I may be inexperienced
in the art of romantic relationship
but I know the pain of a broken friendship
under the influence of mere distance.

The person's absence
makes a lapse you don't notice
but it feeds on your confidence
like a black hole.

Familial comfort gone,
darkest days spent alone,
it's useless to make any groan
because there's no one to hear.

Breathe through the motions
and persuade yourself
that isolation is normal,
and maybe dependency was too easy.

Snap out of the lies,
seek out friends to share your life.
The world looks much nicer
and receiving love makes you kinder.

I guess it was all my imagination
I thought he might pick me over them
Crazy to think he'd ever digress
and pick me to be his princess

I put on a face like it doesn't matter
like boys are all dumb and immature
But the truth is that it'd be really nice
to melt into him when I don't suffice.

But now I'm not sure if such a man exists
that can deal with all my hellishness
So onwards I trudge, lonely and scared,
and hope that one day he will be prepared

To come in and sweep me off my feet
like a fairytale where we're destined to meet--
both of us will know it's special
and we'll mold effortlessly into one vessel.

Once a day I rise
I'm barefoot in the black.
Then I'm not because I'm back
To ritualistic movements.

To taste wispy moments
Of temporary happiness
And grasp at withered dreams
Hoping not to fade again.

Don't arouse fake hope
It only traps you in
So let the darkness invade
Like it's been waiting to

Tremble in weakness
And shrink and shrink
Because it amounts to
Your very essence
Be that dismal as it may

Know that slowly
If you try
You will rise
To softer days.

I've reached the end of the path
and I'm coming out of the haze.
I can now look back and gaze
at my torn and twisted past.
To find the silver lining
I focus on the here and now
and compare it to bitter days
when I stood shaking and so afraid.
I credit my transformation
to my dear friends who showed
unconditional love even though
I thought I was a mere shadow.
My hope now lies
in the love they poured out
and I can open my heart
to rich relationships
abounding in love.

Is something missing in me
That I truly cannot believe
That my savior feels anything for me.

He's just a big brother figure
Who watches me suffer in pain
But always when I cry out
He'll have nothing to aide my strain

No matter how hard I try
It's a stretch when I pray
It's like believing a fairy tale
And donning faith to portray.

I cling to Bible verses
But lately I've been lazy
So maybe that's why
I've been falling apart recently

With a cloud of issues
Surrounding me ruthlessly
I can't and shouldn't be expected
To obtain a relationship easily

With the One who I blame.
Who has never intervened
Who is capable of healing the lame.
Who died for me, but doesn't
Save me from my pain.

Sometimes after it's been going great
Life hits you like a chalkboard slate
With a message that leaves your ears ringing
And tells you it isn't done stinging.
What I do is let the tears come down
Until I somehow manage to hide my frown.
I feel abandoned, inherently messed up
And wonder how I've never completely given up
But I've made a pact with myself
That I will figure out why I've been through such pain
And the ground I've lost, I vow and endeavor to gain.

Recently I've begun to think
that my talents need to consume me.
There's some genius hidden underneath
and I want to unleash its glory.

But there's a wall in front of me
and I lost my desire to uncover
and create the things my mind can see
because I feel utterly incapable
of producing the key
to unlock my creativity.

Fear of failure at its worst
can paralyze my sense of duty
to do what is right and instinctual.
I wrestle all the time
to do what I love so passionately.