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I've stopped feelings things
I never thought that would happen to me
But I guess you get to a point where you lose so much
That you forget what it's like to have someone stick around
It's so silly to me
That I can't just call you and say that I miss you
And then call you the next night to tell you I'm over you
I hate that I can't pull you along these tidal waves of emotion that all trace back to you
Because I could call you
Read you all the poems that put into words what I cannot
Sing you the songs I cry to because nothing can drown out the silence of the space you used to fill
Keep you up all night so you know how it feels to never get sleep because you're plagued with memories and strategies to get them back
I dial your number all the time
To tell you all this because it's so ****** silly to keep it all in

But then your response?
Well the fear of what you might say stops me
Every.
Single.
Time.
The greatest sin of human kind was setting standards in which humans aren't allowed to be brutally honest with the world around them
What about the girl
Who never goes out
And sits by the phone
In case someone calls
Drunk and afraid
Intoxicated and dumb
And she picks them up
Like they're her son

What about the girl
Who feels the need
Like she's designed
To take care of everything
Everyone's problems
She ***** them up
Holding them inside her
So they can have fun

What about the girl
Who sees what they all don't
They pain and the hurt
The shame and the loneliness
The consequences they will face

What about the girl
Who used to be that way
How deceiving is wine
To make you seem like a good idea
How horrible soberness
To remind me you never have been
I've spent my entire life being uninvited, ignored and never included

But now?
My loneliness is a choice
Because even though they're all begging for my attention

They are the ones who taught to me travel alone
"We will always be
Maybe not again in this life
But us can never die"
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