Falling deep down into a saddening abyss
Though I fall
And I’ve hit rock bottom
There’s someone to catch me
To make me happy
Andrew, Lindsay, mom, Dad, all those
Who have cared to love me
Who I depend on
Who gave me power,
Power to be who I am
To make you feel my love
I must share
Share my thoughts
Feelings
Today I share them with you
My words of wisdom
Of woe
My troubles. My faults. My life.

Dependent,
Although not independent
It is still important to be.
Family
There and strong
They have your back
Even if you’re wrong
Uncle.
Abusing family at a young age
Came to realize
How much  he had fazed out his family
The ones who cared
Coming back to life
Reality and love
Accepted back into open arms that were never closed
As if yesterday was forgotten
Because it was
Uncle.
I’ve called uncle.
Ready to give up
But those loving arms bring me back.
I was taught to give compassion
My family my own example
As Mitch does for his brother,
My family did for my uncle.
Laughter.
Sarcasm is strong
Runs through this family like blood through fat veins
In my house you must have’
Nerves of steal
To survive one meal
Not against the food
But the mood
Judgmental
One word against my father
Teasing, prodding,
To me much more than my brother.
I take it hard
I do admit
But who doesn’t want to be daddy’s little perfect gift
Of pride
Of belongingness
To feel as if I’m doing something right
To feel wrong gives me a fright
we do okay
we occasionally blame
blame it on the doctor
who hurt my mother
vacations
in smoky Cleveland
Where j-walking is an Olympic sport
Cleveland became my hell
It taught me to be strong
Because I had family
Beside me, even if sharing a bed out of the question.

A friend
Andrew once told me
When  I was lonely, tired, and sad
To” close your eyes, and sleep. Let your dreams wash away your fears, then take on tomorrow.”
I don’t think he realized
But maybe he did
This saved me
Thousands of words
Exchanged past lips of knowledge
Hours of conversations
And this one line finally gives me rest
I ask him
What would the final words be
He won’t say
He won’t say because I don’t need to know
I won’t ever have to find out
He’s there for me
More than anyone before
Gets me through a hard day
And makes the next one
It’s a kind of love that can’t be described
It’s changed me
Made me more intelligent
Lindsay
Ginger
Energetic
Sister separated at birth
Soothes me even when she’s countries away
Ireland is lucky
Ha-ha luck of the Irish
Impacted my lonely self
Cracked my shell and poured me into the world
Where i expressed myself
Through piano
And vocal harmonies
In practice rooms
Late to class
Reluctant to leave
I would never have shared my voice if it wasn’t for a friend like that
Years ago I would have tested an introvert
Friends and peers around me
Reaching inside me and pull the extrovert outta me
Now cold
I slink into remission
Wishing I could trust
But I have learned
From mistakes.

Happiness
A well rounded word
The meaning of happiness? The pursuit.
A smile is like a flower
Blooming with care
For a flower
Water and sun maybe all it needs
For me. I need family
Friends
A reason
Used to be known.
Known as the girl who always laughed
Not anymore
I’m on my own pursuit
Pursuit to find what stops my flower from blooming
Might be the feeling of abandonment
Biological
A man who never wanted me
My own father
Not the mad maestro we all know and love
The dark cloud
Who blocks my sunshine
Not the sun who cared for me when no one would
Happiness  Requires passion
Happiness is WORK
Work I need to start
Looking for that job
Applying my feelings to the cause
Morrie had it right
People crawl through their average live
Never noticing the trees
The beauty in the world
It’s a fast crawl.

Life has a philosophy
One learned from experience
Learned from love
Learned from family
Learned from peers
That gives you happiness
Wait re word that
Gives you the ability to be happy
Make life your own
Live it everyday
And have someone to fall to

It's become apparent that I accept
death as it's inevitable. Now, don't
confuse my acceptance of it with asking to
be marked with my personal ending.
If death has marked itself upon me, I
can truly say that I have lived a great
life. I'm sure you're asking as to how
I've lived a great life in such a short
span of time.

I've over come a lot of personal
obstacles; challenges that I have
never expected to accomplish. I've
risen against depression that
plagued me for years. I've opened
up to others for I realize I need my
friends just as much as they need
me. Last, but not least, I've
conquered my fear of conveying my
emotions that used to be trapped in
an infernal prison deep inside the confines
of my mind. These three obstacles
hindered me in the highest caliber
in regards to living a great life.

