I've spent half my time telling myself that you are a terrible person.
And with just a few sentences you've unlocked the chains around my heart.
The only thing keeping me from feeling what I once felt for you.
I find myself smiling, laughing
With you.
You caused me so much pain
So, so many tears.
The knots in my stomach I thought would never come unclenched.
But here I am laughing.
Betraying myself.
Breaking my own heart because it's fool me twice shame on me.
But if we're being honest, it's way past fool me twice.
More like fool me to the moon and back
Because that's the line that got me
To the moon and back
How romantic of you, to travel that far
Just for me
But we both know it was only pretty words
And the only reason you're here now is because even though we are as used to each other as the stars are the night sky,
I'm new.
We fell into the pattern of comfortable
And then we had our break
And the tears
And the silence
So the talking is new
The flirting is innocent, but oh so loaded
It's like a grenade, this fragile line we walk
One wrong word, one bold move and this pretty picture of happiness would be shattered
But I do love art
Especially the kind you and I make
The way we are together
How the tired sentences don't make sense, but neither of us will say goodnight.
Even now.
And maybe you're supposed to be there.
On my mind and in my life
Because I'm sure as hell not shaking you.

There's a crack in the floor
Whether from old age or misuse
There's a crack in the floor.

There's scuff marks where chairs have been pulled across the room
There's scratches where kitchen utensils fell
There's dirt, whether carried in from outside or a prolonged build-up of a weary mind.

There's a crack in the floor
It's in the middle of the kitchen
A novilon road map to the life of a lonely woman
Did the crack grow larger as she grew stagnant?
Did she notice the ever creeping gorge,
or the rust covered table legs?
Did she feel trapped by her own rusted legs or was she so far down the hole that she'd forgotten how to use them?

There's a crack in my floor
Not visible, not tangible
Just there...looming
There's scuff marks and scratches
There's dirt and rust
There is need for a new floor.

But how? with my feet planted firmly
Not sure whats beneath out-dated self abused easily trusting floor
It's so damaged. No one could love this floor.
But I do. i I do? Familiar and comfortable, is that love?
It's also unforgiving, not compassionate with mistakes..
That's not what I want.

If I rip it up, how long to get a new floor?
How long will it take to remove the deep settled in scars of the old?
Did it make impressions in the foundation?
If I break it out, where will it end?
I just see darkness, scared of the mysteriousness that's within the soil
What if through all this, the crack is still there?

There's a crack in the floor
Whether from old age or misuse
There's a crack in everyone's floor
some just larger than others.

tender little plant,
you weep and sway with the bluster of a wind.
and when night falls,
you clench your shivering petals,
wishing the sun would kiss you once again,

and while dreaming, aching for that safe warmth,
you withstand
the dark, cold air,
long empty silence,
and the relentless clattering of raindrops.

remember,
frightened little plant,
that morning will rise.

your proud green leaflets will soak up the blooming sunlight,
and churn the elements into a life-force.

you are a powerhouse.

the bright warm atmosphere
seeps
deep
into your lungs,
and fills you,
pouring into your spine, your fragile stem,
collecting
into your baby-hair roots,
soft and thin, as they hug the cold, callous soil
that encapsulates you.

sometimes, you are to be painfully lonely.

remember,
brave little plant,
that it takes patience to become a tree.

Plate glass windows,
they mock your transparency.
Your heartstrings weighed down,
by all that you harbor,
you're stuck in your misery.

Your heart beats in a cacophony
of pushed down feelings
and your cold exterior has left the room freezing.
Below zero. You're arctic.
You'll accept no help, too mellow dramatic.

You speak words of malice,
with a tongue like a blade.

You sicken me.

Continue on in your self destructive ways
and continue on hating me for reasons
you cling to like they'll pull you out of deep waters
when all they'll do is help you drown.

What you see as a life boat, is really the weight in your chest.