I have a painting of a purple-haired
kurt cobain hanging in
my bathroom so I can feel the
nostalgia of being a broken
head shadow
put in a
anechoic heart-shaped box
a dream split inside myself
halved and halved
again
like I’m living on a tiny
blue sun stuffed in a jar
filled with vinegar
shooting speedballs
in a lukewarm bubble
bath

It is the time of a paranoid season
We'll smile and laugh for your appeasement.
Hands over your ears to block out reason.
How dare you claim I've sworn to treason!
You are nameless word on every mouth.
When you speak, our eyes fly south.
And what the flying **** are you singing about?
Your quality's dimmed and now you simply shout.

I can hear your falsetto cracking.
Your clear, dim eyes boring. Your
Gravel voice, gargling black tar,
Speedballs shining in the whites
Of your nose.
Glancing my direction,
As if you didn't notice...

Clear your ******* throat,
And quit avoiding my face.
We all love your bitter ways.
We all smile at your irrelevancies (gun to head), but
You stress the importance of falsehood,
By laughing with the best of us the rest of us.

I can see right into your skull,
You don't make it difficult.
How dare you speak once
(And only once)
On such blasphemous shame.

Are you having trouble sleeping?
I laugh at the idea of you tossing and turning.
Is that why you're always drinking,
Does it help you to suppress thinking?

You are a person with no shadow, no outline
No nucleus, no carbon make-up.
Just fire.

You are a lost cause,
Burning.

And you've trained us to turn away when you scream.

We promised each other the world
As we clung to each other tightly,
Afraid that if we let go,
The other would crumble.

In the end,
I was the one who crumbled,
Not you.

Does five years mean nothing to you?
Five years,
Filled with crazy antics,
Bursts of laughter,
Tears from fears.

And now,
We are nothing.

I guess
I was the ******* in all of this.
Taking your insults
Like morsels of fulfillment.
Degrading me further and further,
But I took it all.
It was the only thing I knew how to.

I was forced away.
You moved on.
I stayed.
Still behind you, as always.
Waiting for the hurt to come,
But you left me.
And this is the most hurtful of all of the insults you've thrown at me.
I am nothing.

At least before,
I was something,
Someone worth thinking about to create spiteful ***** of words.
You threw insults like a game of baseball,
Pitching curveballs,
Speedballs,
Fastballs constantly,
Never stopping,
Inventing new ways to throw the baseball,
Each and everyone hitting me harder to the point that the bat did me no use anymore.
They just kept coming.
All I could do was stand and get hit,
Understand and take in everything you threw.
Harder,
Faster,
More
Each and every time.

Then others came around,
Rocking my world,
Showing me what love actually is,
Not all the **** you gave me,
I wouldn't let go.

Now I'm back.
I've caught up to you,
But you've turned your back to me,
And continued down your path.
Leaving me to stand alone at this fork in my road.

...
Guess I was the only one that cared those five years.
Guess it was all a game, huh?
...
I miss you.