Every spring I clean my house, always hoping for a certain guest to arrive. I throw away all the junk I can find, then I think about all the good and bad times. I scrub the floors, shampoo the carpets, then give lots of good stuff to a charity. I wash the windows, mow the lawn, then pull the weeds around the apple trees. When I finish my cleaning, I sit in a chair. Then I open the good book, and meditate on the words that are there. I do this every year hoping he will come, of course he is welcome through out the year. But no matter how hard I look, he never comes. As the years went by, I became old. Time had taken it's toll on my body. I've started getting sick more and the weather worn my skin. As I'm laying in a hospital bed, waiting to die, a Chaplin walks into my room and I begin to cry. I tell him all about my life, and ask what I did wrong? He didn't say a word, but instead sat quietly next to my bed.

Before my death had finally come, I opened up my eyes. And the man I thought was a Chaplin, was Jesus in disguise. He thanked me for giving him such a good home. But as he said this, I began to get mad. "How can you say I gave you such a good home, when you never bothered to come over and say hi? I cleaned my house every spring and praised your holy name. Now you show up in my life, right before I die". "You will never know the joy I felt, watching your entire life, weather you know it or not, I've always been there. I've seen you clean your house and mow your lawn, and I've seen you read your Bible, always with such care". "Why didn't you show yourself, so I knew that you were there? I always waited patiently, for the love you like to share". "My brother, if I showed myself to you, then you would stop, you would stop cleaning and your house would be a mess. You would stop mowing your lawn, and your weeds would take control, my brother, this is the truth, and the truth you must confess". "What did I do wrong my Lord, so I couldn't see your truth?" "O' yee of little faith, no human is perfect, you were just so wrapped up with the material world, that you couldn't see the spiritual one. You wanted a man to live with you, your entire life. You waited and waited for him to show up, and he never did. Early in your life the holy spirit found a home inside your house. My brother, you did nothing wrong, you loved me and looked for me just like the father looked for his prodigal son or how the Shepard looked for his lost sheep. But my brother, It's not your responsibility to be the father or the Shepard, it is mine. You did nothing wrong my brother, you lived a good life and now it's time my brother goes home and my lost sheep returns to the herd". As Jesus spoke those words my old age had settled in. After I told him I loved him dearly, I closed my eyes and died.

The beepers and buzzers had began to off and the nurses and doctors had all come running in. They covered the old mans face with a sheet and a nurse asked the Chaplin if he died peacefully? The Chaplin looked at the nurse and thought for a minute before he said... "I don't know..." The nurse was shocked and said to the Chaplin. "What do you mean you don't know?" The Chaplin who was still quite puzzled commented. "He died without pain, but I believe he was also quite delusional. He was caring on a conversation with me but it wasn't me he was talking too. I sat here and held his hand so he knew I was here but something odd happened and I could not control my body. I was sitting here watching the old man die and the conversation he was having, was with someone else. Someone or something took control of my body and returned his conversation. I could not hear the conversation I only watched it happen. So either the old man was delusional or something spiritual just happened here." The nurse thought for a moment and said very bluntly. "Chaplin I know your a man of God, but I really think you should see a shrink!" Then the nurse turned and left the room leaving the Chaplin to stare at the old mans corpse. The Chaplin did go and see a religious counselor. A year later he believed he was the one having delusions, probably from working so hard.

