I wish I could hurt you, and tell you not a thing you felt was real...
Not the salty sting of your tears on your freshly slapped skin,
Not the burning trail of warmth and moisture they leave on your bruised cheeks
Not the painful earthquake sent across your skull as your lip trembles and you begin to cry in anger, and in fear
Not the dull headache that will lull your shaken heart to sleep
Not the feeling like your ribs truly are a cage to you breath deprived lungs
Not the physical exhaustion of you giving up
Not the emotional defeat sinking you into prayer,
that maybe if you curl up tight enough, you will keep shrinking
into a dot
until you disappear.

None of it was real,
I'll never say it was,
because it wasn't.

And as he began to fall toward that darkness,
He felt her grasp around him tightly.
Pulling, pulling, but gravity overpowers strength.
And down again he falls toward that darkness.
Greed, lust, hate have overcome his once pure heart.
And the love there was has disappeared.
The darkness is overpowering the light inside.
Goodbye fellow angels, hello demons below.
Let’s dream with our eyes open,
And see what is not even there.
These wild fantasies overtake reality.
And the darkness overcomes.
Shadows are the only things that understand.
The past is an enemy to his soul.
The present is something to be dealt with.
The future is his dearest friend.
Darkness is all that he knows now.
Everything is a shadow, passing by quickly.
The future is an open book waiting to be written on.
He wants the world and that book in his hands.
One last look up at the past above him,
And then he plummets down, down.
Goodbye angels, hello demons.
Satan’s helpers are the only companions this future holds.
Darkness is the thing that he lives in.
A dreary fog that blinds him.
Dreaming of better things in this Hell.
Those are just the lies that the devil’s been showing him.

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy is red,
The color of romance.

I envy your shirt,
It constantly gets to caress your body.
I envy your cigarettes,
Constantly at your lips.
I envy the words that you speak,
For they are much more beautiful than I.
I envy the ground you walk upon,
For I want to be the only thing pleading at your feet.
I envy your phone.
Constantly at your fingertips,
Caressing your cheek.
You speak into it,
And I hear "I love you."
I envy whomever lurks on the other side.
I envy your pillows,
Because I know you cuddle with them when I am not there.
I envy your necklace,
For it is constantly closer to your heart than I'll ever be.
I envy the medicine that you take,
For I want to be what takes your pain away.

You tell your tales,
And I am envious of your past.
Mostly because I am absent from your memories.

They say envy turns you green,
But for me, I disagree.
Envy has no color.
Only silhouettes.

You made me feel vial
Unlovable and *****
You planted a seed in me
One of anger and rage

I have never been the same
Never thought the same
But I've come to realize
I don't want to go back

For months I wished
For nothing more
Than a time machine
To go back to that day

That awful, terrible, horrid day
When my virtue was taken
My self respect
POUNDED out of me

I felt broken and weak
Lifeless and hollow
I wanted to die, be done
Why didn't they **** me?

I always wondered why
They should have ended
The life they destroyed
Just ceased my pain

Life is not that easy
Nor that simple
Life is suffering and pain
Without it we would be

A colorless painting

You don't understand how I hurt
You can't know the pain you caused
When I even think of you
My very insides boil
How can you influence me so?
How I view myself
I look in the mirror and see
The wrath of your actions
I throw out a half assed smile
You don't understand how I hurt
Deep, hot, throbbing pain

Monsters are real
They do not live in
Closets or under beds

They live in our heads
Clawing and yelling
Trying to get out

People ask me why I cut
People say "Why would you do that?"
I'm too young to be this sad
People don't understand
I cut for me, I cut for pain
Emotional pain makes me sick
It is unbearable and all-consuming
Emotional pain in which I wallow
Physical pain is easier
Physical pain is short term
It allows me to Focus
Focus on the thin red line
The drops of blood pooling
I don't have to think at all
Nothing comes into my brain
Nothing but pain signals
No remembrance of ****
Abandonment and abuse
Cutting is my escape, my salvation
I am full of so many demons
When I cut I bleed them out
Each drop of red is a tear I've cried
Many tears and many red droplets
Physical pain overcomes me
Wraps me up in a ****** up blanket
Cutting is my drug, my escape
I am given the chance to numb
The ache in my heart is released
Through the valleys in my arm
Valleys carved into my flesh
Released through the blood
Pooling on the bathroom floor
A puddle of pain and demons
This is a puddle of me, all the
*****, nasty, unlovable, *******
Then there is a moment of bliss
That moment when I numb
Like right before they put you to sleep
The numb feeling of emptiness
I don't think about the demons
The demons in my head, screaming
They are no longer in my brain
They are in the puddle on the floor
No longer inside of me
Gone for a moment but not forever
Pain always comes back
This is why I cut, to quiet the pain