Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Truth is I have no idea how you are
I've come up with a million versions in my head
I guess I could call you and ask
I mean I used to call you all the time

But we don't talk anymore
And what if you're doing really well?
What will I do then?
If losing me didn't wreck your world
The same way you leaving wrecked mine
Oh sweet friend
I failed you tonight
I don't know how to say I'm sorry
For the feelings we hid in actions
You needed me to be selfless
You needed me to be different
You needed someone to prove to you that life is not the sad, empty space you see it as

But I was none of those things
I saw what I wanted
What I thought I needed
And all I did was take from you
The way everyone has always taken

My heart is so heavy
My brain torn apart
Because I love you so much my dear
But I did not act like it tonight
This is a weird time
The never ending pain of my broken heart left by a careless soul is beginning to reside
I no longer am forcing myself to do things but am remembering the beauty of being swept up in such deep passion that my love for life energizes me through the day
I am laughing more than crying, smiling more than wiping away tears, and chasing the world rather than being crushed by its weight

And there days where I still miss you
And there are nights where I have to go on drives and listen to our songs to feel you in the way my heart yearns
But these moments are few
And now every one ends with a smile
Because while I am thankful for who you were,
I am most thankful for the heartbreak you caused that has made me who I am

It's a weird time
Because I read old poems that perfectly describe the hurricane the last year of my life has been
And my heart sighs in unison with their words
But I also am writing new poems about a new man
And they are full of hope and promise and maybe a happy ending

It's weird
Because I'm watching the end of you
Fade into someone who is more than I could ever imagine
And looking at him
It's not hard to let you go
I am so terribly calculated and impulsive at the same time I am constantly causing my own meltdowns

I'm not sure if patience is a virtue but I am pretty sure good things don't come to those who wait because the early bird gets the worm and there's still movement in slow and steady because you can't win a race if you don't move

My mentality has always been "if you have to think about wanting me then you probably don't deserve me" and I will never wait around for a man to decide whether or not he loves me because he's only wasting both our time



But with you...
Well everything slows down
And the things that I never stop thinking about escape my mind when I sit next to you
And I hate waiting more than anything else in this world
But looking at you and wondering what my hand would feel like in yours and what it would be like to wake up next to you
For the first time in my life
I feel like I found something worth waiting for
I'm not sure I even know what I'm writing anymore

I think I'm just a tool
The middle piece between life and legacy

I watch my hand and hope the words come out in a way that sounds good and maybe helps some people along the way
It's been six years
And one light brush of your finger against mine
And I know exactly what you want
It's been six years and the way you love me is exactly the same

Only in waves of convenience
Only on your designated time

It's been six years
So the sinking feeling in my chest is my fault
Because I am not the woman you loved all that time ago
But you're still the fool who is dumb enough to keep letting me go

But this time I'm letting you go
And I hope when you watch me walk away
You will see what I went through
Every time you forced me to say goodbye to you
I do not ask that you understand my choices
You need not support them
Or agree with them

But please
Do not look so hurt
When I made it clear my dreams
And you refused to get out of the way
Next page