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I want to be the girl they sing about
I want to be the one that "gets around"
I'd like to be the doorknob turned
I'd like to be "she never learns"
Breaking boys' poor little hearts
Teach me how and I'll play the part

Instead of the one who falls for the guy
Left all alone in her bedroom to cry
Tired of being
Miss Always gets hurt
I want to leave them first

I want to to be
The One you can't trust
Leave them all in the dust
The One who "got away"
The One who never stays in one place

I want my own trophy shelf

I'd like to be

The Girl with notches on her belt

I want to be

That *****

The One you fell in love with

The little red corvette
The poison
Your regret

The One who makes you feel sick
Who doesn't give a ****
The One who's keepin' score
Who never likes them more
The One all the girls hate
The Girl who plays mind games
The One who "has it all"
The Girl who watches them fall

The Spider
trapping you in a web
The Witch
placing curses, wishing you unwell

I'm so furious
if looks could ****
I'd watch your blood spill
The girls boys choose
while I continuously lose


I want to play the tricks
while you obey my every whim

Instead of being me
Miss Always Lonely

The Girl who leaves you
broken hearted
with a dismiss kiss
and
could care less you two parted

Instead of Miss Last Pick
Instead of The 19 year old ******
Instead of The Girl they'd all just love to ****
Instead of "great ****"
Instead of "nice ***"
Instead of The One you want to lay
Instead "never a relationship"
Instead of "hey, hot girl, let's play"
Instead of the body
Instead of too smart
Instead of too talkative
and weird
Instead of the feminist
Instead "Miss Morals"
Instead of 'What a *****"
Instead of a novelty
Instead of the rarity
Instead of past tense

When made fun of in elementary
and middle school
I used to wish and  hope
I could be Miss Hot
Miss Thousand Watts

And now...
I have nothing else but...

I want to beautiful too...
not just an *** and *****...

They don't want to talk
They just want to ****
So I blow them off

Only one boyfriend
where all I did was bend

and too many "I hardley know you"
drunken make outs
with too many doubts

Only One love
and he broke my heart...

The boyfriend
The love
were two different people

With the first I tried..

With the Second I cried
4 years of wasted time

They say I'm "too hard to figure out"
I'm "too hard to sleep with"
too much this
too much that
So maybe if I change
I can be Miss Perfect


In the end...
I just want to be loved...



everyone does.
Inspired by me, boys, other girls, life, frustration

and
"Poison" Alice Cooper
"I Know What Boys Like" The Waitresses
"Cold Hearted *****" Jet
"Little Red Corvette" Prince
"Heartless" Kanye West
"Break Your Heart" Taio Cruz ft. Ludacris
"All the Right Places" One Republic
"Headstrong" Trapt
"Walk this Way" Aerosmith
"Through with love" Marilyn Monroe
"I'm not okay" My Chemical Romance

Copyright © 2010 Jacqueline Ivascu
Step forward instead of backward
Lift up instead of put down
Help instead of hurt

Step forward

Love instead of hate
Inspire instead of limit
Kindness instead of harshness

Step forward

Integrity instead of corruption
Lightness instead of darkness
Hope instead of despair

Step forward

Laughter instead of tears
Creativity instead of bland
Dancing instead of sitting

Step forward

Tolerance instead of none
Positivity instead of negativity
Possible instead of impossible

Step forward
Step forward instead of backwards
Lift up instead of put down
Help instead of hurt
Accept instead of rejection
Love instead of hate
Inspire instead of limit
Kindness instead of harshness
Integrity instead of corruption
Lightness instead of darkness
Calm instead of upset
Hope instead of despair
Laughter instead of tears
Creativity instead of bland
Dancing instead of sitting
Tolerance instead of none
Positivity instead of negativity
Possible instead of impossible
Walk with the light
Avoid darkness
Believe
Light up the world

Step forward
Step forward instead of backward
Lift up instead of put down
Help instead of hurt
Love instead of hate
Inspire instead of limit
Kindness instead of harshness
Integrity instead of corruption
Lightness instead of darkness
Hope instead of despair
Laughter instead of tears
Creativity instead of bland
Dancing instead of sitting
Tolerance instead of none
Positivity instead of negativity
Possible instead of impossible
Hope instead of despair
Step forward
Step forward instead of backward
Lift up instead of put down
Help instead of hurt
Love instead of hate
Inspire instead of limit
Kindness instead of harshness
Integrity instead of corruption
Lightness instead of darkness
Hope instead of despair
Laughter instead of tears
Creativity instead of bland
Dancing instead of sitting
Tolerance instead of none
Positivity instead of negativity
Possible instead of impossible
Step forward
You came to me as a stranger
Settled in my heart as a friend
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

