I think my mom's a homophobe
I think this because she said broken truths when I told her about homecoming
I told her about the girl with soft lips and small hands that fit perfectly with mine
But I just called her Haley

I had new words she told me
They suspiciously matched my schools words
Freak abomination loser
I now wonder if they were talking on the sidelines

I know
I'm supposed to love my mom
But do I still have to
If she hated me first?

She praised the all loving god onto me
Telling me his love was a lie
And I was going with the sinners
To the place where they drink fire *****

I think my mom's a homophobe
I text my religious cousin
Does God love everyone
Undoubtedly because you are perfect to Him

Then why does my mom hate me?
She made me get on my knees and pray
Pray a prayer I hope goes unanswered
By those who I think aren't even there

I think my mom's a homophobe
I know I'm supposed to love my mother
But how can I
If I don't even know how to love myself?

Every
What is that
You're such a waste
It can be cured

Like a snake on the asphalt basking in the hate
Until the asphalt is the road and I am run over by
Self pity. Self Hatrid. Self Absorbed.

Yes **** the terrorists
**** the rapists
**** the robbers
and the muggers

**** them all
Because who I love
Is more important
Me, I'm in dire need of your opinion

Mirrors don't line my eyes up anymore
I think they forgot where to put them
Because I forgot
Where to look

Looking only at the negative
Going on suicide boards
Instead of
Love boards

Why am I the one being subjected to evil
When I am only trying to love
Being hated for only
Loving

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who is the prettiest of them all
My lover is the one I see
Her soft lips and small hands

I think my moms a homophobe
And I don't know how to breath anymore

A dark night
without any moonlight
No street lamps that shine bright
Only nothingness,

A will to fight, yeah..
The taste of judgement
This feeling you're different
You'll never fit in.

Acceptance,
It's been the only thing you've
Ever wanted,
At arms length
But even then you barely grasp it.

These thoughts
come into your head
They starting talking,
Making you wonder.
Making you doubtful,
Making it hurt more
Making it hurt more

Nobody wants this darkness
Nobody wants this loneliness
Hopelessness,
cry to sleep
Still you're restless
Your chest it hurts
when your breathing,
is out of control.
You're gasping!

Like you're drowning in tears,
Everytime you know it's coming
You feel a little bit of fear,
Coz you know
even tho it makes you feel good
Just a little,
to let it all go.
That darkness and those voices
Don't ever let go.

It happens with friends and family
Maybe you walk by some people who laugh and you wonder what's funny..
Feel a little uncomfortable,
Sooo,
you keep yourself in this little bubble.
Thinking if you don't let anyone near,
You'll never have to fear,
The judgment,
gossip,
The hatrid
nonsense,
The critics.
The ones that are plastic
The back stabbers
The users, abusers
Accusers of nothing
The. ...
STOP IT!!!

We're talking to the voices now,
Didn't you know?
This whole poem was the conversation
We all have alone..

Coz even when it's your bestfriend
or family members
That little voice in your head makes
You wonder the stupidest things.

It's been 600 days,
since I've seen your face.
Don't really know what words to say
If I ask how you been,
you'll say ok.
Even tho that's a lie
that's over played.
Out of date
It doesn't matter either way,
it's what you say...

I try to make a sentence,
Instead I mumble nonsense
Now I'm feeling anxious
We used to be bestfriends,

Used to be...

We decide to stop,
frequently.
I'm mad at you
or
you're mad at me.

Used to be...

We could say anything freely
without any worry
of judgement or resentment
Now it's just alot of pretending.

Used to be...

You and me
We'd do anything
And everything together
Didn't matter when
Didn't matter who was there,

We were friends.

Like REALLY friends!

We just wanted each others company
Each others help with anything..

We were truly innocent..
Then both of us,
Learned of hatrid,
We became vindictive
no more trust to give

Yeah we'll say
we're best friends
That's the image
everyones used too,

Picture frames from holidays and birthdays... and other occasions...
You're in all of them
I'm in all of it..

How'd the coin ever flip?

Tell me was it our fault
It all crumbled down to bits?

Maybe,
Or it could be
Maybe
Or it should be
Maybe

It would all be,

Alright
If we learned to talk, not fight..

Let our emotions out
Waterfalls might come crashing down

But I'd be proud!

To say I'm sorry out loud,

if it meant I'd keep you around..

How'd it happened?
You'd never imagine
Chaos and madness
Secrets in the ad libs
Secret is the message
Secret is the plot
Secrets are kept
death tolls are not
Swept in a place left there to rot
The warning was given
Pray for his risen
The lands ain't forgiving
In the horizon expulsions
Corruption slave ships
Destruction, restrictions
The victims all siblings resembling
In image different in pigment
your hatrid resent it,
think with a lesser aggression stop the oppression this **** is depressing
so many lives lost but what is the message
Your life, how was it affected?
Tell me, how is it infected?
we come from different perspectives
What? You can't accept it.

Soo um,
that makes killing ok then?
Are you even human?
Do you have any feelings?

I'ma just assume you're a demon
Cause only a Satan spawn could think that wrong is right and right is wrong,
You're only seeing where you come from and still you judge
spewing things like
"Enough's-enough's
thank God for our Presidents they've  done so much.."
Open up your eyes I think that they're shut.
A life is a life it doesn't matter
"But"
But
but, nothing
a life is a life
we all have family.

They're whispering saying things
I shouldn't think filling my head,
with hatrid!
I feel depressed, I can not manage this,
I feel the quits, they're sneaking up
I hear the cricks I hear the creaks,
I feel defeat
I'm panicking so this is it
I failed to live.
I'm giving up
I'm giving in
I don't deserve to live like this,
So what it'll be.
A knotted rope
Or a slit wrist...

Will I finally get my rest
Who deserves all of this?
At least in death,
we have, a restful guess..

It's depressing
to live in a world that's broken
and infected with so much hatrid