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Feb 2019 · 308
Life on a Pedestal
SC Feb 2019
Leave a flower
     in a *** too small
           it will never reach
                 its full potential...
Put a woman
     on a pedestal
         incarcerated by your
               unrealistic expectations                  
She will mature-
     chase her curiosity
          expand her horizons
She will continue her
      never- ending pursuit
to be the women she knows
     in her heart
           she is meant to be.
She is burdened with the guilt
     of failing to live up to
          your fantasy...
But she will also grow
and eventually resentment-
for you!
Jan 2019 · 95
I know you
SC Jan 2019
I know the emptiness
-after a long trying day-
coming home to
absolutely no one.
I know the insatiable longing
to share good and bad
as free time is filled
with reruns.
I know the regrets
of a past filled
with lovers come
and gone.
I feel the hunger
that can drive one
down reckless and
very dead ends.
I understand the
holes in a soul
that often feels
more lost than found.
Emptiness, longing, regret, hunger and holes
are in my mirror
That's why we are friends -
your mirror reflects
the same...
Nov 2018 · 683
Heartbreak Waiting
SC Nov 2018
It's not your looks, your wit
your walk or
your talk -
You're danger!
For the unaware
with unencumbered hearts.
of your boyish charm!
Disguising what should be
a heart
but instead -
is a skull and cross bones.
No reciprocation-
your shell of a soul
has been left
For She who lies, deceives-
manipulator extraordinaire!
Holds your heart captive
and you-her schlemiel-
poor you -
are but a proxy
of the man
you could be -  
you used to be-
reduced to
a living, breathing
simply waiting to befall
poor fools
like me.
Feb 2018 · 142
Final Arrangements
SC Feb 2018
The final gift-
    That goes unspoken...
Don't tell me about it MOM!
   But it would be worse
If I left it all up to you four...
   When you open that box
        You need only make a call
All information
    (t)'s  crossed
        (i)'s  dotted
    pa­id for
Don't cry for me - my time is done
Enjoy the Johnny Walker Blue
    Patron (Gran)
        and two bottles of wine I've left for you.
This isn't morbid
     It is a necessity
My final gift of love
    for all of you!
Nov 2017 · 152
Another Every Day
SC Nov 2017
Another every day,
feed the dogs
go to work
return home.
Paint, video gaming
return emails...
Another everyday.
Remember to eat
do laundry
shop for food (you don't eat)
Another everyday.
Hide behind the smile
Be polite to strangers
professional at work
Another everyday of denying the pain
caused by the hole only you can fill.
Deny the longing
Deny how much I miss
your smile
your touch
The very smell of you.
Just another everyday
...without you!
Oct 2017 · 149
Broken Doll
SC Oct 2017
Don't pity the broken doll,
ravished by
           and scars...
Her heart is not unscathed
It too carries
Those who judge by what they see
will never know the beauty forged
beneath the broken shell.
Therein lies a heart convinced
     love exists.
The one who isn't a Knight
       devoid of shining armor.
One who too - has survived
       the chaos we call life...
These hearts will meet!
      That is her hope
             That is her dream
Until that day she persists-
      On the strength born of pain...
Mar 2017 · 182
SC Mar 2017
Where are the heroes?
The men of stout heart
willing to
pick up and carry
the mantel of the weak-
unable to fend for self?

Where are the men that know how to love?
bravely and unabashedly?
Those with no need
to lust after any woman
that feeds a fragile ego?

Is the concept of a hero
just a fantasy?
A Disney ideal?
Is the only prince
the one with four legs
you carefully choose from the litter
and carry home so lovingly?

Are the acts we see of heroism
the accidental conduct
of an over-inflated ego
cloaked in self righteousness?
Seen through the lens of rose colored glasses

Why must my faith in heroes
die painfully in the sea of disappointment-
while desperately clinging to the hope that
just maybe-
this guy is for real?
Mar 2017 · 319
Something Between Us
SC Mar 2017
Your face adorns my TV screen,
the annoying ads between episodes...
Just when I believe I've shaken your spell
There must be something between us.