The contact was close enough for me
Not close enough for you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You let your heart bleed out with love
I didn't know how to cure you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I wanted a love as passionate as yours was for me
But couldn't find it in you no matter how hard I tried yet
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You wouldn't talk to me because it hurt too much
I had no idea how to reverse the evil spell of love but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I was desperate to see you again
Hear your voice
See your face
Listen to our hearts beating
Looking out at the stars
Longing to be a part of them
Wondering why your heart had chosen me
Wondering why mine hadn't chosen you

There are a lot of things I have done wrong
But doing you wrong was what hurt me the most
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

So I wrote you a letter, explaining why love wasn't in me
Explaining why I could not love you
Why I was broken,
Why I may forever be in pieces
And why no matter how hard you tried to put me back together
You may never succeed to be something else but a friend
Because I did not know how to love myself enough
To let someone else love me

I do not have an excuse for what I have done
And I will never be able to change things
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You drove to my house, knocked on my door
And I knew what you had come here to say
I had seen the glimmer in your eyes
Of hope and courage, the kind a man has to have
To come and pour his heart out to the girl he loves
But I never let you say it.
I hurt you deeper than a bullet wound,
Because I never let the words pour out of your mouth
No the way words are pouring out of me now
Ashamed and guilty for writing down what I had to say
But being too much of a coward to say it out loud
And you had this courage, and I refused to acknowledge it,
Instead leaving you on the porch,
Running away from all the love you had to give me

Please know that I long for it
Please know that I regret it every day
Please know that after months, I still think about you
Please know that I'm sorry for letting you down
Please know that you are my best friend
Please know that I still love you more than I thought I could love someone
Please know that this love is deeper than friendship and deeper than love
Please know that I never knew this kind of feeling existed
Please know that I hurt everyday
Please know that I probably wouldn't be able to change my reaction
Please know that you surprised me
Please know that you scared me
Please know that I'm not used to love
Please know that I love you
Please know that I am not in love with you
Please know that I never wanted to hurt you
Please know all the things I've been meaning to tell you
Please know that I wish you knew I wrote this poem

Please know that I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away
eequivocal Mar 2014
Tell my father i never learned to take apart an engine.

i dismantled limbs instead.

Tell him i tried to watch the game but fell asleep.

i went to bat for him instead.

Tell him i scoffed at the neighbor who asked to play catch.

i tossed your heart around instead.

Tell him i dated a boy before i was married.

i kissed him hard instead.

Tell him i cannot tell a drill from a driver.

i needled Phillip into my skin instead.

Tell him i struggle with simple winsors.

i knotted ties around my doorknob instead.

Tell him i burned down the house building a fire.

i lit cigarettes instead.

Tell him i shake hands like a fish.

i shook margaritas instead.

Tell him i hate buckling my seat belt.

i risked diving through the glass instead

Tell him I refused to use training wheels on my bike.

i fell off time and time again instead.

Tell my father i always did my best to get to heaven.

he left me in the worst of hell instead.
(sorry dad)
(still love you)
(not about my own father)
white hot anger Jun 2016
you loved saying you love me

in the lonely mornings, when we were hundreds of miles away; in the rare, rare mornings when we were mere inches away - you’d say “i love you” instead of “good morning”, instead of “how’d you sleep”, instead of “let’s get breakfast”, and it felt natural, and i can’t say either anymore, and my friends think it was you who made me this rude but i see nothing casual in any word you’ve ever used

in the lonely evenings, when we were at different parties at different parts of the country; in the extremely rare evenings when we were watching a movie in my bed or in your bed - you’d say “i love you” instead of “try not to drink too much”, instead of “this movie is great”, instead of “i’m sleepy, good night”, and it felt so ******* natural, and i can’t say either anymore

you betrayed me, you ****** me over, lured me into trusting you so that now i can’t trust the barista at the coffee house i visit when they tell me the price of my drink

i used to be eloquent and i used to tell everyone what was on my mind and i used to never stop talking, now i shrug, i sigh, i walk past people because why would i say hello when it meant i love you coming from you, and i can’t love anymore, and saying hello would make me a liar and i don’t want to hurt people the way you hurt me

and i betrayed you, i ****** you over, lured you into trusting me so that now you probably can’t say you love your friends in fear they would want something more too

in those evenings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “i want to take off your clothes”, instead of “never leave me alone”, instead of “my body needs your body more than oxygen”, and i felt guilty as hell, because it sounded innocent but i have always been a monster, slick, sneaky, waiting to attack, and i don’t say any of these anymore, i just take what i want from people, and my friends think it was you who made me fear expressing my emotions but i no longer have such

in those mornings, i’d say “i love you” instead of “please kiss me”, instead of “i already miss you”, instead of “i can’t stop thinking about you”, and i felt  disgusting as hell, and i don’t say any of these anymore

i hated saying i love you
You came to me as a stranger
Settled in my heart as a friend
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

