I braced for the sound, the inevitable blast that would deafen my ears and jolt my nerves
they came streaming out in my words
every syllable sounded like rounds from the chamber
as i released my anger
I hate who I become
when you spit your venom and load my gun
the magazine full of thoughts of discontent
shells of spite and resent
your words push your fingers to pull my trigger
itching dangerously close to setting off my uncontrollable rage
I try putting my mouth on safe
holding the rounds at bay
yet they pour out one after another
we're poison for each other
I'm sick, weak in the knees as these words continue to  release each time your words pull that trigger and squeeze
the blowback nearly knocks me off my feet
I hear the distinct buzz of being too close to the boom
in the center of the room
my fingers pointing at you to blame, you're the reason I explode
I'm too weak, these words too heavy to reload
I hate who I've become
when you fill my thoughts with this ammo and turn me into this gun

I'll ignore the symptoms, embrace the syndrome
I'm damaged baby, so ******* damaged, but wouldn't that be so perfect of me to play the victim
I've disavowed the emotions that swell and seek to surge the barriers I so delicately built over this life
Waging war and setting siege with my heart in the dead of night
In the eerie quiet hours when I still hear your voice haunting, pouring through the trees
As if it was evaporated off your breath and swept away in the breeze
I'm nervous, hands shaking violently with discontent
When I replay every word you spoke and decipher what they meant
You reach for my hands as you beg and repent, I can taste the resent
The familiar taste seeping over my tastebuds
as you try and explain your fake love
I would've preferred you never came back at all after what you did
Never apologized never begged me to forgive
Never even mentioned the moment but instead simply left with him
Yet you dragged me back in it, filling my ears with your fallacies, my heart with your promises and my mind with your venom
I'm trapped in your spell, ignoring all the symptoms
So ******* damaged, how did you become the victim?

Her voice was as the sirens of past, the lovely melodies that nearly entranced Homer to a treacherous fate upon the sea
Tucked deep in the mountains the ocean was far from reach, yet her voice still called out to me
Subtle at first, muffled by whipping winds full of snow coming from all directions
Yet amidst all the ambient noise her voice still garnered my inspection
Flakes of snow shone bright within the cloud that nestled upon us, my headlamp casting an eerie reflection
Her voice cut through the noise yet again, soothing beckoning me to return
Pressing on higher my legs ached and burned
I felt them beg and yearn
For the rest she had offered, a moment to reside upon this ***** steep and unsteady
My body craved the break, this pack seemed to grow heavy
I pressed on
Praying the metallic clang of my ice axe across the rocks buried deep in the snow would block out her song
The melodic thump of my boots sinking into the snow with every kick step
I could hear my breath
Straining the higher we'd climb
Her voice began to penetrate my mind
I felt uneasy, never ready to face her I always looked higher, finally I took a glimpse behind
There she was beckoning me to jettison into her cold embrace
She had no face, there was no physical form to be had, lost in the midst
I heard her calling out my name, begging for my soul, I hear her calling...I hear the abyss

Remember when these words leapt from my mouth, letters became gazelles bounding across the high plains of my tongue
rolling off my lips like a ship cresting the waves of a treacherous storm ravaged sea
Thrown to and fro, sloshing along the surface with the inertia of 24 years of anticipation pushing them to the edge
Anxiously awaiting to be propelled into the open air, like bullets in the chamber of the rifle itching for the pull of a hair-pin trigger never being depressed
Remember when the similes that ran within me flowed like the mighty Mississippi, etching away at the banks running from the spring of my mind to the delta of my fingertips
pouring upon the page as if each finger became an estuary for my passion
Remember when the discovery of new words left my mind racing, searching for the synonyms that fit every aspect of my emotions at that precise moment
Perhaps the night required the depth of more enchanting words to shed light on my thoughts that the moon could never replicate
Whereas the day needed the lightness of my carefree views to float on as clouds casting shadows to provide the shelter you craved
Never fulfilled unless the expression of my soul was understood beyond pages and ink, splattered for your enjoyment
Remember when I never needed poetry because the life I lived was art in itself
Remember when I felt fulfilled with who I had become
Remember when...

Scratching at the surface, a mass of desperation weighing over my gentle soul
yearning, scraping trying to dig out of this hole
I'm scraping to make it out of this whole
pieces of me shed with my every thrashing, every movement comes with a struggle
pieces strewn throughout my life, never amounting to a puzzle
forward progress is my dream within it all
yet there is never a climb without the fall
no descent worth noticing, no downward spiral out of place
A part of me breaks with every brief glimpse of that face
Walking through the halls of worn images and depressed portraits
finally realizing they are all mirrors
the only surface that could reflect the reality clearer
nights plagued with restless thoughts and dreams out of reach
reaching for the surface, hoping these hands can finally breach
the veil that shrouds my forward motion
drowning in my failures, a soul just drifting in this ocean
every step comes with it's hesitation
a constant testament to my self will and patience
a train to my future always late to the station
leaving me anxiously waiting
staring down the tracks of my past
listening for the humming droning of the steel bars scraping the electric rail, sizzling and popping in the late summer evening
Waiting to depart, finally leaving
On the platform, ticket in hand, bags upon my shoulder
I never saw myself growing up, I never wanted to get older
Never asked for much, never yearned for more than stability
All scales must return to level, just wondering when they will for me.

The weight of the world weighed heavy
She was a modern day Olympus feeling the pressure cracks of a spherical burden
Bearing the full brunt she winces yet sheds no tears
Her plight remains silent in the deepest recesses of the night
Hers and hers alone
She confides in the stars
Polaris her guiding light
As she sets her sights to the heavens
Letting Orion aim his bow and fire arrows at her rigid frame
She moves for nothing
Steady as the mountain she holds out through wailing winds and piercing rain
The weight of the world heavy but never enough for her to bear
Her eyes shone back the light of the moon
Merely a third party reflection of faded sun rays
She let the tides of seven seas and 24 years of misery swell in her stare
Breath crisp yet labored at the reality of it all
She remains awake silent waiting on the sky to fall
Bearing company to her closer than anything she ever knew
She'd hold the world forever just to give it all to you...