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I fell in love with Icarus
And followed him to the sun
I watched him rise from the ashes
And stayed behind to mourn the death of the soul I loved
Losing you taught me that life
Isn't a "one or the other" kind of thing

I gained more love and joy than I could ever have imagined when you left
My whole world shifted in your absence
To a place of peace, wonder, and joyful curiosity

But that doesn't mean that your absence isn't felt
Because even in all this beauty my heart still misses you
Even though I am doing things I never could have with you
A part of me still wishes I was waking up next to you

And it's taken me a long time but I think that this is what life looks like
Moving on isn't getting to a place of completely "being over" you
I think I'll always feel sad when I think about you
And there will always be emptiness in places you filled
But that doesn't mean that joy can't coexist with missing you

I can rest in thankfulness for all that my life is becoming
And still shed a silent tear that you no longer wish to be a part of it
Do you hear me-
(The faint memory of me laughing in your arms, pulled into your chest as tight as you could, holding me so tenderly)
Whenever you sit alone on your couch you used to love me on?

Do you see me-
(The way I used to look in to your eyes and you could never really believe someone loved you that much)
When your new lover is complaining about the ways you're not sensitive enough?

Do you smell me-
(The delicate perfume I sprayed in the corners of my neck that you used to bury your head in and take a deep breath)
When you and her are shopping and she grabs a candle saying, "Mmm smell this one" and the label reads vanilla?

Do you taste me-
(For the first year you wore burt's bees peppermint chapstick and I don't remember when you stopped wearing it but I put a little of it on everyday)
When you're wiping off the bright red lipstick she uses to show every one where her lips had been?

Do you feel me-
(My hand perfectly wrapped with yours and my head resting against your shoulder so peacefully)
When you're standing on the beach and the breeze touches your face and you remember the similarities between the sea and me?
When I said yes to getting dinner with them
I never thought you'd get brought up in conversation  
And when you did
The most bizarre thing happened
My friends knew more about your life than I did

And less than a year ago,
I could never conceive of a world where that would ever happen
One last touch,
To feel your skin again.

One last kiss,
To postpone our ending.

One last time,
To say goodbye again.
Maybe I was just silly
Or naive
Or immature

I mean
I've never been then those things before
I'm widely rational and overly logical

Maybe that's why it hurt so much when you left
I mean
I thought we were gonna make it
I thought we were gonna be the ones that actually survived life together

I still can't figure out what went so wrong
I mean
I know you had to leave me
But I don't understand how we got to that point in the first place
I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.

But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.

They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.

No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.

People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.
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