The contact was close enough for me
Not close enough for you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You let your heart bleed out with love
I didn't know how to cure you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I wanted a love as passionate as yours was for me
But couldn't find it in you no matter how hard I tried yet
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You wouldn't talk to me because it hurt too much
I had no idea how to reverse the evil spell of love but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I was desperate to see you again
Hear your voice
See your face
Listen to our hearts beating
Looking out at the stars
Longing to be a part of them
Wondering why your heart had chosen me
Wondering why mine hadn't chosen you

There are a lot of things I have done wrong
But doing you wrong was what hurt me the most
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

So I wrote you a letter, explaining why love wasn't in me
Explaining why I could not love you
Why I was broken,
Why I may forever be in pieces
And why no matter how hard you tried to put me back together
You may never succeed to be something else but a friend
Because I did not know how to love myself enough
To let someone else love me

I do not have an excuse for what I have done
And I will never be able to change things
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You drove to my house, knocked on my door
And I knew what you had come here to say
I had seen the glimmer in your eyes
Of hope and courage, the kind a man has to have
To come and pour his heart out to the girl he loves
But I never let you say it.
I hurt you deeper than a bullet wound,
Because I never let the words pour out of your mouth
No the way words are pouring out of me now
Ashamed and guilty for writing down what I had to say
But being too much of a coward to say it out loud
And you had this courage, and I refused to acknowledge it,
Instead leaving you on the porch,
Running away from all the love you had to give me

Please know that I long for it
Please know that I regret it every day
Please know that after months, I still think about you
Please know that I'm sorry for letting you down
Please know that you are my best friend
Please know that I still love you more than I thought I could love someone
Please know that this love is deeper than friendship and deeper than love
Please know that I never knew this kind of feeling existed
Please know that I hurt everyday
Please know that I probably wouldn't be able to change my reaction
Please know that you surprised me
Please know that you scared me
Please know that I'm not used to love
Please know that I love you
Please know that I am not in love with you
Please know that I never wanted to hurt you
Please know all the things I've been meaning to tell you
Please know that I wish you knew I wrote this poem

Please know that I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away
Terry O'Leary Dec 2015
1.        Eugene And the Pumpkin Pie

Wee Eugene's but a lonely boy
(arrayed in cap and corduroy),
has Jungle Jim (a ragged toy)
and fancied Friends his only joy.

Well, Jim appears from time to time
behind a pane of pantomime,
a charmed mirage, or dream sublime
inside a Cuckoo's nursery rhyme.

Still Eugene always finds a way
(while riding on his magic Sleigh)
to meet with Jim somewhere halfway
between the Moon and Yesterday.

When Jim brought Eu to Timbuktu
to kiss the Queen (a Kangaroo)
and tweak her tail (bright shiny blue),
Eu sneezed instead “achoo, achoo”.  

The baby Roo, surprised, awoke
and thought 'twas but a funny joke
beholding Eugene cough and choke...
well, sounding like old Froggy's croak.

Said Jim to Roo "Eu has a cold,
we mustn't laugh, we mustn't scold
instead we'll let the tale unfold
and frolic in the marigold".

With runny eyes and mighty sniffle
Eu could hardly get a whiffle,
climbed a hill to reach the cliffle ,
searched the sea for ship or skiffle.

Behind the breeze, some sloops were seen,
a grand delight that pleased Eugene,
and Jim, and Roo, and yes, the Queen;
they then set sail for Halloween.

Above the sea, below the sky
they saw a skinny Scarecrow fly -
within its beak (one couldn't deny),
surprise, surprise, a Pumpkin Pie!

The Scarecrow wore a veil and shawl
so really couldn't see at all
and swooped too near the sunny ball,
got grilled and let the pastry fall,

which bounced upon the waves below,
then slid beneath the undertow.
"Why did it fall, where did it go?"
cried Eugene with a gasp of woe.

