah, f.g.m., m.g.m., how about f.g.m.+? that **** ain't gonna hold, i don't care what they say: once you go black, you never go back... yeah, you never even go back to black once that head pops out.

i don't believe in a heaven, or a hell,
in a conventional way of:
having a second body and what not -
i believe in both heaven & hell
as that sort of impossibility as to
give my heart the loss of gravity -
to watch, eagerly fluttering -
  but at the same time but only as
a caged bird, which, upon release
entertains the palette of a wild
crow - for me both heaven & hell
are wildernesses - and i, within my
constraints, and contentments of
having a luxurious mansion inside
someone else's head of arguments
and persuasions, lap warm milk
mixed with runny honey...
      and so we squat, from one head
to another, passing indefinitely
from one persuasion, or thereof a
lack of a persuading sale of the eternal;
nonetheless these are immovable objects
for the imagination to be rid off,
sure, they can be mocked, they can
be erased, blocked, censored -
   but the *a priori
essence of them is
almost always bewildering...
even if no text indicated that these places
do exist: fluffy yogurt on one side,
bbq spare ribs on the other -
   they're still the a priori result
of not being allowed an a priori membrane
of the now, here, apparent.
    me, now? from an a priori perspective?
it's either heaven or hell, or its nostalgia,
a lost history, a lack of investment other
than as bookworms -
  after all, this is a classical existential
debate put forward by jean-paul sartre:
that existence, predicates essence...
    to me it's unsolvable per se implosion
with the added dynamic of a rotating
wheel...
            ****'s donkey's years old -
and also the mouth that never shuts up,
kinda like samuel beckett's not i...
   gloryhole my ***...
            all day i was contemplating a ****:
apparently the **** was contemplating
this...
           and however much
jean-paul "strit" sartre might have complicated
the: what came first, chicken or the egg
"debate"...
   it still turns out that i have no
a priori knowledge of this world...
whatever i read, reread, learn, relearn -
     hence my a priori faculty of knowing
becomes a hawkish eye in the extreme
of inventing a heaven, or a hell,
  because i was not given any knowledge
of this world prior to entering it...
kinda weird...
         you can't exactly have expected
this world, without anticipating another -
when you're already immersed
in the already non-expectation state of
affairs... death: a ******* glitter factory
and no one does that better than the mexicans...
i still don't know why i believe -
well, you might as well put the heart
to some use, other than your *****
of a whiskey bottle you take to bed every
single night...
         my, my my, isn't truth the most
ideal repellent that gives you enough
space, which the autistic kids crave?
  now i can understand the concept of
a heaven, or a hell,
on the grounds that i would be in such
realms, with an a posteriori knowledge
of this world...
    it would be like me, & me -
me 1 says to me 2 -
   so...
     well there was this shitstorm called
earth, and the universe and abdul hammad
dimmi -
    you can't really base a priori knowledge
of this world, by simply reading
a history book, or ancient proverbs,
or dry hindu **** of shamans by the ganges -
in these sort of realms there's but
one maxim you begin with:
                       you died, yo d'ed.
the tortures of hell?
   people are so unimaginative...
   pain is reserved for the perverts who
actually enjoy it in tartarus -
people rarely respect nuanced torture...
like, for example...
    being forced to listen to
tadeusz mazowiecki -
   the turtle in the politically satirical
show polish zoo, while being constantly
injected adrenaline and caffeine;
you listened to him talk?
   snooze knockout... but being kept awake?
all hellfire can burn my *** for
an hour, but a year listening to that voice
is like trying to stitch my eyes shut.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2017
i might have to revise a former weakness -
in the genre of philosophy
  (that ever most pompous word in
the english langugae that upon use
i dread another use of [it])
   i found myself unable to read this genre
of books in english...
         don't ask me why -
    i tried nietzsche, failed (to some degree),
but at the same time managed it...
  still, i find philosophy being written in
english as bland, mistaken,
         zealous and obviously:
pompous -
            in all honesty, listening to court
members at Versailles,
or the moral stiffness of the Victorians
more bearable than a word of philosophy being
recited in english...
      i know that i have a limit of
knowing two languages -
but philosophy doesn't really belong in or
with, the english language...
          it's all to: iffy, sickly sweet.
how can a nation breed philosophers,
  when its concerns are for productivity?
the genre makes perfect sense in my
nativspreschen - but to digest some of
the books i read, in english? undeniably:
unbearable.
                      the english language is a poetic
language...
   which is why shakespeare and milton
are championed, but to even imagine
an english thinker?
                       the english are too practical
to deal with nonsense -
                    i wouldn't say practical
in a germanic sense of efficient -
but practical in the sense that they are probably
the least concerned with finding
boredom: mildly entertaining.
           if i've ever seen the epitome of
procrastination and hot hair buffoonery -
it would be an englishman -
   notably in his articulation of said language -
but the american is even more amusing
in attempting his british roots -
                 notably american women who
somehow cling to a jane austen syndrome
of the: most splendid spring affair of a wedding,
my dear: trill the R and let's
start making bravado airs and fancies!
titillating my darling... simply ravishing!
some might also say: the scots are the smartest
people on these isles...
now a scottish philosopher i can cite...
david hume...
                         which brings me to:
philosophy is a bit like smoking ****...
            the later your start, the better...
a tiny sparrow sang in my ear the knowledge
that american high schools teach
philosophy classes...
                   bad i idea, as bad as a teenager smoking
***...
                     minimum entry age?
21...
                   you can't exactly read (reed)
philosophy, if you haven't read (red) -
  no open wide, and say AH....
                                      what? teeth inspection!
- if you haven't read at least one major work
of fiction, take me for example,
   dante's divine comedy, stendhals the scarlet
& black, dostoevsky's crime & punishment,
        dumas' the three musketeers,
                mickiewicz's pan tadeusz...
           point being, i've finally found someone
who actually works perfectly in english...
spinoza...
                   **** reads like spreading butter
onto a toast... smooth silky...
      and there's not even a debate of proof:
     regarding the existence of god -
i like that...
                     i can't prove or disprove -
as i can't approve or disavow -
as i also can't know for certain,  
   or uncertainly "know"
                      - not know for certain
or known for its uncertainty;
i know that i'm uncertain of the certainty
that it is so:
           i know, that i don't know,
which is a step up from knowing, nothing:
- i know, that i don't know,
- wiem, że nie wiem,
- scio, ideo scio non
- ich kennen, jener ich nicht kennen