So yes, I accept death and I do
welcome it in open arms when it
extends its eventual invitation
because deep down, I'm content
with how everything has fallen
into place within my life. In the
end, when you learn how to die,
you learn how to live.

What if we had been strangers on a train
And I asked you what book you were reading.
You'd say:
“The Old Man and The Sea.”
Then I’d tell you I’d never read it before.
You’d say it was your favorite.
And ask for mine,
“Tuesdays with Morrie,”
I’d answer.
We’d bond over similar music taste
The **
PRiNCe
Flight of the Conchords.
You’d compliment my sweater.
I’d admire your socks.
Maybe I’d be bold and ask to take your picture,
But probably not.
Instead I’d ask you name
And you’d ask mine.
I’d smile at your reaction.
”Nice to meet you Oshin.”
Then you’d go back to reading your book
And I’d try to find another excuse to talk to you.

When you no longer have control
Over your
Legs
Arms
Hands
Tongue
When you no longer have the independence
To speak
To move
Do you still feel the presence of love
Do you still feel the presence of right relationally with another
When you can’t translate that
Through words or actions

There's a cup of
coffee in the cup I got
when I lived in
France, turning cold,
sitting
on a book I'm using
as a coaster, called
"Goblin Market"

and the vinyl that
I found for 50 cents
is turning slowly in
my Craigslist turntable,
76 trombones
76 trombones

and I'm trying to make
my way through
"Tuesdays with Morrie,"
because Mitch Albom
makes me cry
and now
I'm thinking only
of heartbreak,
rejection,
un-
requited
love and of
the day, the weeks, the months
my grandma
died.

There's so much to be
happy for
sad for
teeter totter for

I love this life and
I feel so much pain.

now propels yours truly towards restitution
courtesy sophisticated mountebank,
whose criminal mind
filched mine banknotes
rationed for when I exhibit decrepitude.
Cutthroat robber baron
re: newly minted vandal
an alumni matriculated

from school for scandal
a sheep in wolf's clothing
said culprit I call Randall
fleeced me such
more likely than not,
I will be forced to panhandle
and read book of Matthew
courtesy light of candle.

Mein kampf cloaked
with appurtenances of Medieval age
since money bags bereft
of mine lifetime earnings wage.

Bills come due without means to pay
not surprising angry feelings I display,
cuz he who whisked off with bounty
mutinous wordsmith of Schwenksville
yearns to hunt down and slay
thief who ran off with my loot
about eighteen plus days from yesterday
depending on whether I count back

from June twentieth, or twenty first
(before my troubles
seemed so far away)
and quite purposeless to pray
nor doth vindictiveness
appeal to me an aging baby
boomer pronouncing c'est la vie
another rhyme without reason oy vey.

I still smart even
long after hashtagging culprit
as misbegotten rat fink
snagged me as his quarry,
wherewithal of mine absent
nary a handy dandy blues clues
surrendering legal tender
without suspicion nor question
totally trusting typecast
mischievous loathsome devil.

Truth be told,
I take nine prescription medications
(for severe social anxiety,
mild depression, and palmar hyperhidrosis),
and often feel (dazed and confused)
in a heavily drugged stupor.

All sense and sensibility
went out the window
on what began
as an ordinary Tuesday without Morrie.

I already filed a police report
after being milked dry as a bone
for above mentioned funds
***** deeds done dirt cheap
mean miscreants cached (>15 k),
which incident occurred
encompassing the dates
June 20th and 21st 2023,
whereby an Apple tech impersonator
scared the dickens out of me
by claiming Macbook Pro
replete with countless Trojan Horses,

computer viruses, malware, et cetera,
and mislead me to withdraw cash
out checking and savings accounts
then going to the nearest ATM
to convert cash
into bitcoin cyber currency
vis a vis courtesy creating
easy to pluck virtual pursestrings
thru My Wallet.com
said funds siphoned immediately
into the coffers of hucksters.

Elizabeth Clark,
a licensed practical nurse,
(who approves prescription medication
electronically scripted to
Skippack Pharmacy)
suggested I create a gofundme page,
which thus far witnessed
absolute zero donations.