The wailing winds sear their caress in my memory
The cold of an eastern Pennsylvanian winter
Stinging yet rejuvenating, surrounded by ubiquitous gusts
This place is sacred, this hallowed ground
My toes rocking on top of the semi frozen hillside
Staring out across a chain or rolling hills and deciduous forests
Trees packed so densely together I see only one ever extending canopy of leaves
Seamlessly shifting colors as if on a whim
I feel small in this moment
Amidst the grand expanse of nature that has humbled my soul
The mist and lingering breath pouring from the nose of a horse tamed yet yearning for the open pasture
The clouds that soak up the pinks and blues of a setting sun
The wailing winds seared into my memory
I am home I am home.

Cast your wishes to the wind
Launch your desires to the sea
Throw your emotions to the ocean
Set your most intimate aspects free
Most of all, leave your secrets safe from me
Baby, I'm an anchor
rusted steel exposed to the seaward breeze
aching to race from the sun to the darkest depths
pulling you under in my selfish plummet
there's no escaping the salty abyss I'm rushing towards
You see the bottom suits me, beautifully
perhaps for the bottom is nothing new to me
dwelling out of touch from the sun's rays
never yearning for the warmth of another to rouse me from the darkness
for perhaps the bottom was always meant to be home
rusted steel set perfectly in the moondust sand of an ocean's farthest depths
so cast your wishes to the wind, never tied to the chains linked to me
Baby, I'm an anchor
I was never meant to be
soaring in the winds, together with you set free...

I find myself tormented at night
eyes bloodshot staring at the light
pupils drying out, attempting to remove your image so perfectly painted on my eyelids every evening
no matter how many tears rush out, your watermark isn't leaving
dreams destined for nightmarish turns
as the light dries and burns
the windows to my soul
that you seem to have taken hold
claimed stake
in the dreams I create
tainted every release I find in these sheets
with altered memories and distorted perceptions
I let my mind's projection
paint the perfect image of your essence
yet time and time again I fail to see my presence
I see the hands of a man
running along the skin that I once embraced so dearly
the image blurred at first, comes together so clearly
as you draw near to me
his hands defiling the trust
between us
as you utter his name in the same sacred tone
you used for mine in our home
I feel myself tormented at night, destroying the image of you all alone
only to find myself in the same struggle, when the moon comes around and the night draws silent
hoping and dreaming to remove you from my eyelids

She said "how do you have the audacity?!"
I felt her words, tearing, blasting me
words cut like shards of glass to me
as if desert sands beating on my weathered skin
I feel her composure wearing thin
water droplets become the tell tale sign in her eyes swelling
hands violently flapping in the air in tune with the yelling
her motions far too compelling
bringing troubled thoughts to my eager mind
eyes search to find my way out
no neon arrows point to my escape route
I must bear the brunt
of what I had done
never expected her to try and tear down the sky above
When I finally, after so many years expressed to her my love...

Sensory overload the memory of your skin leaving my fingertips tingling when we'd touch
the same as when my fingers would slide along cardboard in a rush
all pins and needles, as i shake my hands violently attempting to revive the feeling of longevity
your smile was enough, it's own wordless brevity
expressing all it needs in so little motions so few muscles twitching and constricting to put it on display
a thickness in the air, hanging absorbing all the white noise beyond what you mean to convey
it all fades to background, the swaying of trees, the rustling of leaves
even the world beneath my feet fades when you look upon me
eyes set, fixated and true in their stare
gripping, ripping through to my soul bare
I stand still in awe, fingers trembling, tingling all needles and pins
everytime I find myself remembering your skin...

The familiar wrenching in my gut when you speak of love
The acidic burns and aches I keep bottled up
Become a flashflood
Rushing through my veins, poisioned lines constricting and forcing my extremities to spasm
You cast your words fruitlessly into the chasm
The indescribable void that lies before us
My hands scraped and bloodied from tearing down the nails that keep your heart boarded up
I can never break through the barrier you have erected
I leave myself vulnerable to your outlashes, you remain overly protected
Sheltered from the reality that is the extension of my love through every action
Every emotion you stockpile and ration
Maintaining a craving in the depths of my essence
For your ill fated presence
You bask in the symphonies that expel from my eyes gazing
Hear the strings and percussions playing
Without every fully repaying
Any emotional debt you may have accumulated over time
Fingers dancing along every line
I have written vast and true as the moon above
Yet I feel the familiar wrenching in my gut when you speak of love...

Eyes slam shut tight, french doors with frosted glass only the harsh lights peer through thin eye lids, images disappear behind the blurred misconceptions
I'm in love with the concept of love but fearful of rejection
scared she will have keen senses, ample for the detection
of a life without direction
I slam these eyes shut praying she won't catch the hint of whiskey on my teeth chattering
I am a stones throw from entertaining but a star's trip from flattering
As my fidgeting nervous hands are tearing and tattering
the napkins on the table, fingers delicately dance along the coffee creamers racing for the spoon
pretending she reminds me of anyone but you
but her eyes stare at me the way yours do
she laughs at every pointless joke I make too
her lips curl so perfectly over the coffee mug, pink and full of life, vibrant and smooth
I'm a hopeless, lost soul
aching for control
of emotions that know no master, strings never attached allowing me to pull the puppet to it's proper place
I know it's written across my face
letters of your name mix around and re-arrange
eyes slammed shut because the ache of knowing she's just rushing through my heart's void, a winter's draft through a cracked window pane
Leaves me with a void, where your marks will always remain