I was born outside...
   outside the mainstream,
       outside my own ethnicity,
I am outside of how
    a lady is supposed to act.
I am on the outside - looking in.
I can see how the others live~
     knowing it will never include me.
I experience others of my ethnicity-
    yet I'm shunned due to lack of melanin.
I'm educated, intelligent, funny and witty-
  yet I lack that feminine quality
       of being demure.
I demand honesty-
     but I can't trust you with my secrets.
I've too many scars....

The bit character
I am the comic relief
the sidekick
the character who is easily
   overlooked
       forgotten
           in the shadows...
I don't get the happy ending
      the prince charming or otherwise.
I  watch
     as others find happiness
I simply cry bitterly
     behind my mask.

A girl
whose soul is held together
with spit and string.
Met a boy
whose tendency is to
break things.
Forging a friendship takes
commitment and determination
A desire and a purpose-
More than the casual flirtation
The possibilities abound
perhaps turning two lives around...
Is he worth the risk to go after
or is she headed towards disaster...
Truthfully - he has no challenge and
If he is smart he will walk away-
For she already is far too broken
for anyone to stay...

My demon is very shy
and extraordinarily wicked.
A chameleon -
blending in among pedigree
    respectability
        honesty
She only ventures out
    to reek havoc
if there is a possibility -
   of happiness.
She's very jealous
you see -
she wants me
all for herself.

Its standing outside the candy store-
    not a penny to your name.
       Watching others indulge
           in glutinous delights.
Or waiting to be picked-
    while choosing sides
        knowing you are the odd number
            therefore well left behind.
Its the Martin novel
       each time one of your friends die.
Gatsby's  heroic yet untimely demise....
Unrequited quests
     Captain Ahabs whale
           Don Quixote’s windmills.
The albatross within my soul
Knowing there is no bridge
for the chasm
between you
and me!

Reality*
is accepting
the poison source ~
is in the mirror!

To borrow from Langston Hughes -
"Life for me ain't been no crystal stair."
A hard life makes one
wary
     skeptical
         apprehensive.
Not to mention, writing leaves me
raw
    exposed
       vulnerable.
So I ran - breakneck speed
    from HP
        from FB
            from life.
Back to the solitude of my hide away
in the country....
     and my own mind.
        never to be heard from again,
             or so I thought.
For the first time in my life
   I may have gotten lucky.
A friend cared enough to point out
    my misstep.
I let fear get the better of me...
    I can't make any guarantees, but
           I will try to be stronger.