Someday I found myself
with a flood of emotion
I found myself thinking I'm not enough,
I found myself thinking I can't do anything right
I found my head pounding, not a headache
I found my head with a train horn going off inside
I found myself with the feeling of the sound pulsating in my skull, resonating with bone

I found myself in a isolated room
I  found myself in a secluded corner
I found my knees to my chest on the floor
I found my face tear streaked
I found my body to seized up to wipe them away
I found myself too tired to sob

I found myself sitting
I found myself thinking
Thinking of writing the note
The single note that always I found myself too afraid to write
I found myself thinking of a quicker way
I found myself thinking of the shortcut

I found myself crying until my body gave up
I found my body stopping itself
I found my head resting against the wall
I found myself looking at the ceiling
I found myself thinking at a million miles an hour
I found my thoughts of why

I found my thoughts of why,
in all the universe, all that is or may be holy or divine, why?
Why I was put on this earth?
Why I was here?
I found myself with my thoughts
I found myself breaking down
Breaking down, into a pile of uselessness
Breaking down, into a pile of helplessness

I found myself disappearing
I found myself falling
I found myself fall, heavily, to sleep, empty

Through the nights
of alchemy
and the religion
of your touch
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the eyes of those who seek
for fame or infamy
that climb the ladder
for trust and security
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the rustling of leaves
that heralds your approach
and the sun that turns
its gold to the storm
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the haze of city lights
that silence the moon and stars
and the sleep of the streets
abandoned by foot and car
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the vast abandon
of the pleasure dens and bars
that sell relief and ecstacy
to the dusted and the ******
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the *** of angels
that call forgiveness after saints
Through the empty street
which shares your name
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the passing of time
to the breadth of now,
and the passing of the babe
from mother to sow
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the sacred and profane
and the knife of your beauty
upon this honest name
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

Through the slavery of man
and the freedom of nations
I found myself perverted
I found myself free.

I found myself.