   (and that's three S's missing,
notably the east german orthographic
aesthetic).
       nonetheless spinoza has become
the first, and probably last philosopher i will
be able to read with the ease of the english language...
i have no qualms with atheistic writing,
as long as it's sensible and takes pride in
a certain modesty that does not hinder itself
upon theological sophistry of preachers...
   or some sort of unfathomable corruption
of the mind with the argument for:
          what i can only deem as an object
that is the source of every single impromptu
imaginable -
                      not on any ethical reality of
candy for the good children,
            wicker men for the bad children...
                             beat thinking about nothing,
and is always relatable to the mere use of language...
  it's not me ascribing a personal deity,
but an impersonal one...
   it doesn't invoke a need for the lunacy
of gesticulation and prayer...
             just a sense of a lost memory,
an amnesia - a thought that glimpses something
that is almost: shy...
                                 nothing aspiring
to pomp & circumstance,
   and all to culminate upon self-flagellation;
at least spinoza's language is fluid,
                  and whenever that word is used:
it's used in a way that doesn't allow to start
imagining the offshoot of that word -
       and turn the whole affair into being blinded
by iconoclasm of a deserving narrative.
- spinoza will be the only philosopher that
i will actually read in english...
        the english were never a people of
philosophers, engineers? yes. poets? yes.
       scientists? yes.
                         they're too practical in that
they don't want to deal with
                                                   "nonsense",
they feed on real problems in the real world,
nothing is ever abstract for them,
  and never will be...
                             they feed on knowing,
and shun the opinions of their elders -
              they need to know, for themselves -
philosophy is nonsense to them -
especially since they seek a concrete god
with a scientific proof,
                     which is what obstructs them
from seeking the lesser, and therefore much more
simpler abstract chandeliers, clocks, etc.,
  basically
                   items of refined entertainment.
how do i approach this....
there's so much ego is also useful for
when i use it
to no cognitive narrative fudge
but instead restrain it:
then put my idle hands to work:
my devilish hands
of idle measure:

i feel so organic having mentioned
eating raw pork
to ingest a tapeworm
and become the Overlord or Zenir of Dune
without sandworms:
with earthworms:
peering into the earth
to find more than serpents:
i've become of serpents
i don't need serpents anymore
to play Loki:
i need Chopin and Boris Brejcha
at Nimes...