Captured in the psych ward part 9




Ron was having a great time with his grandson, going to Philip island to see
The fairy penguins and going to the Melbourne zoo and also having a lot of
Fun with Dan's son bill, and Ron was having a lot of fun, but as he will soon
Know, that, the HDU is changing, the only two remaining members are Pete
And patty roe, because the others were released and a few went to IVU, that
*** robert, cause he had a few outbursts, and when Billy's dad David came
To pick him up, Ron thanked him, for letting him spend some time with his
Grandkids, and then Ron had one more sleep to go before he went back to
Work so he treated himself to a gamble at the casino, and, man Ron, who hardly
Goes to the casino at all, won $12-000 and went home loaded, and
He was ever so hsppy, and bought himself a 2 litre bottle of coke, to relax and
Watch the TV, and the show he watched was parenthoodm because his favourite
Happy days character was, Richie cunningham and he looked like a real ******
Drongo as he was drinking his coca cola, and it made him tired, and again he fell asleep
On the couch, and woke up at 6 am and got himself ready for work, shower, shave
And breakfast and then he went for a coffee at that cafe, where Fran and Dan worked,
And he ordered a cappuccino and a vanilla slice, and then went to the hospital to
Clock in, and then went to the HDU and the staff said that patty roe and Pete were the only two there, and Ron did his rounds, delivering the medication, and as he started to
Bring the medication, the security guards were bringing this man in, who had a ******
Episode when he through all his belongings outside the house, saying the most stupid
Delusions of all the time, thinking that all the men's kids in the old days were waiting
For him in party town up in the sky,,and his last voice which was just in his head was,
We are going to have plenty of fun with music and parties and alcohol and power for
You, man, tonight, you are like us, man, ok and the neighbours at first tried to calm him down and then this was weird so they called the cops and they took this man away
Even if he wanted to go to party town, and he screamed out, I wanna go to party town
But the police officer just ignored the crazy person in the back, ready to let this crazy
Person think he is in his imaginery world, and I am sure, this dude, is trying to get in the real world, and the other police officer said, how about we send him to Ron Cooper, you see
Ron will put him right, anyway he made it, and Ron sat down trying to understand what
Went on in his life, why would you think, there was a party town, and this bloke said,
First my name is Charlie Chaplin, you see good old Blimie Charlie, and Chaplin is my last name, and Ron said yeah, he is dead, what is your job, and Charlie said, I work at broadway
In New York, every night, I sang great broadway songs, and I was brilliant in silent movies
And Ron said, well old Blimie Charlie Chaplin we will keep you here, till you realise that
What you did was against the law, there is nothing wrong with believing your Charlie Chaplin, that is fine, but we are going to keep you here till we see the medication we put you
On, does what we want for the real you, Charlie had games with patty roe and Pete, and
They also argued with the doctors and nurses, saying, you fucken stupid ****, why
Don't you get me out, you see all my mate were waiting for me at party town, I don't want to be in here, this sounds so uncool. Mate, let me go,I want to go to fucken party town and I wanna do it right now and the nurses brought out the lunch and pete and patty and Charlie
Went to the table, and Charlie said, why the ****, are you stealing my lunch patty roe, and
Patty roe, said, I haven't touched ya ****** lunch, I wouldn't touch ya ****** lunch, so
Why don't ya ******* ya fucken funt, and then through the door came a ghost from Charlie's past, saying, to Charlie, that I am sorry I bullied you as a kid, and I am very sorry
Cause the truth is, I hated what they did to us back then, but we have to move on, do you know, why you are saying you are Charlie Chaplin, cause if this is a delusion, shut up turk,
Because,mi liked Charlie Chaplin, cause he started the future in all the old fogies, so buddy
I had to steal from you, so you can think, that your family, prefer the rich life, and Charlie
Said, but you do too, you see I wanna go to party town, cause my folks want me to be
A medical person, and Ron said, why don't all of you please shut the hell up, why don't you all shut the hell up, ******* ya ****, and Charlie went over to watch the TV and this young
16 year old girl started picking on him, and Chatlie said, why don't you ******* ya fucken
Stupid little ****, you are a stupid little baby, and the girl said, I am not a baby, I am a
Girl who arrested for disturbing the peace, and it looks like you want to help us, but
I want to get a fork slash your wrists, cause you see you Blimie Charlie Chaplin I
Want to **** ya, and I want to do it, to-****** night, and Charlie said, hey little teenager
I will **** ya tonight, you will suffer, and suffer ya shall, and Ron went over to Chatlie,
Well old Blimie Charlie old pal, this gal, is bad news, and you need to speak to her and
Say, stop, and you know that but, she ain't playing, but, Charlie told Ron that this girl
Needs the type of loving, that she should get, cause only nerds say things like I can't expect a free ride, but still be careful, old charles, hey and then Ron clocked off and went to the cafe and had an afternoon coffee and said to Fran, how was your day, and Fran said
It was great, and we made a lot of money in tips and how was your day Ron, I met Charlie
Chaplin and I tried to reform him as well, saying if you want to cope in the modern world
Chatlie, you need to stand up for yourself, even if you do like them, and care for their welfare, and I feel for him, but he needs understand the psych ward isn't the place and Dan
Said, what did Charlie do, and Ron said he through all his belongings out of his balcony in
His unit, and he needs a lot of support, and he needs strong medication and Ron went to the fish and Chips shop and bought fish and chips and watched TV all night, and fell asleep
On the couch


Sent from my iPad

Either peace or happiness,
let it enfold you

when I was a young man
I felt these things were
dumb, unsophisticated.
I had bad blood, a twisted
mind, a precarious
upbringing.

