I look for the source of the disaster. I look in the mirror and it decides to screech. I'm lusting for love and a dime's worth of affection. Haunting vibrations are crippling my decisions. Everyday is unedited from the previous one. Looking for new high's in a comfortable setting. I want to change reality forever so I soak myself in fantasies and exchanges that don't really exist. Im sick of being stuck, nailed to my vexatious living pattern. That's what life is really about, patterns, how you change the patterns. How you leave a mark, a little piece of you, dwelling in forever. I'm a creationist, I consume to create, destroy to rebuild. I'm bored so I dang on the edge of abyss's . I want to see how far I can go, how deep can I scare history. It's all a matter of perspective really, what you sink your desire in. You could be the most beautiful tragedy, a crying saint, a god, love, the Devils cashier. We don't live by rules, there can't be rules, we will never reach our full potential. We have to stretch every emotional and physical boundary we have. We have to be successful or we lose.

Reincarnation teaches
Empathy for all past beings.

Don’t apologize,
I was you once
I understand the distance you travel —
To you, sacrifice comes natural
To you, break downs are routine
To you, hope is expressed through help.

You encompass an almighty humanity.

Maybe I'm a little crazy
Maybe I'm a little sad
Maybe I'm upset
Maybe I'm mad
Maybe I hate myself
And maybe I don't
Maybe I want to hurt myself
And maybe I won't
My own mind scares me
It hold a lot
It hold all of my pain
Every scar I got
Maybe I'm scared
To love again
Scared to be rejected over and over again
Maybe I'm tired
Of being put down
And maybe my poem
Can keep me on the ground
I can't say I hate myself
I don't myself yet
But when I do
I'll hate her too

From what I have become
To what I will be
I have honestly turned into
Not even the person I want to see
I'm tainted and scarred
All are self-inflicted
I need help
Please save me

~vf

I can't forget
Any of it
The fear
The pain
The tears
The shame
These scars won't fade
these scar I hate
No matter what I do
I can't forget you
I was stupid enough to  believe
you would always be there for me
I thought I was saved
But I was really your slave

Everyday I am haunted
By the scars on my hips,
wrist,
stomach,
and thighs.
I hope everyday my parents won't see them.
I'm scared of what others think
I'm scared that I will be sent away again,
Away to a place that filled me with fear,
A place people call, "The Mental House,"

Yes, I did try to **** myself,
but that was long ago
But now I struggle with the razors that call my name
The yearning for the sting of a cut across my scarred skin
The desire to feel like I'm not in a dream.
Everything is so unreal
I never thought it would happen
But it did,
now I'm living with it.

I'm happy to say I am three weeks clean,
But I don't think it will last very long
Life is not easy
and I'm not that strong.

Hibernating in the northern-most hills,
Beneath Winter’s canvas, the wind’s grim shrills,
‘Midst the caverned silence unsung by bird,
Lies man’s deep-buried soul, its pulse unheard.
Frost buries warmth no fire but man’s can lend.
Strong limbs bow low before a blizzard’s wind,
Their foliage taken, the bush is bare,
The woods wither because man does not dare.
If the hearts of man should wilt and then wane
Then Spring shall follow with guilt and disdain.
To Wake and Live, Sleep and Let Die: Choose!
Before, Like O’erspread snow, his death accrues.
     Awake the Savage! Where is Man’s hunger?
     Too long he slept, too long he has slumbered.

Soon the rain will fall and
you will empty the jars of tears you collected to wash away with the debris.

Soon the rain will fall and wash away the melancholy the atmosphere is drenched in

As you watch the rain drops dance the pitter patter will remind you of a joyful period, forgotten memories shrouded by years of self-destruction

The rain will erase the ruin... the decay that surrounds you

No longer will you breath in devastation The scent of the mixture  of rain and dust will give you back life, light, and purpose

The black flower will bloom
A celebration of a new deviation
Restructuration of faith once deconstructed

Your humanity is not gone
There is hope for you yet, a tiny spark that will burst into flames and you will shine the brightest

Soon the rain will fall on your skin and it will erase the sadness in your bones.