Tour de France: we'll get to that in a minute:
i'm clarifying time:

i own a viking bicycle:
how much?
£125
works like a woman
very impressive
a thing can be a woman
my viking road bicycle
green green greed green
envy comes: later...
she's like a woman
and i'm riding her into the distance:

autobiography:
someone set off fireworks in my neighborhood
last night and it spread like wildfire
into the night on social media blah blah

rubric necessary:
if drinking a mixer
smoke some in the garden, wait for stars
to keep their constellations
and without a telescope or a microscope:
catch an insect in your eye
while cycling
Tour de Havering:
from Rise Park
to hmm... Raphael's Park
vicinity
Gidea Park...

            the joy of having watched
the tour de france on t.v.: i
didn't watch it... beside stage 21
while playing Solitaire and reading
newspapers:
but the sports commentary:
imagine what football is: zombie religion...
a place
where people drink and make fantasies of
Nation-States in the globalized world:
globalized = atomized...
the globalized non-states
with their atomized non-individuals...

blink of an eye is equivalent to
0.001 sec?
and the chances of a symbiosis gone wrong
an insect...
lower status creature:
i want to summon the TAPEWORMS
and the *****
into my digestive stomach:
time, for, the, serpent, to, become, the, tree!

Y tongue ADAM and EVE
DEVIL WEDS THEM BEFORE GOD
with tongue of Y and a tree to:
ah! jeez bliss: blitzkrieg bliss!
famous athletes around me:

ATHLETICS is the MOTHER
of all SPORTS...
what is philosophy if not a sport in the dead
humanities... CIRCUS MAXIMUS ABSTRACT'
that T' is a hidden acute above an I which makes it
an E...

a blink of the eye takes
0.001 seconds:
long before i compound the vowels with consonant:
in Japanese that's:
unique: ONE
them: feminine in Polish one: them(f)
them: masculine in Polish oni: them(m)
and how much the predicament of an insect
flying into my eye:
i have such AIRWORMS that found peace
in my body happy as long as the eyes can see
the liver the brain
is of no importance:
the eyes remain:
there are only eyes:
a body without eyes is no body:
a blind man has eyes
ergo a blind man isn't blind
but ALTER-SEEING...
coordinator:
one thing you learn from Crowd Control
being invested in theoretical chemistry
way beyond youth:
is:
that:
you:
can:
claim:
that:
people are like all the elements and none at
the same time:
collectively people are water and earth
individually people are like air and fire:
airy fairy words, promises: ancient Satanic:
which is: i'm the new child..
promises like lies
what are truths and beliefs
within the contention that beliefs are lying-truths...

my father knew i would be up to something
creative
and he did all the chores around the house
while i planted these two replacements for
roses:
the names of flowers always alludes me:
i need a woman
because i need to have noun gratification:
i basically need a woman for nouns
since i am a verb
a woman is a noun
while a man is a verb:
a woman is a vowel
a man is a consonant...

       will "we": still talk about pronoun
"confusion"?
too much pie?!
assassination attempt post-survivalist "face"
emoji:

                  ?           !
                      
ah ****: forgot the nostrils and spacing....
for the leftover ear:
so perfectly so i should have bet on Fortune
Chance:
the gods meet humans in the Arena of Chance:
not somehow Sport
impossible for the Gods to play Gamble
in Athletics:
but gods try these anti-gods
anti-demigods
riches in housing illegal migrants...
in hotels in Clacton-on-Sewage...

one blink of an eye: 0.002 seconds
chance an insect flying into your eyes:
0.0019:
but there are parasites already
residing in my eye: s:
i can see them... they are microscopic:
i needed a telescope:
i received the ROAMING STARS
the Catholics told me ugly truths:
i once said:
i cannot hear silence:
that's demonic now i'm half-paralysis
in perfect mode
having a twirl
a buzz and buzz fresh off the frenzy of BIG
BANGS...
i'm hearing the bangs with the LITTLE SOUNDS
well... concerning the list of other
BIG BANGS: like children talking
something they need a GOD to adhere to having
been so "dead" for so long...
i think i'm not Nietzsche:

big bang: the alphabet?
the sports are: underrepresented:
that's why football is the deep state state: "state"...
don't know:
a sport is a sport is a sport
when it retains the CLASS of literacy
being sponsored:
sharing of wealth:
the rich spend on the sporty:
not the intellectual: i guess...
this is not ACADEMIC... classed as:

so much of my ego like
an angry 13 year old girl about me not about me:
i can't believe the inherent
ontological disability of men
simply because that disability is god:
whether god or gods:
how we feel all organic
but feed of all things inorganic:
how we summoned eternity with
the grit of stone and how we paid
due currency of constipated espionage:
caressing the stone with:
philosopher's envy:
if water is time
then for man to retain his eternal
presence
set forth clinging to stones:
sinking in the water of time
making himself eternal:

physicist! if you truly want to learn:
learn!
become hyper-space indulgent
and detached become
Vibration rather than Music...
Music is Music:
Intellect is a Vibration...
          Reason is the Vibrating...

