Fear.
It haunts me in my most private moments.
To wonder and fight the thoughts of my un-honest parents.
The thoughts creep in and I ponder my brothers.
Will they know the things I've done for them? Or all the nights I've cried?
The fights I fought and lies I told, mommy is just fine.
The questions asked by young helpless hearts, as I soothed them through the night.
Daddy does love mommy and mommy is just fine.
They don't mean the things they yell, I stutter out of my mouth.
Hiding in their bedroom, with the TV turned to loud.
I run to stop the fighting, for the sake of helpless hearts.
Daddy won't end his life and mommy is just fine.
I ponder all the days where it was just me and them, I longed to leave that fortess, that god-forsaken hell.
I lay in bed at night, young helpless hearts sleeping sound.
They do not know the evil that lives in their lives.
It flows through their veins just like it does mine.
I swear daddy loves us and mommy is just fine.
I never tell them the stories that keep me up all night.
That daddy is not the same and mommy commits the crimes.

I prayed, dear Lord help us, but silence is all there was.
I sang in the choir and hoped some good would come.
I found nothing but hypocrisy, with a smile painted on my face.
The second we left the church corridor, they had everything but grace.
The torment and the lies, the woman I despised. The man I used to praise, now crying at his knees.
But when his eyes left the ground, a blackness filled his soul.
There's nothing left of daddy when his anger takes control.
I'm screaming in my head as I sit in the closet.
They send the children looking, thinking surely I've lost it.
How could I not? I've spent so many years protecting the young ones you turn against me.
Convincing them I'm the enemy.
I rocked them to sleep, I sang their lullabies, I took care of your sheep as our shepherd stood by.
You left us in the darkness, you didn't even care. Many days I just got by, with only enough for them to eat.
We had little to nothing as you walked on priviledge feet.