Your voice sends chills
my heart skips a beat
with nothing but your image,
a digital reproduction of a love long forgotten-
There must be something between us!
So my eyes turn to home
moving so very far away
from your image
your reputation
your presence on my TV
and I realize what must be between us....
There must be something between us-
even if it is only-
about 1500 miles!
Jan 2017 · 177
Thief of Hearts
SC Jan 2017
Once you fall victim
to a thief of hearts
You desperately hope
That this is
Of course-
when the deed is done -
in the wake of lies
you are left with...
painful memories
      broken promises
          the inability to trust
              and far too often -
                   a shattered life.
Soothing the pain you find excuses
    and wrongly blame self.
But know dear heart-
it is not you!
No one can fill an insatiable ego!
The thief is a collector
in feeble attempts to fill a void...
A black hole that existed long before you
and will continue long after
they have drained your life force!
The best we can hope for
is that one day
the thief will acknowledge
the pain and havoc they reaped
in a life wasted on selfish desires.
And if you are really one of the fortunate
you will get a heartfelt apology...
     but don't hold your breath!
Dec 2016 · 186
For Nikki
SC Dec 2016
You are the brightest
and most talented
I guess the word is gifted
young woman.
If brains were all we needed
to successfully navigate
this world -
I'd have no worries,
for you, my dear -
would have it made.
But it takes more than brains
For happiness,
God knows, if I could
wrap up all the goodness
in the world,
I would place it on your doorstep.
The most wondrous present ever!
But I can't.
Your brains will open doors,
afford you many opportunities-
But you must find the courage
within yourself
to take the risk!
Life isn't easy,
well planned
or organized...
It is chaotic.
Twists and turns
Ups and downs
plans that never seem to work out
and yet - they always do...
Maybe not the way we plan-
but they do.
Trust yourself
Love yourself.
Don't look for others
to define who you are.
People will always disappoint-
we are only human...
Simply know I am with you in spirit,
now and forever.
You are a bright spot
in an old heart
who was ever so briefly reminded
of the daughter
I never had....
Dec 2016 · 272
SC Dec 2016
I so want to feel normal.
Thing is
I just don't remember
what normal
feels like....
Nov 2016 · 304
I'd Do It All Again
SC Nov 2016
The inclination to rescue
       doesn't spring from an
          altruistic desire to feel good
               about myself.
It is a damnable urge
    costing me three bad marriages.
I became the 'bad guy'
    when I stopped a couple I worked with
         from beating his wife in public.
Stupid me,
     offered the woman help.
My thanks
      was her venom
              for years...
Rescue equates to
     put your **** out
             to be chewed.
Yet - I still have the
    burning desire
        to pay it forward
Aware reward is a jaded heart-
       and the inescapable knowledge
I would do it all again.
Nov 2016 · 157
SC Nov 2016
How foolish and egotistical
to assume an Omnipotent being
would bother with something
as insignificant as humans.
We can't love the person
standing next to us in line.
Yet hate monger so convincingly-
swear they bask in the glory
of  the Divine.
Somehow we deserve the
undeserved kindness of the Almighty.
While we destroy the planet-
teach innocent children to hate,
Ignoring hypocrisy.
Were I a Supreme Being
I would have
one word  
for all -

Oct 2016 · 316
Past Lives
SC Oct 2016
The essence which is my soul
most certainly lived before.
Perhaps as Nero
satisfied to watch Rome burn.
Only to return as
Attila the ***,
hell bent on the destruction of the Roman Empire-
My soul clearly learning nothing
lifetime to lifetime-
Vlad the Impaler
Elizabeth Bathory
How else can I make sense of the
The sheer misery
of being involved with you?
Sep 2016 · 496
For want of a hug...
SC Sep 2016
Painful year,
wishing I were better
praying to experience true forgiveness
fervently yearning for a hug
from anyone who knows... understands...
The stark realization
Am I deserving of comfort?
.... my sins are haunting....
for want of a hug....
Aug 2016 · 147
SC Aug 2016
You were my
     knight in shinning armor
At a time when I was
      a very lost girl....
You took me into your light
     protected me
           taught me it is OK to love...
You didn't tell me
      how much love can hurt...