Intellect is a Vibration
while Reason is the Vibrating...

crowd control: West Ham... post-athletics
Hugo is missing
Hugo is missing...
CONTROL is not informed:
but Romeo Beta is
by Romeo 5...

    create a meaning of:
the River is to a Sea...
not an ocean: just a sea:
a sea of people:
not an ocean of people...
just a sea of people..
there are: gradations of category:
the imperative being:
beyond good and evil:
that's what Neitzsche alluded to:
the categorical imperative
does not quest to reason good above
evil and the knowledge
encompassed in telling
the difference:
in that:
evil = good =evil
good = evil = good

how does man's discovery of rigid dues
of gravity and the *******
project of quantum ***** and giggles:
but in the court...
when man passes laws and forgets
to update them:
maybe A.I> should update our *******
laziness!

the only reason why i gave Leopold the Lydon
Scousser:the bottle of whiskey:
i didn't have to thank him:
NVQ level 3 i was **** fudge packaging
my ego into the
lost beyond lost child
sort of REGRESS... analogy...
but the subject matter was so intellectually dry
i thought about:
hanging, prostitutes: tapeworms:
Amsterdam: Paris: woods nearby: magic
mushrooms:
tapeworms: air-worms in the eyes:
light-worms: something symbiotic
after... after... ha ha!
i've lived through TWO ASSASSINATION attempts...
once when i was a toddler
and almost suffocated
on being fed too fast...
another when i was 21...
but i can also remember two others...
yes... being drawn into a well:
in the middle of nowhere...
being pushed into it by the mother of my
childhood friend: Herbert: i think:
i need a woman for nouns
a woman is a banknote for nouns
while the man is the coinage for verbs...

feminism will,
not govern,
the male, intellect:
within:
her:
as a study: of:
under-achievements:
of: still:
giving: good: head!
but feminism!
will!
not! become!
         Platonism!
will not become!
Aristotelian!
will not become
the Romantic!
will not become SAURON'S Ring!
one thought movement
to quell them all:
feminism = platonism = chriatianity = islam...

blah ha ha!
woman! woman!
get a, *******: wheelchair!
slow down!
ride horses! break a neck:
slow down!
slow! slow! slow! sleeeeeeeuuuuth!

don't get me wrong:
sport:
under representation: as talked by a ******:
asbestos: non non...
then music become a deterioration:
decay: distraction:
you want to escape without the fatigue:
after all: mood changes
but most writers can't keep a hard-on
for ego+ through to ego-
which is somewhere between ego=
and ego_
                      
then the silence and no loss procrastinating:
allowance: wink winks:
the representative perfect:
Turkish barbers and Synthia:
you forgot the macarroni
maccaroni
macarroni
                ah: third time oucky: some add L
to replace the O:
well you know: wonders of counter-reality
profit-idiot-nouns...

           but sport is seriously under-represented:
sport as sport:
a recreation to counter the pathological necrosis
of procreation:
which is also adamantly slow to
be discovered as a covert topic point...

   athletics... the mother of all sports:
like mathematics is the mother of knowledge...
1 + 2 = 3
simple life = mother + can be:
can be: any woman can replace
a man's mother:
if: she can: progress to the provisions of
detachment sensibilities...
a relationship of growth
is brought about by:
the impeding stress of: detachment...
from? well if
i'm contemplating tapeworms and Dune
and magic mushrooms and field trips into the spirit
world...
then i write that and then reality replies:
random cycling new streets mostly haven
suburbia...
detour 1, 2, 4, 5, 3...
hey, mind wandering:
i might be cycling in the tour de frace
but i still love cycling... at least my bicycle
won't be stolen
but then again those expensive bicycles
were stolen from people who had no interest
in cycling:
they just wanted to pretend
to look like:
i love cycling: i hate cycling...
i used to spend £30 a week on cigarettes...
i'm bulging: i wanted to weigh 99kg
i'm bulging up to 105kg
almost unconsciously...
different high viz jacket
and i'm just gaining weight: need to manage
crowd: some ****... another shirt...
can't flex my manly **** like some
don't know whether i can stomach
an actual physical: let's get to know each
other a little bit better, hmm?
   i will hate that circumcised *******
resurrecting mummified bodies sort of ***...

until i restore the high
but the music would have been all:
ill...