Roo wondered would it reappear
(for where it went was certainly queer),
but where it went became quite clear
to Eu and Jim while standing near

the Queen who, hungry, hopped awhile
observing Crunch the Crocodile
come floating down the river Nil
with belly full and toothy smile.

2.        Eugene and the Wolverine

Within the sandbox played Eugene,
as well, his little friend named Dean,
a simple-minded Wolverine.

But yesterday was Halloween
when they collected sweets unseen,
all stuffed inside a sad Sardine.

And making sure their hands were clean,
they shared a snack - a tangerine,
a cantaloupe and big fat bean.

But they forgot the Sandbox Queen
whose hungry name was sweet Pauline -
with no invite she felt so mean
and woke the naughty Sand Machine.

Sand trickled in their fine cuisine
which scratched their gums and set the scene
to brush their teeth and in between.

Poor Dean was sad he hadn’t seen
the sandy specks with sparkly sheen,
all hidden like a submarine.

Eu sold his cookie magazine
And bought a brand new limousine
To flee the naughty Sand Machine.

Next time their food they’ll try to screen
from something hard and unforeseen
while tapping on a tambourine
to sooth the hungry Sandbox Queen
and trick the naughty Sand Machine.


3.        Eugene and Antoine

Eugene awoke and looked upon
his Mirror in the morning Dawn.
He saw himself and stopped to yawn
then saw instead his friend Antoine.

Well Antoine said ‘come in, come on
I’ll whisk you with this Magic Wand
then we can journey to the Pond
and sail astride the Silver Swan’.

And once inside the Looking Glass
amazing conquests came to pass
before the midday hourglass
released its sands upon the grass.

Well, first they sought and found the Pond
and hypnotized the Silver Swan
to sail them to the edge beyond,
to Charles, the Froggy Vagabond.

Well Charles was said to be ‘a King’
(whose Crown was hanging from a String)
while hopping with a golden Ring
just waiting for a Kiss in Spring.

Now Antoine said he’d kiss ‘the King’,
(or better said, ‘the Froggy Thing’)
but Eu refused to do such thing
unless the Frog removed the Ring.

The Ring transfixed poor Froggy’s Nose
instead of round his tiny Toes
to keep away the Midnight Crows
(as far as anybody knows).

When Froggy’s Nose was finally free
there was a sudden kissing spree
with Ant and Eu (and Swan made three)
to fix old Froggy’s Destiny.

The Rest is rather imprecise.
As to the trio’s Sacrifice,
the facts alone should now suffice -
the Pond and Froggy turned to ice!

And Swan became a Toucan Bird,
the strangest thing I ever heard,
instead of chirp she only purred
and even then she sometimes slurred.

Though Charles the Frog was mighty cold,
upon the Pond he stiffly strolled
behind the The Ring that slowly rolled
in search of one more nose to hold.

Well, Eu watched Antoine set the Pace
when beating Toucan in the Race
to seek and find a warmer Space
in front of Mother’s Fireplace.

So Antoine waved his charmed Baton
and whisked Eu back to Mum’s Salon -
But looking back, Eu’s friend was yon
behind the silvered Amazon.


4.            Eugene and the Milky Way

Eugene stayed in to play today
inside his secret hideaway;
he laughed and ate a Milky Way
with little fear of tooth decay.

But Dean, his friend, was far away
just driving in a Chevrolet
and didn't wish to disobey
so hurried home with no delay.

What took so long, I couldn't say
but Dean came late, in disarray -
he'd lost, alas, the Milky Way
that he had hidden Yesterday.

When asked, Eugene led Dean astray
about the missing Milky Way,
blamed Pauline in her negligee
who'd fed her little Popinjay.

Then Dean said sadly, in dismay,
"It was a gift for your birthday".
Well Eu felt bad, no longer gay
and offered Dean ice cream frappé.

Soon afterwards they romped in hay
beside the forest near the bay;
but when the sky turned somewhat gray
they flew back home to hide away.

At home, with all his toys at play,
Eugene confessed to Dean, to say
"Dear Dean, look here, I can't betray,
I ate the sweet, it made my day."

Said Dean, "I knew it anyway,
I saw the traces straightaway,
your chocolate lips, the giveaway;
but we're best friends, so that's OK."


5.         Eugene and the Gold Doubloon

Eugene took his nap at noon
and dreamt about Loraine the Loon
reclining in the long Lagoon
adorned in birdie pantaloons.

Then Eu suggested to the Loon
“Let’s pay a visit to the Dune
we’ll search and seek and very soon
we’ll find a shiny Gold Doubloon.”

