Ask me what you feel like
And I'll tell you with perfect clarity
Exactly how your hands felt on mine

ask me what you smell like
and the transparency of my words when
I speak of your aroma will be
as sweet as the smell itself

tell me how to laugh
and I'll reach around to the dusty
underside of my glass bottom heart to wipe away the
pain and fear to
feed the neglected feeling of bliss
with the intoxication that your smile allows

beg me to share my secrets
and I'll hand them over word by word in light blue envelopes
the words "love" and "hate" multiplied in the fray
of my private thoughts

ask me to love you
and I'll love you with every fragment of my broken heart
each pigmentation a different shade of
of the word
infatuated

we  become our cigarettes
filter through them
morphing into transparent  beings like the
smoke that rises from our lips
we inhale the toxins to feel alive
we trip over our own breath
our thoughts become flammable lucid dreams
that lick at the edges of our palpable pain
we burn the filter to filter our thoughts from reality and
we give up the fire from our eyes and our souls to
light the glorified matchsticks that **** us in the end

He could tell I wasn't real
somehow. That the space
between us was longer
than the length of his
arm. I talked less
than he did, yet he was
quiet and still

I was to go out
and find a (some)
body to build a house
with. But he is too
much of a person
to shelter under

I never wanted a
garden but I wanted
a place to lie,
to let the sun
lick my back
as I read

I read everything
I couldn't think or
say for myself,
especially to him

He is kind and
tender and
I'm not

It's getting harder to fill
the silences. For my words
to reach my mouth

and I am desperate
to be more than a
ghost searching for
a body to climb
into

I used to enter the coffins of bathroom stalls
to dance my weird away
to be free  from prying eyes…
now, they are chambers for my sadness
too small to hold it all

they are the mummy's sarcophagus
and I am cursed with your ghost.

I am
lonely

but the only place
large enough to hold all this loneliness
are your wide open arms.

"move on"
you said.
as if it was easy
like loving you,
as if it wasn't more
like dismantling pyramids from the top
down with a toothpick and an unsteady hand.

someday you will choose to love
but I am not the girl
to change your mind.

I am slowly accepting your death
brushing the dirt off of artifacts:
the way you held me
like an ancient civilization’s most precious deity,
late night walks
through labyrinths, with no wish for threads of return
jazz concerts, green jokes,
our staple, our oral tradition
and food always parted at the middle
a sacrifice for all the hopes we had
in this dating ritual.

you will never be the you that I once knew,
that you is dead
mummified,

existing only in my memory
like a brain kept in a jar
away from the rest of you.

This new you
(the only you that exists)
is a stranger
a different person
an un-dug desert, jungle un-ventured

and though
I grieve for he who has died
it would be stupid to dig up his grave
inside of you.

At the end of night she bathes in light,
We tussle in the warmth of morning,
The blankets and she are of sea foam
And found shells, whispering lost ocean
Words.  Our bed is a raft, drifting aloft,
The coffee is brewing with mellow sun,
Her smiles, filling my silly, giddy mug.
Soon, we walk to the pebbled beach,
Her hair is waving at the friendly seas,
Gulls are circling in the moving skies
Reeling with the slow, slipping tides
And I skip stones with her as our feet
Sink in the milk of morning sands—
Must we be off to Dublin town?