          That lesson was hand on....
And although I ran
    you remain
        in my heart
            and soul
In reflection - I'm grateful
     I carry the good you shared
           always and forever....
Aug 2016 · 347
Night and Day
SC Aug 2016
I tire of the struggle-
awake and asleep...
I excise you from my thoughts
your face
your taste
your memory.....
are forgotten.
But then the wicked treachery
of sleep.
Your presence becomes so vivid
I scarcely realize
it is a dream.
Only to wake
and reality
you're gone....
my inner battle continues
night and day.
Aug 2016 · 351
Remembering Who I am...
SC Aug 2016
My hair is soft
      yet the only other fingers
            aware of how soft
                 have long since past.
I do sports - not watch
that is, of course,
    unless my sons are playing
       or the music is right
            and the party is tight!
I catch Pokemon
     **** in Fallout 4
        visit Azeroth every chance I get....
My DNA - an enigma
              Southern Europe
                  Finland and Siberia
A puzzle wrapped in a conundrum-
      All questions - no answers...
I love action movies, Marvel and DC Movies
        Game of Thrones
I was amazed at the evolution
       White to Heisenberg....
Cognitively I know my age
     Yet spiritually
              my soul is ageless....
My music rap to rock
    old school and new
        jazz, classical
         Western, Eastern, Mid-Eastern, South American
all but Celtic....
      can't handle most Celtic!
I love sunrises in
     the US
I plan to see more world wide
      God(s?) willing....
Ms taken
     Ms abused
          Ms understood....
Aug 2016 · 216
In and out.... of Dreams
SC Aug 2016
In dreams we meet
per chance
pausing briefly-
with that boyish grin
your voice deep
"you're still beautiful"...
A pain
proliferating from the void
bereft of joy
longing to scream
in shock and horror..
You are still short
           larger around the middle
yet those hateful words of choke...
unable to return the pain you gave.
A heart that surrenders
         Only to melt in the pools
                of your deep hazel eyes...
"It is good to see you too.."
Then you fade into the crowd.
       and out of my dreams.
Jul 2016 · 233
SC Jul 2016
When a beloved hurts you
   it burns, stings - throbs
            like an open wound.
But when the beloved apologizes-
   Pain subsides
          hurt is forgotten
and forgiveness
     flows a easily as the tears
            of joy you shed.
Jul 2016 · 246
SC Jul 2016
I miss my Dad-
I talk to his picture
his words echo
through my soul
but it's not the same....
His hand on my shoulder
giving me strength
in times of need
His smile
his laughter
even his disapproving frown.
All were my rock
my security
all gone...
No solace- no assuagement
just a river of
Jul 2016 · 761
My Normal
SC Jul 2016
I work
   play Fallout 4
      write poetry
I mind my own business
   cut my lawn
     clean my house.
Occasionally I shop
  smile at strangers
      engage in random acts of kindness...
Explain why
   a Molotov cocktail was thrown at my home?  
and why, while shopping
  a three year old points and screams
while her mother continues to shop
....... as if this is the norm?
Jul 2016 · 289
Unlike Me
SC Jul 2016
Belief  is vital
   to sooth the rough
      survive the insurmountable...
Yet on the days
   when belief has abandoned you
your hope
    Is drowning in despair
  fickle faith
has left you for another...
On those days
    I long for that shoulder
That understanding tone
   from he who knows
I don't need fixing
I need my  rock....
My only prayer for you
is that your rock - is still a part of your life...
(unlike me)
SC Jul 2016
When you see that middle aged woman-
abandoned by death or divorce....
Save your pity!
Her children may be grown
successful on their own
their absence is her success....
She can have a quiet dinner alone...
no complaints
no demands
no sacrifices
just the way she likes it....
Movies of her choice -
no compromise...
paintings of Captain America
can now hang upon her bedroom wall...
the music that blasts
are among her favorites...
bringing quiet reminiscences
of loves long gone
some realized
some forgotten...
For the first time in her life -
She is on a unique journey
learning to love and care
for only
Jul 2016 · 232
Sunday Breakfast
SC Jul 2016
The best part of Sunday Breakfast,
with any of my sons....