But naughty Sand Machine typhoons
arrived and whisked them to the Moon
and left the playmate pals marooned
where gold of pirate ships was strewn.

Pale moonbeams played a mystic tune,
and touching on a magic rune,
Wee Eu, he found a pink harpoon
and in his hand a Gold Doubloon.

Instead of sitting on cocoons,
Loraine, she hatched the Gold Doubloon
when suddenly popped a blue Balloon
revealing Royce the red Raccoon.

Well Eu, awaking from his swoon,
was sad he’d lost the Gold Doubloon.
Instead he found a Macaroon
and munched and munched all afternoon.


6.        Eugene and the Dragonfly

When Eugene climbed a mountain high
and wandered down a dale nearby,
he came upon Doug Dragonfly
asleep beside a Tiger’s eye.

Soon Eu was thinking “Now’s the time
to take a rest from my long climb
and waken Doug to tell him I’m
about to pick a bunch of thyme”.

But Doug was quite a grumpy guy
when woken from his dream whereby
he’s dancing with a Butterfly
in magic realms that mystify.

So Doug complained “My dream's now gone
of dancing to the carillon
with Butterflies upon the lawn,
which won’t come back until I yawn.”

Then Eugene said “Well I know what!
A mug of tea and hazelnuts
served with a chocolate Buttercup
will surely help to cheer you up!”

Thereafter, picking tufts of thyme,
they heard the distant bluebells chime
and watched the Fairies pantomime
and dance till Eugene’s suppertime.


7.        Eugene and the Eskimo

Not so very long ago,
a bit before the morning’s glow,
Wee Eugene met an Eskimo
while trudging through the windblown snow.

Bedecked in boots and winter fur,
the Eskimo said “I’m Jack Spur.
Or call me Jack if you prefer,
it might be somewhat easier.”

Soon Jack was passing by to say
“Well could you help me find my way
back through the door to Yesterday,
to where I left my silver Sleigh?”

So Eugene said “I’ll come along,
but listen, hear the breakfast gong,
my Mama’s made the porridge strong
and chocolate milk, if I’m not wrong.”

So, filled with porridge to the brim
and feeling vigor, full of vim,
Wee Eu called Jack and said to him
“Well now we’ll travel on a whim.”

While seeking Yesterday and more
they searched an unseen corridor.
Somewhere behind the mirrored door
was Yesterday, the day before!

Without a fear they slid within,
with Jackie playing violin.
And Moon above was seen to grin
’cause Jackie’s tune was kind of thin.

Though searching long to find the Sleigh
they heard instead an echo stray
quite sounding like the Donkey’s bray,
the Donkey’s bray of Yesterday.

The Donkey’d left to find some food -
well, something fresh and not yet chewed
by Fran the Cow that always mooed
(and sometimes burped when she was rude).

The Sleigh was at the Donkey’s back
and nowhere’s near the railway track,
so Jack took Eugene piggyback,
just stopping once to eat a snack.

The Donkey heard the munch of chips
and wondered if his hungry lips
would ever taste some bacon strips
before the midnight Moon Eclipse.

Well Fran and Donkey, unforeseen,
found Jack at lunch with Wee Eugene
and shared a mighty fine cuisine,
provided by the Sandbox Queen.

Well ,Franny chewed her little cud
and Donkey ate a shiny spud,
and Jacky said “Now we must scud
before the coming springtime flood".

So Jack jumped back upon his Sleigh,
the Donkey droned a farewell bray,
(and Franny burped, need I to say?)
while Eu returned from Yesterday,
surprised to hear his Mother say
“Well, now it’s time for you to play!”


8.        Eugene and the Christmas Tree

Eugene awoke on Christmas morn
to find the Christmas Tree'd been shorn
and presents strewn around, forlorn,
midst bows and tinselled paper torn.

So blowing on his little Horn,
Eu called Eunice, the Unicorn.
The duo flew away airborne
(straped to Eu's side his Sword, a Thorn).

Escaping back to Yesterday,
in search of thyme and Santa's Sleigh,
Eu sought to brave the grinchy Fay,
reclaim the joy of Christmas Day .

Then Eunice and the Reindeer Corps
chased fey Fay to a sandy Shore
where Santa banned forevermore
the Fay to mop and scrub the floor.

Then Santa iced the windowpane
(thus waking Eu from dreams again),
left gifts arrayed, and candy cane,
beneath a Tree with candled mane.

— The End —