I was hard as granite, I
leered at the
sun.
I trusted no man and
especially no
woman.

I was living a hell in
small rooms, I broke
things, smashed things,
walked through glass,
cursed.
I challenged everything,
was continually being
evicted, jailed, in and
out of fights, in and out
of my mind.
women were something
to ***** and rail
at, I had no male
friends,

I changed jobs and
cities, I hated holidays,
babies, history,
newspapers, museums,
grandmothers,
marriage, movies,
spiders, garbagemen,
english accents,spain,
france,italy,walnuts and
the color
orange.
algebra angred me,
opera sickened me,
charlie chaplin was a
fake
and flowers were for
pansies.

peace and happiness to me
were signs of
inferiority,
tenants of the weak
and
addled
mind.

but as I went on with
my alley fights,
my suicidal years,
my passage through
any number of
women-it gradually
began to occur to
me
that I wasn't different

from the
others, I was the same,

they were all fulsome
with hatred,
glossed over with petty
grievances,
the men I fought in
alleys had hearts of stone.
everybody was nudging,
inching, cheating for
some insignificant
advantage,
the lie was the
weapon and the
plot was
empty,
darkness was the
dictator.

cautiously, I allowed
myself to feel good
at times.
I found moments of
peace in cheap
rooms
just staring at the
knobs of some
dresser
or listening to the
rain in the
dark.
the less I needed
the better I
felt.

maybe the other life had worn me
down.
I no longer found
glamour
in topping somebody
in conversation.
or in mounting the
body of some poor
drunken female
whose life had
slipped away into
sorrow.

I could never accept
life as it was,
i could never gobble
down all its
poisons
but there were parts,
tenuous magic parts
open for the
asking.

I re formulated
I don't know when,
date, time, all
that
but the change
occurred.
something in me
relaxed, smoothed
out.
i no longer had to
prove that I was a
man,

I didn't have to prove
anything.

I began to see things:
coffee cups lined up
behind a counter in a
cafe.
or a dog walking along
a sidewalk.
or the way the mouse
on my dresser top
stopped there
with its body,
its ears,
its nose,
it was fixed,
a bit of life
caught within itself
and its eyes looked
at me
and they were
beautiful.
then- it was
gone.

I began to feel good,
I began to feel good
in the worst situations
and there were plenty
of those.
like say, the boss
behind his desk,
he is going to have
to fire me.

I've missed too many
days.
he is dressed in a
suit, necktie, glasses,
he says, 'I am going
to have to let you go'

'it's all right' I tell
him.

He must do what he
must do, he has a
wife, a house, children,
expenses, most probably
a girlfriend.

I am sorry for him
he is caught.

I walk onto the blazing
sunshine.
the whole day is
mine
temporarily,
anyhow.

(the whole world is at the
throat of the world,
everybody feels angry,
short-changed, cheated,
everybody is despondent,
disillusioned)

I welcomed shots of
peace, tattered shards of
happiness.

I embraced that stuff
like the hottest number,
like high heels, *******,
singing,the
works.

(don't get me wrong,
there is such a thing as cockeyed optimism
that overlooks all
basic problems just for
the sake of
itself-
this is a shield and a
sickness.)

The knife got near my
throat again,
I almost turned on the
gas
again
but when the good
moments arrived
again
I didn't fight them off
like an alley
adversary.
I let them take me,
I luxuriated in them,
I made them welcome
home.
I even looked into
the mirror
once having thought
myself to be
ugly,
I now liked what
I saw, almost
handsome, yes,
a bit ripped and
ragged,
scares, lumps,
odd turns,
but all in all,
not too bad,
almost handsome,
better at least than
some of those movie
star faces
like the cheeks of
a baby's
****.

and finally I discovered
real feelings of
others,
unheralded,
like lately,
like this morning,
as I was leaving,
for the track,
i saw my wife in bed,
just the
shape of
her head there
(not forgetting
centuries of the living
and the dead and
the dying,
the pyramids,
Mozart dead
but his music still
there in the
room, weeds growing,
the earth turning,
the tote board waiting for
me)
I saw the shape of my
wife's head,
she so still,
I ached for her life,
just being there
under the
covers.

I kissed her in the
forehead,
got down the stairway,
got outside,
got into my marvelous
car,
fixed the seatbelt,
backed out the
drive.
feeling warm to
the fingertips,
down to my
foot on the gas
pedal,
I entered the world
once
more,
drove down the
hill
past the houses
full and empty
of
people,
I saw the mailman,
honked,
he waved
back
at me.