I'm in the restaurant with a man
    who is respectful
         kind and considerate
the most handsome man in the place...
But most importantly
   There is a viscera knowledge
           no matter our differences
this is
Jul 2016 · 361
I don't understand
SC Jul 2016
I don't understand
Hate begets hate
In the world I was reared within
It was eye for and eye
How does that stop
The hate?
Don't you know the pain
When a loved one
Is killed????
Don't you know
That pain never ceases?
The nightmares never ends
The hole in your heart
There is no comfort
You break down
At what others call "nothing"
Your soul becomes
a spiraling
Screaming agony
Massive hurt
God forbid anyone else
Experiences such violence
My god
I simply don't understand
Jul 2016 · 416
Taboo Attraction...
SC Jul 2016
I'm Black
You're White
Does that mean we have to fight?
Grew up poor
so did you -
Learned to live by "making due".
Limited life options
for we two
determination we both grew...
Steely Dan
What a sound!
See! I'm not ghetto bound...
You like them too?
and Stevie Wonder?
Believing we're different -
what a blunder...
City girl-
Country boy
Doctor - lawyer - both just ploys.
Societal facades
so the world doesn't guess
each night I dream of your lips
          on my *******...
I don't care
the world's reaction
Your voice, touch, smell          
Taboo attraction....
Jun 2016 · 335
Oldies Station
SC Jun 2016
Eclectic as long as I recall
labeled weird by peers
nothing could wipe
the smile of all 32's ...
Scanning for tunes
memory lane
some frightening
many sweet....
from Procol Harum
to James Brown...
Flashbacks ~
A happy "pool rat"...
AM lessons that led to free swim
followed by team practice
and night swim...
Oblivious to the
burnt out shells
~vestiges of the summer of '65.
Heavy police presence
Ghetto birds
day and night...
willfully ignoring the horrendous
savoring the sweet....
the boy around the corner
who broke into song
each time I walked by
"My Cherie Amor..."
Dancing in the street,
the parks
where ever a boom box bellowed...
Cheap wine
blissful ignorance...
all revisited
thanks to a song.
Jun 2016 · 277
30 Years Ago Today
SC Jun 2016
The careless bullet
of an unidentified coward,
shot at unknown cars
Struck the tire of a truck
driving 65 MPH
ending the life
of the man who
was my father.
30 years ago
For 30 years
I've worked through
Slowly -the words of my father
crept back into
my life..
life lessons I now applaud:
never let pride
mask the love you have
for others.
People are people-
not bad
not good
they are just trying to survive
with the cards they were dealt-
so don't judge.
Offer kindness-
not hatred...
Forcing a relationship
that doesn't fit
is equivalent to
barking up a dead dog's ***...
To have a friend
you must be a friend.
There is no shame
in asking for
Don't mock the homeless,
the lost addicts
or women of the night...
Always remember
never forget -
but for the grace of god
go I.
Say now what you need to say
so you never regret
not having said enough -
Thanks Daddy,
I love you!
I  will miss you
Jun 2016 · 240
Quiet Now
SC Jun 2016
When they were born,
  I yearned for the days
    the crying would end....
When they were young
   I loved their laughter
     but not at 2am!
As teens I had to learn
    to appreciate *******
      rap, country, heavy metal
(very glad they shared my love of old school and Billy Joel)
I spent my life longing for quiet.
    A home filled with quiet...
      What a dream!
Never realizing the price of quiet...
     They are grow and gone....
It's quiet now
Jun 2016 · 233
Being Hated
SC Jun 2016
Anyone with a heart
    has had it shattered
     with the tragedies of this past week.
   Being hated is not
      a free pass to hate in return!
Being hated is
    a reminder how precious love truly is....
It is also
     our civic responsibility to never hate in like....
I know
   I've been Black
       and hated for my accident of birth
            for over 60 years
Don't let the hateful win
May 2016 · 177
Unsung Heroes
SC May 2016
You risk your life
    in service to others...
In the military
     policing our streets,
         guards by our pool....
No thought of self
    or personal cost....
Often not realizing
    how often you touch the lives of others.
