It isn't fair -
when it's difficult to trust you due to the lies of others.
It wasn't fair when my innocence was stolen-
by one concerned only with self gratification.
And no - you don't have pay for it.
But  I am worth the time it will take-
to learn to trust you,
to feel secure with you,
to find comfort in your arms.
To feel safe enough to love.

I taught myself to
    Tie my shoes
       Cook a meal
         Brush my hair
I taught myself to
    Be a friend
       Be a Mom,
         Protect my sons
I had no rules to follow
Or guides along the way…
So if I say
    I love you
- it’s not convention bound
and know I’ll never hurt you
    As long as I’m around….

Once, long ago our journeys crossed paths.
     for awhile - life made sense.
The warmth of every day
     was ripe with desire and hope.
When you asked to make
     our life dance permanent
        the trepidations of the future
            faded.....
Until you chose her over me.
My world ~crumbled~
       the pain was debilitating
With you left -
     happiness
       security
          my life's song.
It felt like a lifetime of darkness.
But through some miracle of life
     or a cruel cosmic joke -
You came back,
      filled with all the promises of the past.
Dare I hope? plan? TRUST?
The bitterness of life which
         demanded an unimaginable price...
With one bullet
She snuffed out
   our love,
     our future
         your life.

Time with you
    reminds me to live
       ~ not just exist.

My fierceness
       always protects
              a soul that has
                     been abused.

I should have know better-
      I'm certainly old enough to avoid,
the desire for reckless abandonment.
Carelessly tossing caution to the wind.
       Jumping into the deep end....
           without regard for consequences.
After waiting far too long

... only to be used.

Emotional scars heal slowly
   ~never completely.
These scars lead to
      skepticism, mistrust, fear .
And sadness,
     sad because what might have been
         can never be realized.
sad because loneliness becomes
     your everyday normal.
           day to uneventful day.
But at least you are safe.
One question -
*are you truly living?