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twelve caesuras Apr 2015
i don't know what i'm—****
i don't know what i'm doing,
****, you all are standing still
am i the only one moving?
oh, ****, is anyone else still dancing?
"SADGIRL, WE THINK YOUR DISORDERS ARE ADVANCING..."
****, this is depressive,
i got an MDD in school and it's really ******* impressive
just look at my **** credentials
GAD, SAD, PTSD, all of the essentials
(i am always fireworking
you've got to keep your hands busy when the dark starts lurking)

THEY CALL ME FIRECRACKER SO I'LL ******* LIGHT IT UP,
STEAL ME ALL THEIR KEROSENE AND POUR IT IN MY CUP

"TELL US, TELL US, WHO FIGHTS THIS WAR?
WHO COMMANDS THE SOMBER SOLDIERS WRITHING ON THE FLOOR?"
hello, i'm feeling low, i am the general
give me some ******* coping skills and make them mostly medical
hey there, ratty hair, i am the lieutenant
give me some ******* coping pills because i'm quite dependent
what's up, doctor love, i'm non-commissioned
give me some candy to fix my ills and all my sad conditions

i've got a tongue like the knives i miss
they say "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?"
razor blade teeth cutting at the people that i love the most
their blood in my throat, i propose a toast
to the ever-sinning villain with a sharpening tongue
"OH, YOU ******* DEMON, YOU DESERVE TO BE HUNG"
******* it all, i always wanted to die young
so let me meet the gallows,
it's either this or every ******* pill to ever be swallowed

i had so much ******* fun on the swings
"WHY AREN'T YOU SPEAKING? YOU WON'T SAY ONE **** THING"
but this is what you wanted,
guess who's ******* abstinent! guess whose mind is haunted!
clap for yourself, please, you did so **** well!
i don't care if you don't want me there,

i'll see your *** in hell
"WHAT DID I DO WRONG? WE DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO HAVE SUCH BEHAVIOR"
**** it all, *******, **** **** ****
if i **** well please then i will ******* self destruct
YOU WERE ALL MY MONSTERS ADVERTISED TO BE MY SAVIOR.

***
hey g, don't worry about me, i'm fine. i wrote this in the hospital and edited it today
sadgirl  Jan 2019
mla
sadgirl Jan 2019
mla
somewhere, stars hidden by light pollution.
below, girls huddle. in corners, under couches, behind

headboards of cheap bunk beds. girls become gasoline, votaile
and ready to be ignated with a single flame. at least burn down

the house, at least spit out their lithium into an empty water bottle.
okay. i won't get started on the honda civic. it knows what it did.

bad man. bad desire. bad day to be sadgirl. but here, not hell,
not purgatory. girls can't recall anything, for threat

of severance. here, there is no language for joy,
only cheap rewards and the occasional Sour Patch Kid.

when snow falls we play in it and cry. please, don't
call us imprisoned, call it a next step.

i say my own name when i write.
i go out for pizza and sadly, come back.
Hey guys! back from wilderness. In a hellish place. <3
Astor Mar 2016
Like a wilted plant I was caught in a ceramic *** painted like a spider web
You were my love and the band of my existence
Saying that isn't enough when I mean to say you were a ballet dancer
and a poppy seed bagel and a brand new bottle of nail polish
a champion of industry and and unsharpened pencil

I have a picture we took together
its your blurry childhood hand snatching at the camera
I clicked the button and flash there it was
a stuck moment in time
a time of playful zoo days and class field trips

Together we were a couple of culture shock cuties and sadgirl themes
making a red wine grin

You were a love and You were my artist but your friend caught my eye

— The End —