I lost control in your room.

My head hit the pillow
My breathing became shallow
Gasping, trying to hold it together.

Nothing registered into my mind
I couldn't hear a single sound
Except my mantra,
Keep it together
Do not *****
Spinning around and around.

I was shaken to my core
I didn't think I could control it anymore
Until you wrapped your arms around me
Anchoring me to the floor.

You brought my face to your chest
Caressed my hair and cheek
And my breaths hissed
And tears fell
Each one of them meeting your kiss.

It's okay
You are safe
I've got you
You can let it out
I love you

You had a mantra of your own.

And you held me for God knows how long
Making sure the feeling was completely gone.
Even when my breaths became fuller
And the tears had subsided
You still held me close
Because the trigger had decided
To enter my mind and start at me again.

And then it officially stopped
My anxiety finally left once more
And you were the only thing in the world
Keeping me anchored to the floor.

we see angels in forklifts fixing our powerlines but we never see the snake in the river handing out our medication. it's mediation that keeps us mellow.
monday's blues.
tuesday's yellows.

I wish I found you before your first rolled 5 dollar bill
your vertebrae goes viral into a double helical spiral.
acid dripping from your spinal— tap.
tap. tap. tap.
i am knocking on your door.
"must i never see your youth again?
just live this age still useless."


you're calm but

your mind is ruthless.

The Sunsets Were Turning Gray And Colorless,
While The Songs Of Birds Vanished More Everyday,
The Lush Green Of The Fields Turned Brindle,
As The Leaves On The Trees Grew Brown And Brittle

At Dawn Crickets Shook Off Their Frosty Legs,
While Butterflies Thawed In The Weakening Sun,
The Scent Of Fallen Leaves Had Took Hold Of The Air,
As Winter's Fingers Tickled The Rolling Hillsides