For those of us lucky enough
   to be your Mother, Father,
         sister, brother
           husbands, wives
                 or simply lucky enough to call you friend...
The gravity of what you do-
    often weighs heavy on our hearts and mind.
You would be dearly missed- should the unthinkable
    result in worst coming to pass...
Please know -
   You have our respect...
And you would leave an unfathomable hole
    In our lives
          and in our hearts!
For my sons and my friend (MC)
Apr 2016 · 258
My Baby Boy
SC Apr 2016
When you came home successful
from Marine boot camp-
Many asked-
"Have you seen a change?"
Earth shattering, mind blowing
phenomenal catharsis?
In a word - no.
What I'm seeing
are a series of subtle, simple changes....
An appreciation
of my dinners
          (thrown together in haste)...
A respect for those
who have survive the day to day...
A realization that
the worlds owes you NOTHING...
It was here long before you
and will remain long after you are gone...
You are not entitled to anything -
except your own talents
       how you apply them
The application of these talents translate
          into the success you earn....
Has he changed?
not drastically....
But he has taken one giant step
    from boy
          to man.....
A step many men have yet to attain...
Apr 2016 · 227
SC Apr 2016
Where do you find the inner strength-
needed to hold your ground
in the face of rising
When every fiber of your being knows
what you do is right and just
and must be faced
What must be done - is at great cost-
loss of family, employment
respect of some peers
your life?
The paths diverge in polar directions
one safe, secure -the other
wrought with pain and
the unknown...
               and yet -
"The unexamined life is not worth living"  Socrates
Apr 2016 · 273
Glad You Are Gone...
SC Apr 2016
The death of a relationship,
is often for the best.
It doesn't feel like that
-at first.
First comes - fear
If there are children
protecting them
from the inevitable fallout...
Rebuilding your life.
Learning to trust.
Avoiding the trap
of stereotyping all
with the characteristics of one.
Not allowing anger
to grow into bitterness.
Yes - the path is new
It does get better
The pain isn't in the future-
you are leaving it in the past.
And know this
if you don't know anything else-
I am ****** glad
you are gone!
Apr 2016 · 246
Shoulders and Tears
SC Apr 2016
The problem with being
-perceived as strong,
Very few have shoulders staunch enough
-for me to cry on.
Apr 2016 · 233
SC Apr 2016
The brightness of the sun
and the clear blue sky
are just as they were
when you said goodbye...
That day - full of hope
and endless possibilities
Shattered as you walked away
leaving me devoid of dignity....
With you went
all I cherish deep inside
An empty hole
where you once reside....
      Pain amplified
            that awful word- goodbye....
Apr 2016 · 260
Forever You
SC Apr 2016
He is young
you are old...
He has his hair
you pathetically attempt to hide
the loss of yours.
He is oblivious to my faults,
you magnify them.
I am his tall, cool drink of water-
you see me
and wish for a V-8.
Curse my obstinate,
blind, treacherous
for it can never be him-
it is forever
Apr 2016 · 250
SC Apr 2016
I understand you live in a place and,
­I live there too!
A world in which friends
W­here loved ones - love you
......until they don't!
Tranquility is derived from
An offer of friendship
Is foreign
.........a trap!
So don't trust my words
....and don't turn away
Let my actions speak-
.......I'm here for you
..........until you say "Leave"
When I'm gone owe me nothing
........I am your friend
Mar 2016 · 323
Drama Kings and Queens
SC Mar 2016
Goodbye drama king
your ranting and raving
falls on deaf ears...
the volume of your voice
cannot change lies to truth
it strengthens my resolve.
Goodbye drama Queen,
your constant diet
of rumors and innuendo
sustaining the venom you spew
will no longer poison my life
Please believe it isn't because
I hate or despise you
I leave because I love you
and that love leaves me
weak and vulnerable...
That love you will take
and use for selfish desires...
That love you will consume
leaving me a hollow shell
a mere shadow of my former self.
It is my soul I must protect
from you!
Mar 2016 · 210
This Day
SC Mar 2016
This day won't end.
Minuets are hours
working with a facade
of a carefree world-
when in reality
my world has been torn asunder.
