Do you remember?

Do you remember, the day you came over to Sh-'s house?
I was staying over at her house, and I had given you a note that Friday,
explaining about my anxiety and how I live in constant fear of rejection
and being left. You warned us you were coming over, and we did our make up
in a few minutes, not wanting to be seen without. (not that I really put a lot on)
You came over, and we sat on her driveway and talked about everything and nothing,
like always. You were laying on your stomach and Sh- had her legs crossed, feet resting on your
****, and you had your head in my lap, and you two were talking, and I was running my fingers
through your hair, like always and you would shift slightly every now and then to give me better access.
We were eating Lemon Heads, passing them around, one of the five boxes you bought me for my birthday, along with that two liter of Mountain Dew.
Then we were standing up because Sh- mom was saying that you should go, that we would be eating dinner, and you stayed for a while longer, constantly hugging me and I thought that maybe you were nervous and I couldn't figure out why. Then you were hugging me again, my back pressed against Sh-'s mom's Honda van and then you leaned back slightly and suddenly your lips were moving softly and gently against mine, and I was startled and ecstatic and elated and exhilarated and so, so happy, but then too quickly, it was over, and distantly I could hear Sh- shouting "OH GOD, ARE YOU KISSING?!" And you mumbled "What, no." I was still stunned, but I laughed at Sh-, constantly trying to get us to kiss, but grossed out when it happened. I pulled you in for a tight hug, trying to say thank you.

Do you remember?

Do you remember the next Wednesday? Sh- was teasing me all day,
telling me: "I know something you don't know!" And I thought-
I thought that maybe, just maybe I knew what she was talking about,
but I was afraid I was wrong, so I didn't say anything.
I nearly died from anticipation by 7th period.
I walked over to where you were standing with Sh- and I talked to you
for a second then went on to my locker and I saw Sh- shove you towards me
and we talked and my hands were shaking ever so slightly because of what
I though you might do and we walked through the band room to get my
violin and we walked out and you stepped down off that weird concrete platform and
I stood on top so your head was mid-chest level with me and you said those simple words I wanted to hear so badly.
"Will you, uh, go out with me?"
I smiled so wide and said yes, of course and I hugged you and then I had to tease you and ask; what did you think I'd say, no? And we smiled and walked over to Sh-
and her mom gave me thumbs up through the van window and I blushed and you walked me to my bus.

Do you remember?

Do you remember talking for hours on end, until I was nearly falling asleep at the computer?
We talked for hours and hours, about anything and everything and nothing.
We talked until late, or early, however you want to put it, and I would tell you that I was gonna go,
but we would keep talking anyways and I would keep saying I was gonna go.
We would talk about everything from your friends, to my hypoglycemia, to religion, to superheros.
We only stopped talking for sleep (eventually), showers and when I went to the movies.
And then there was the incident.
We were talking about how, in middle school, when I had to switch schools, I felt very alone.
Then, you said to me:
"I hope you know I've never done this before, and I hope you know you're not alone.",
an indirect quote from Repeating Apologies by Of Mice & Men.
And I couldn't help it. The boy I liked so, so much, telling me such sweet things, when I did feel alone
and I started crying. I made a post on my blog, and then I remembered too late that you followed me
and I told you not to read it, but you read the post anyway and after I left to sleep finally, you told me
that you wanted to give me a hug, and when I read that later, I kind of wanted to cry again, knowing that you cared.