I shouldn't be here.

Now let me explain.

You're probably thinking I'm going insane saying I shouldn't be here, like that's ok.
But the truth to it is I shouldn't be here living like this
I shouldn't be here slaving for change
I shouldn't be here stressing in pain
I shouldn't be here worried of troubles
That won't even happen until a further tomorrow.
I shouldn't be here it's really plain and simple
I shouldn't be here surrounded by this evil
I shouldn't be here without faith and hope
Cause the second I coward, it's all down road.
I shouldn't be here climbing this ***** without any help, no tools, not even a rope.
I shouldn't be here living like this,
trying to evolve while feeling like ****.

They say evolution and creation are the reason for life, but I haven't evolved, and my thoughts don't create nothing nice.

I shouldn't be here doubting myself
I shouldn't be here comparing my wealth
The devils comparison wrapped in embarrassment
I'll act like they're better just cause they have nicer things
I shouldn't be here accepting this realm
I shouldn't be here,

so i wish you farewell.

God, the world's been trying to break me down,
I've tried my best to hold on to solid ground
They don't want me to figure out all the things I should've learned by now

Walking by blindly while trying to find me,

eyes glued to the sidewalk
scared they might judge me, if I look up

what might I see?

people laughing and taunting, pointing their fingers like haha I'm nothing,

I get it. I'm starving for attention, aimlessly.
Walking in wrong directions
Sometimes,
I wonder, do I really deserve this?

I'm hurting this journey is urging for drug use,
exposing my young youth to dangerous bad culture.
I'm smelling the sulfur
too embarrassed to approach you
Now I see the rippling effect of my actions,
everyone thinking that im nothing but a trash bin.

Other day, I texted my female friend
Then she made a post.

"I'm sorry that I ghost you, but I stay loyal,"

It was all based on one mistake that I made when I left my queen for a peasant.
So what?
Now, I can't even send a message without someone thinking there's ****** intentions.

It's a shame when they jump to conclusions and make wrongful assumptions..

This is my life now so **** it!

I'm sorry for cursing God
but I lose my patience.
never had room for hatred
they say you made me for greatness to raise the spirits and change the currents, but currently,
I've been feeling helpless
acting selfish,

downing alcoholic poison just to numb myself and silence the voices!


I've run out of choices!

MY TOES ARE OVER THE EDGE WAITING FOR ME TO UH,

NOO!!!

This isn't the answer,

My conscious has spoken!

A second too late,

I've already fallen.

If I had a choice what my life would be before the first time I walk on feet I'd probably still make the wrong decision a curse to live without a vision.

I'm broken,
all these words left unspoken
inside my mind,
commotion all the time
The motion that they ride
To destroy what is mine
Self sabotage, but it's fine

enjoying my life like beer,
the sweetness of decorous words
A Hecklers curse.

spread rumors among birds,

(Chirp chirp)

Learned to handle pressure just to rise above herds,

I don't care what you heard
I'm a man on the verge
Losing all that I've earned,
Cruising fast down the road
Hit a bump, then I swerved
But I won't lose control.

That's what I thought, (right)
Now I'm burned in a urn,

If I crash,
you must know..

I hit a wall and relapsed,
so I'm back with the smoke.

I hit a wall, too relaxed
enjoying what I broke.

I hit a wall and then collapsed
I'm lying on this road.

Everything around me feels bitter and cold.
No better than I was at 20 years old

the older I grow,
the harder it is.
to let things go,

I'm reaching for my soul,
I'm looking at my goals
I'm thinking of my fam
I'm trying to watch them grow,

Instead, im bleeding out slow gasoline on the asphalt feeling weak, won't move, can't talk,
hear the beat of my heart stop
as the spark starts.

I have a different mindset.
I've learned to deal with regrets.
I've learned to heal and breathe in exhaling air with my stress,
just another process,
just another small step
leading to my success..

I would follow prophets
Not understand the message
Even when I doubted,
I was blessed and gifted
Now that I am rising,
I hope the rest get lifted
Look down like ah ****
I hope that Y'all don't miss this