So, what’s this all about love?
Everyone talks about it
Like it’s some gift from above
I don’t know what it tastes like
The sight of it eludes me
But I hear it’s like a lightning strike.
Call me cynical but I have other stuff to do
Thing’s to write, arguments to make
A lot of different things to go through
I’m still hearing “why can’t guys be like you?”
Instead of something nice like
“I think I care about you”
But with all that’s happening here
I find the simple idea of love
Something impossible to bear
Because I’ve got suff to do
So I can’t be weighed down
By useless dances of two
Of course, I’m lying right now
I really do want to love,
I just don’t know how.

In the summer
I stretch out on the shore
And think of you
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you,
It would have left its shores,
Its shells,
Its fish,
And followed me

staring at a blank sheet of paper
expecting the words to just appear
my emotions to raw to form
into the letters needed to express.

beating at my chest i pull and tear
begging and screaming into the night
trying to get a grasp on to any courage
I might have so to tell you
that everything i need
everything i want
is just you

Desperately clinging to pen and paper
needing to write it all down
this inconsolable loneliness i have without you
how the world was just black and white
then i met you and it was like seeing color
so vivid and bright, for the very first time

how just the slightest touch from you
ignites a fire under my skin
bringing life into the dead world i live in
and gives me a reason to go on

still so much to say but there isn't enough
words to describe what I feel for you
if you ever doubt anything i do or say
just have faith in my words here
for they are the truest i've ever spoken
no matter what, i'll always love you.

oh how ignorant i must've been.
to think the best things in the world were
hot coffee and cigarettes,
drinking on the beach while fireworks went off.
the overwhelming sense of reality I'd get when
the wind would pull me out to sea
and waves would kiss my thighs.
these were the best things,
not but a week ago.
and now i know with nothing but
absolut conviction,
the best thing
in this world
is waking up to kisses
on my shoulders
from a man
i hardly know
yet i know is one of
us.

goodmorning, beautiful.

Our hands our calloused.
Raised old too young,
Too much, too fast to function.
Beliefs and needs
Underestimated in light
Of the weight of life.

Unenlightened self-importance
Breeds nuisance for intelligence
Struggles are active and bound
Revised, undeniable, retractable,
Forming, foaming at the mouth
We flow truth into new strife.

For those who can see through the plastic,
We made it out alive, with luck.
I try not to think of those days when
Dripping, pouring, outward noises
Made me their benefactor in shaking off
The incandescent light from garages long since passed.

I remind myself to shower, once more
This time, with every small drag I smell Propane...
Like leaves carnivaled in a spiral moth,
But it's just the smoke from my cigarette...
So maybe it is Propane...
I find this world to be quite amusing.

My body is a temple for the act of living once.
I am not concerned with long life, I'm mortal.
Experience all and see all, and thereby
Learn the meaning behind the words
That are written in peoples' eyes
So you can be trusted, too.

As long as you can trust yourself,
You'll see the colors realign
Unlike the mother who spoke before me
I will be the father this time
Swerving, slurring, shivering.
Can you hear me? Are you reading this?

**** not away those shreds of extra skin
Always remember how cold it is for me.
Try to conceive of a place for you and I
I will be sure to be asleep when the clouds
Erupt into showers of our pure enjoyment...

I invite you, too.

each day,
or afternoon,
as a fresh start
flutters at my eyelids,
my mind begins to race,
and i am presented
with a choice--
split right down
the middle of my
consciousness.

one half of me,
growling and snarling,
sees only the bad.
he hears the demons
in my home.
he wears my insecurities
as his own.
he watches the fears
i replay, they increase.
he encourages my sadness,
becomes my self-loathe.
and as his arms encapture
my own soul,
i feel the melancholy
press down,
overwhelming me
as i surrender.

the other half,
shy but bright,
sees only the good.
she is the soundwaves
that always wash away
my tears.
she shows me the
first days of autumn.
she laughs at the bad,
and shows me the
overwhelming good;
waits for me to come
to her,
and then embraces
my soul lovingly.

as these two halves
battle in my brain,
i must choose--
to be happy,
or to be sad.

the sun rises,
and the sun sets.

All your smiles and sweet words,
Feel a bit like an ice pick
In my aching chest.
But I get it your scared,
And I’m not the best you could ever do,
I hope that’s true.
Just know knowing you is an echo
Of my past and empty promises that couldn't last.
You chose wrong,
I’m not on any throne
And you've always known I stand on no pedestal,
We didn't have to be alone.
But I was worth more, than to feel
That I constantly pester you.
I don’t know whether I’m disappointed in
Myself ,
Or proud that I was so brave,
Even if you walked away
And let me drown in that moat of unworthiness
While you mutter repetitively in your untouchable tower
That “she isn't worth the risk”.
Go ahead and merge with the shadows,
I’ll think of everything and hate that I miss,
Every bit of the things that cease to exist.

You won't even let aPrincess in
After ascending those walls
in the face of great rains,
and murmuring bandaids
over old scars and fresh pains.
You coward.

She felt ever so lost in a sea of silence
She thought of something to say
but someone whispered don't speak

She tried and tried to ignore this hurricane
Hurricane of emotion that took her for  a spin
Making her so dizzy and disoriented and exhausted

She wanted to believe she was invisible that no one could see her
She had magical powers to disappear to slip away quickly
On the conflicting side she wanted someone to figure out this magic trick
Figure out it's secrets it withheld

A hand to reach out and understand
To tell her shes not alone
But she felt so shameful

She held out a shield in front of her
Wanted no part in this
She came to a point where all she felt was nothingness

She picked and prodded at her skin, saw the blood seeping slowly out of the wound
I am Alive! I feel so Alive!

For only a moment the clouds rolled on and the rain quit falling.
And then they returned with a vengeance