Wimbledon, the Euro finals...
concerts in between:
and to think i'm thinking the what IF
and the IF dimension of
even she said:
but i live on a island (Kauai:
origins volcano mythology)
that has roughly 60,--0-:
60,-
60,000 people:
you are part of a team that manages:
venues: with 90000 people...

            and i'm such a good cook and cleaning
lady and me holy TARMAC seriously
that is how the sexes identify when the world
changes and the sexes have to evolve
to compete for complimenting each other?
i feel we reached the highest
escapade:
the sexes compliment
rather than compete:
i work a ****** job: but an engaging:
conflicting: i get to compliment my writings escapades
but at the time confiscate the weirdos
from the whirlpool of body: of man...

Tadek: Tadeusz: Pogačar...
the mythology of the sport that is the Tour
is unlike the insomnia patterned
seasonal:
i wasn't really watching:
i was merely listening!
sure from time to i watch the drone swoon
in like a hawk:
but this is a different sport
a pristine sport
sport without politics:
since ARENA sports
beside the athletic is a humanity's coping
mechanism for discussing in
short-hand the concepts
of RELIGION and of POLITICS...
it's discussed in the most democratic of fashions...
democracy is absolute in the Coliseum...
the church needs to be abandoned...
in all, and every:
country: of this world...

the Coliseum speaks: the Parliament: Listens!
the King and the Lords
are thereof: Absolved of their Dutiful Stature:
and Status:
the Courts and the Laws will be absolved
in their Former Formality of Authority: Recognized:
and the Rule of Man will be: PROMPTLY:
INSTIGATED:
a man will know that association of
ill will was his own gravity:
and will not blame others: for gravitating toward good:
the Rule of Man will
govern both the Rule of Law and
the Godly Dietary Neurotic Propaganda...
the PIG will be venerated in the same psy
pogrom of wind-farming bias...
the pig will be the new ram
the pig will turn into a:
the French were once the BOARS
now they're the cockerels..

       the French were once the BOARS...
now they're the cockerels...
you can tell: sniff it:
the scent of sweetened ******* with
the friction counter literature:

i do see parasites in my vision:
not my eyes:

but how could it possibly be:
that certain sports have empowered people
to supplement themselves
with the REALITY of being involved
whereas church and parliament are
just: majestic, impartial:
status de facto quo
IMPOTENT
Bureucratic (dyslexia, perhaps,
sounds different to the spelling, too many vowels)
bue:row-cratic...
                       the Coliseum: the Parliament:
the Church... and how does Russia operate?
the Church: the Monarch: War...

                                       at least he know how
to contain war: with the gift of Vespasian...
Vespasian's gift:

ah!
now: more clearly:
however i write it, it will be "chiral":

the Gift of Vespasian : Vespasian's Gift...

definite article, noun, preposition, noun
noun: possessive-no-plural article (of noun), noun...
yes: other replicas...
but the original: and grandiose in / of intent:
unlike the Pyramids:
this like for what the Koreans worship
the birth of letters in one man
the abnormal X- have you another waver?
i.e. Sejong: the one man "**** show"...

            but Vespasian: mm hmm! to transcended
time!
what an ingenious structure:
should: church and state and parliament fail!
there's also this stalling process of
appeasing the crowd!
and that's when you see in the sea:
of people...
the intelligent ones: that are also the most
illogical:
the intelligent people are the most illogical
in large: crowd: environments:
whether your weekly football match
(a singled out event)
or **** Germany or the Weimer Rep...

              intelligent people are the most illogical
in a crowd...
they will conjure up all types of fakery
thinking their intelligence is somehow a virus
of proper genetic stashing of:
getting the best out of life:
which: by now: kinda looks like
a family of mother and ***** donor cwy...
            
          i should have remained a roofer with
my father and got a mortgage and a car
instead of working in security
and having the vantage point
of willing to write poetic without hope
for a Pulitzer prize...
instead... Glasgow: 2007... 2008:
first discovering Bukowski...
that crow poem and madmen...
i already knew Dostoyevsky but picked up
Kharamazov Bros as a side...

the drudgery of work?
  if i were a postman! mail'e'me'mail'e'me'mail'e'me!
mail'me'e'e! if i were a Yeshua!

— The End —