And I simply want
my pillow
and the welcoming home
of my dogs....
Mar 2016 · 281
I Cry
SC Mar 2016
I don't cry.
Having led a hard life
Broken heart
     broken spirit
          broken life
I don't cry-
      I move on...
Divorces 3!
     Never even entered my mind
          to cry as they said goodbye....
Pride fills me as I know
      only my children
           (two legs and four)
could move me to tears...
Yet your careless words
has released a floodgate
and I cry...
Mar 2016 · 233
The Fight
SC Mar 2016
When I refuse to fight
it isn't out of weakness
or fear...
That particular path
must only be followed
when the benefit
outweighs the cost.
And over my entire life
very few battles
have ever been worth
the fight.
Mar 2016 · 285
Old Warriors
SC Mar 2016
Old warriors have a lifetime
wins and losses
Scars substantiating each.....
We have lived long enough
to know
when to fight
and when to walk away...
Mar 2016 · 244
Best Friends
SC Mar 2016
You are my person
The one without hesitation I
      place myself
            between you
               and the edge....
You have been
   an ever present fixture
      for so many years....
You are my rock
     my security
        the citadel to which I run...
My life, without you in it
    is bereft,
Loosing you can only be likened
      to ripping off my hand
             removing chains of *******...
Yet that is the pain I will endure
   should you ever believe
      I would choose you
over any one of my sons!
          I choose -
Mar 2016 · 405
SC Mar 2016
Four of five in a house of seven...
never quiet.
Drive- bys, gang wars
Ghetto birds galore...
Sons -
make noise - cheer!
          thundering masses....
Yet in the twilight of life
   parents at rest
       siblings  and loved ones
            passed on....
In solitude
      one must learn to appreciate
Mar 2016 · 272
Thoughts Return to You...
SC Mar 2016
Time passes, broken hearts heal
at least that's what they say...
Nobody warned me -
the scar remains.
That any reminder of you
is an unstoppable force
ripping... tearing...
the fragile threads
by which my life -
my heart
In a flood of excruciating pain
My thoughts return to you.
What was - can never be.
But know like a phoenix,
I rise
a stronger person
from the ashes of the
life you left
Feb 2016 · 572
Becoming What We Despise
SC Feb 2016
I didn't wake up one morning
     make a conscious choice
             to be a *****....
First -
I gave my heart
      It was used to clean excrement from your rear....
I ventured so far as to trust
     Your knives are still in my back....
I was kind
     you interpreted weakness....
I cared
      totally unappreciated
I empathized
      your need became insatiable....
After 20 years I finally said
    **** it....
       I'm the *****....
No my dear
        I simply act like you!
Feb 2016 · 405
The Abyss
SC Feb 2016
"Battle not with monsters
      lest ye become a monster,
          and if you gaze into the abyss,
             the abyss gazes also into you...."
                    Friedrich Nietzche.

The struggle with inner demons
      old as time.
The darkness that sometimes consumes
        and cannot be avoided
            must be tamed, controlled.
For I am not the victim
     yet - if the monster is not constrained...
       I leave a trail of victims
          the innocent.
In my heart - that is a true sin....

"The purpose of life is not to be happy.
It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate,
to have it make a difference that you have lived and lived well."
       Ralph Waldo Emerson
Feb 2016 · 434
Star Crossed
SC Feb 2016
Star crossed, soul mates, kismet
Meaningless fiction - the foundation
found only on screen...
Then I saw you!
Standing tall and strong
like a century of old-
protecting your child.
We two - Strangers ...
planes passing in flight.
Your gaze pierced
deep into my soul.
Dear Gods or Goddesses please be kind
keep this man out of reach!
No such luck
cosmic joke...
our sons - best friends...
I carpool with your wife.
no wonder she kept you hid.
You became a part of my life,
so near and yet so far...
stolen conversations -
"what if"...
I live for an occasional hug
A kiss on the forehead.
I share with you
what I never shared with the ex...
Secrets, fears,
food from my plate!
We covet what will never be...
I curse the stars
that crossed our paths.
"The fault lies not in the stars
...but in ourselves."
Last line is Shakespeare..
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